The long road ahead

As my bff has found the Dom of her dreams, things are heading full steam ahead. She’s now at the very crucial point, becoming fully His.

He is starting to break her. For those in our lifestyle you know what I’m talking about. Each Dom will shake is head in accordance, as they have each broken someone who means something to them. Each submissive smiles and has that moment of ‘ oh dear God , the pain. But it’s all worth it.

Was it really worth the pain? When it’s the right Dom, yes. I’ve known some that would help break any sub or slave, no relationship was needed. Just your time, and respect for the Dom. No sex involved. It was just to free her from all the pain of the past, set her free. Help her grow in each area of her life to be the best she can be. I’ve met fake Dom’s who took this breaking very wrong. Used the women for sex, no real training. I’ve been here a long time, even my first Master who helped train me to a point, knew it would not be sexual, never was. It was about protocol, rules, expectations, how to serve with your whole heart. Once he was done we were released. He let us know he’s gone as far as he was able, training would be accomplished by the one who picked us for their own. He was right. I learned plenty. I was happy, peaceful, young, and now searching for my other half of the puzzle. I now look at all exes as life showing me what I don’t want. If I think about this any other way, my self talk really goes badly, ‘ how could you be so stupid’, ‘ what were you thinking’, ‘ were you on drugs for that whole relationship’. Shit like this, unhealthy.

Granted I still have my good days, and my bad days. But most are good! I’m happier now that my Master has shown me how He wants me to serve Him. How to think, how to behave. He’s made room for my babygirl side, not much room for the brat in me. My friend did ask, ‘ how will I know when training is done?’ that’s a fair question, ‘ never’. As people we are always evolving and changing, He will know the way, so follow Him. 

When you’ve been single a long time, how do you just let someone take over your life? One step at a time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will you be. Believe me, she doesn’t always like my answers. Each sub or slave will have their own breakdown and rebuild, no two are alike. 

She is cautious if he will read her and know what she needs, doesn’t need. On this, I giggled alittle. They are born dominant, they think dominant, they sleep dominant, they react dominant in this world. We, however, are submissive so we can only understand our side of things. This is where trust will take you further. Just let go… Yes, easier said,than done. But we submissives all go through this fire.

Why must I be broken? Aren’t I fine the way I am? This gave her cause for concern, does he want a perfect woman and she is his willing victim. To the untrained eye it might appear this way. I had to find an analogy she could relate to. Her children and gardening. I started, ” if your child was full of unhappiness,sadness, pent up emotions, not living life to the fullest would you leave your child there? If any of your plants were not doing well would you let it die, or work on bringing it back?” Her response, ” I’m not heartless I would guide my child with love ,listen to them, help them thru, do what was necessary. The plant too”. I smiled at her, she looked puzzled.

Let me explain! He sees you not living at your full potential, pent up crap from the past, things that need to go. He will show you how to release it all. Then he will fill those empty spaces with things you actually need. And show you who you really are, the real YOU that you were meant to be before life happened to you. Plus, you’re his so you will learn how to please him. Think of his needs before he speaks of them. Put him first in all things. This is what Dom’s do, when he’s done you will be an amazing woman, the woman you were always meant to be. And since he’s the one doing the work, he reaps all the benefits. I can hardly wait to see you six months from now, a year from now. 

She wondered if this is what makes me love my Master more? Yes, it does. Plenty of men before Him saw my pain, and made more, whether intentional or not. He saw my worth, what I can become. Even the things He puts me in charge over in my life, He still watches those. He still pushes me, even out of my comfort zones. The only thing is I don’t fight near as much. I will occasionally ask if this one area can be untouched, the answer is usually, ”No, I expect it to be done, no more questioning me”. Believe me I know how to grit my teeth and bare it really well. But once I get through it I’m very happy, I grew again. 

My Master knows me like a book. He’s knows when to push, and when to leave something alone and maybe try it again at a later date. For instance, humiliation, my ex robbed me of all my emotions. My Master could hardly say anything to me that I didn’t take it like a personal hit to mean He must hate me as much as my ex. Years later, my Master can look at me and ask, ” who’s Daddy’s lil whore?” I’m smiling like an idiot! And my babygirl side is bouncy and giggling, ” me Daddy!!” I’ve changed so much. He, my Master, knows my past, knows me so well that with only words He could kill me if He wanted. A few times, in the heat of an argument, He has cut me and I’m bleeding out. Only He didn’t leave me like that, lifestyle or not, we are still only human. He has had to fix me up again, and send me on my way. I’m good again. But there’s a difference, what other men meant for harm, my Master had no intention of harming me and leaving. It’s fixable. 

The vanilla world knows nothing of this kind of thing. Vanilla women are not allowed to let vanilla men break them down and build them up again, but better. Most vanilla men wouldn’t know where to begin. This is where I have always felt like our lifestyle is far superior than our vanilla counterpart. We choose to be an open book, they hide their true feelings. 

If you are so unhappy in your own world that you cannot see the beauty in this breaking down do NOT mssg me, I will not be kind. I have seen tv and many about females letting men deconstruct you, or take your identity. The commercial that comes to mind is a woman being  led around by a man, she’s on a collar and leash. He leaves her outside a store, the commercial sees her the same as a common house pet. I see the beauty in the collar and leash. As you wouldn’t want your dog to go to far from you, safety reasons, how would you let your woman go to far from you? But this particular commercial is made by feminists movement, and infringes my rights. They do NOT decide for me, my Master will. He has only my good in mind. For those small minded people, you make me sick 

The road ahead is a long one for bff, reason being, does she have a submissive side that she’s denied for years? If there is her Dom will be bringing it out. She’s never been trained before so everything is a surprise. I’m trying to show her how to respectfully ask for clarification. She did however not listen to me, and he stopped his process once she questioned and then told him what she can’t handle. But then asked him to explain what he’s doing, after he already did. I was shaking my damn head. Yikes! If this had been me and my Master, let’s just say I’d be lucky to be alive. This is where my bff says, ” I will not be in fear of any man”.  Wanna bet?

I calmly say, ” I never said fear, I said reverence”. I did try to explain to stop fighting the process. She let me know that he’s aware of how far he can push her and things that are hard limits and will stay that way. Again, I’m shaking my damn head, and I’m thinking” just shut up”.  

I had to explain why when she starts telling him she’s doing her best, that he gets up and leaves. Always a hard one! I explained it’s several reasons. 1. He knows it’s not your best, but you’ll get there how he wants you to be, he must push to see what that is. 2. How submissive are you. 3. Only one of you will be in charge and he leaves to remind you he chooses to be in your life and feel the pain of his empty presence. 4. You need to stop talking, this is his job. 5. Once you said, Yes , you lost all rights, you’re his.

She did let me know that breaking hurt like a son of a bitch. ” You don’t say?” Was my come back! She’s not sure she can continue. I ask, ” do you love him? Do you trust him? If not, don’t go thru the fire for him. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s worth it”. We submissives know that ONE DAY when you look in the mirror, you finally see the person looking back. You wonder WTH is going on. Oh my god, he broke me. The only person you have to thank is him. The only person you want is him. You have value because of him. You now know all that pain was worth it! 

I gave her a hug as I left, I wished her the best. I hope she sticks with the breaking down, she needs it. She deserves to let go of all the crap from her past. She hugged me again, and said she was sorry for never paying attention to things I said. Or seeing the slave I am for my Master. She always thought the things I do to show my Master love and respect were mundane. Now she sees for herself! No apology was necessary, but I do get the added joy of when we go somewhere she MUST ask, and wait for the response. Paybacks a bitch! 

I’m still very thankful for my Master seeing potential in me. I don’t always see it. But I like me more now, than ever! All because of Him. Is His work done in me? Nope, it never ends. Thank you Daddy!


A brats prayer

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I hope that Daddy’s slow to creep.
By my bed to spank me good,
Like I already know He should.

If I’m bruised as I wake,
I hope I can still work, even if late.
I’ll be moving slow from all the bruises,
It always goes as He chooses.

I’m not saying the word that makes it all worse,
It somehow always makes me curse.
It’s not good, it’s not fun,
It’s usually makes me want to run.

Daddys fierce and quite evil,
The very reason He’s nicknamed ‘The Devil’
He’s sadistic, more than most
But before He will spank, there will be a toast.

If I dont live thru His awful beating,
Guess I know who I’ll be meeting.
It’s either pearly gates, or a fiery pit,
Here He comes ,’Oh fucking  shit’.

So long world, my ass is cooked
Cuz He doesn’t like my attitude.
If I die from Him beating me
Just know I’m now set free.

No more beatings,No more lectures
Unless He really is the HEAD devil.
I’m worried that it might be,
Beatings for all eternity.

I promise I won’t be bratty ever again,
Oh Fucking hell, whom I kiddin’
Rest in peace won’t be what I’m dealt
As long as Daddy has a belt.

So long, it’s been fun
This is where I need to run.
Faraway from this place,
Hoping that I leave no trace.

I’m a brat I don’t know why
I don’t even have to try.
But if this is the last you ever hear from me,
Then this was my fucking eulogy

*hope I live thru what’s coming*

– babygirl

The deeper the love…

The deeper the love, the deeper the devotion. Whitesnake has it right, I finally feel these words.

Tonight Daddy stopped by, like He does a lot!, to see me. We started talking about the past. This is a subject I try not to hit on, it’s not my favorite place. But the past is real, something we all live through. Daddys past is just as dark a place as mine. It was easy to see why we both have trust issues. I completely understood. His pain is real,  just as mine is.

For the first time ever, I felt like someone understands me. He gets why I’m not in a hurry. I’m not going anywhere, but I want to be in your life.

I hate that we are broken people, that someone had to hurt us so deeply that it’s hard to find ‘The One’, but in a way I think it made us stronger. We both know what we want, how we want our lives to be.

I want something that looks like a family. We don’t put on happy faces, we are actually happy. We have our good days, our bad days. We all support each other. Listen to each other. Be there for each other.

I used to be to afraid to start my life, but with this man by my side, I am the luckiest woman alive. I like that we don’t pressure each other to move faster, no reason to do that. Life is going as it should. I love my life now, for the first time ever.

Today I understood why He took His time to introduce me into His life. I thought it was about no trust, but I was wrong. It was about proving He is safe in my love. He won’t be hurt.

I hope He understands that I was the one hurt in my past. I know how bad it hurts to be lied to, cheated on, scammed by a person who is supposed to care about you. When I hear His pain, all I want to do is bring Him in close to my heart, hold Him til He can feel the love emminating from me. I won’t ever let go of His heart. He’s all mine, I’m all His. Plus I get the added bonus of being His slave, babygirl, just His…

Daddy, my love for you is immeasurable.   I want to show you each day how much you mean to me. Til, forever♡


My 2 cents

Daddy has always let me have my 2 cents, my opinion on things. He didn’t have to and some days He is all about His way and fall in line, Yes Sir. But much of the time, He will ask me. He always makes me feel valued and loved even more. How He balances our lives so well. I usually add my 2 cents after He asks, and I didn’t know this was my downfall. He loves that sometimes my dirty mind will give Him ideas. 

Take this morning, for instance, Daddy and I plan on living together, He loves waking up to a blow job ( I know you’re surprised, lol) and His other favorite is spanking my ass. He gets so excited about it, like a kid in a candy store! I never understand it, but I sure as fuck feel it! O… not saying THAT word, not even thinking it Daddy! ( inside joke!, Daddy gets it!)So, this morning I tell Him what I was thinking, how  He will get to wake up to a blowjob and spankings! He sounded so excited. I walked into that one, He wasn’t even thinking about it. I opened my mouth and added my 2 cents. Living with Daddy sounds painful. But I get my Daddy! Let’s hope I survive all the spankings. I’m thinking I will survive, He sounds like I’m getting a long life full of spankings. Yay me?

So my vow to Daddy: living with you will be the greatest thing in my life, to live with the man who makes me understand what true love is.To the man who shows me real beauty.  To the man who asks my opinion, gives me choices, lets me even add my 2 cents in. To the man who loves me beyond words, and shows me everyday.I will spend the rest of our lives giving you blow jobs as you wake, adding my 2 cents but watch what i say, I will follow as you lead, as I always have. I’ll strive to be the best slave,babygirl, ole lady you’ve ever had. I want our life to be like a Disney fairytale only a true one! Where we live happily ever after ,but it wasn’t clear who gets the spankings?? If you want some ,you can have them! I’ll share! Lol. Shit, that probably racked up some more… well fuck, guess He will spend the rest of our lives beating my ass! Now, is that illegal??? Lol


I love you Daddy! 


Thinking out loud

I just have so many thoughts at one time it feels, I can hardly process them all fast enough. I can’t concentrate. Why? I’m in love!

I have the best Daddy in the whole world! He surprises me all the time. I’m so blessed to have Him in my life. There are so many reasons! I can’t list them all, but my heart knows them all! I feel His love all day long, all around me, He’s always in my thoughts. He’s on my mind when I wake up, and as I go to sleep.

I have never felt this way before. Just so loved, and in love. I love how He just knows me so well, He can calm the storm inside, bring me back to the moment. Nothing else matters.

The thought of serving Him for the rest of my life is one I embrace. To show Him how much He means to me, as He does that for me as well!

As He is moving us into unchartered territory, I can tell He has a hold of me, He knows I scare easily, but He is very reassuring that I can keep up at His pace. He wont let me fall. He won’t let go, He’s got me in His firm grasp. I can relax and just breathe. He’s got it handled, I only need to bow low before my King, and keep my eyes on Him. For I can give him my full trust.

This is the happiest I’ve ever been, I never want that to end. I want to be with the one responsible for my happiness,  because He stole my heart as well. I serve you Master, I love you Daddy, I worship you my King. Thank you for choosing me, even I fail to see what you see in me, maybe someday I’ll see it too. Until that time…

You are my first and hopefully last love, and the only love of my life.


If you know me, then you know this is true, I’m very indecisive.




He completes me

I had a rough weekend.  I noticed the last few weeks I keep having these off days, it’s not like me. I’m usually in a great mood, ready to take on the day. But not right now,  the words that come to mind are : fuck. And. Off

Even talking (A) another slave, she’s been off lately too. But her Master fixed her before she out of hand. I personally did not know what I needed, after talking to her about what helped, yeah I don’t think so. But I love ya girl! I learned a while ago His maintenance fucking hurts. It does clear my head, puts me back on track, but I’m to damn stubborn to say the words.

Trying to talk to other friends, well they are only subs or babygirls,  they don’t get it. My Master is changing lots of shit, it gets me off track. Now I’m wearing fake PINK nails, I’m not liking it at all. I figure pretty soon I’ll be a full fledged Martha stewart. Plus I hate the AZ heat, I don’t want to work in it, but He’s not gonna care much about that either.

Once He said we will talk tonight,  all I heard was a possible lecture coming, and pain. Any chance He will get busy? Forget all about it? Not likely, but there’s always hope.

A gf of mine called, she saw a pic of my new ring,  and commented about the nails, when I said how much I didn’t like them she actually suggested I talk to my Master about renigotiating things. I laughed. I needed a good laugh today!
All I said was, ‘honey, you’re still new to the lifestyle,  and don’t become a slave. Negotiations ended the moment He took control.’

She actually thought that didn’t seem fair. Lol. I should bring her along to talk to my Master, He might need a good laugh too.

Strange things today: at work, I had no idea men checked out women’s hands so much. I’ve been congratulations on nuptials. ‘Excuse me’ I didn’t get married, it’s just a ring, has been my comment all morning. Men are crazy. The world has gone officially insane.

As far my life goes , I’m happy, just stressed. I’m sure I’ll get over it. He’s the only I talked to about it all that made me feel better. Wow. He really does complete me.


Let’s talk poly – tics, everything poly

I don’t know your kink, but mine used to include poly,  I learned to hate it because ‘most’ don’t do it right.

Where to begin. If you think you’re poly,  or considering poly it’s quite important for you and your partner to define poly, what do each of you think it means? For poly to work, you MUST both be on the same page at all times. I have seen poly destroy more relationships than it helped. Don’t lie to yourself or your partner about what you ‘think’ you might be able to handle, now is the time for complete honesty.  With the right people, right structure, right boundaries it can go good. I have friends who live this way everyday. I have friends who don’t do straight up poly,  but only threesomes to make the relationship stronger, more fun.

How do ‘I’ define poly=  good place to start. Well first off, I’m all for threesomes, but I was always the ‘third’, I slipped in/ I slipped out. But threesomes is not ‘true’ poly. True poly is when 2 people are on the same page, have excellent communication skills, they deeply care about one another. In love with each other, but they found another, or others that they love too.  They have this connection like no other. They are comfortable with one another. They meet each others needs, but they both have a common desire to love more people. Poly is about relationships,  not one night stands. It’s saying to your hubby, boyfriend,  any significant other that I love you, I also love this other person and need them in my life as well. You may live with or marry the person who means the most to you, but then you have this whole other relationship going on. You will need balance, perfect structure and boundaries to live this way.  To keep more than one person happy. Poly is not swinging, just putting that out there. This is a touchy subject for most, I understand that. But to be fair most don’t even know what poly is. I have heard doms make the statement,  ‘i do poly cause I need more variety, different pussy all the time’, that’s not poly either, that’s you feeling entitled to fuck anything that comes along, which makes you pretty much an asshole. If you already feel this is your need, why on earth are you in a relationship?  You obviously should not be in one. Then bang all the pussy you want, but don’t hurt others, and don’t fucking cheat.  Be honest, say the words, ‘this is not working for me’. I could respect that, I’m sure most could ,after the sting wore off.

For poly to work properly, you need a clear definition of what it is, what it isnt. I have a bff ,she’s a slave and in position #1. She is fine with poly, as she knows what’s going on with her Master 24/7, nothing is kept from her. She can trust she is so important. Her needs are met, they talk all the time. He helped her to know she will always be #1, and as such she will know everything,  I mean everything. That is really how poly works. The one who is in your life is not the one to keep in the dark, not if you dare try poly, that person will be gone if trust is not deep enough. My friend is by his side, as his. He put structure in place so she knows 24/7 she can go to him and ask anything, except she has never had to ask. She already knows what’s going on in her home/relationship with her Master. This is beautiful to me. I love talking to her about it. As I have done poly, I have never had this. This would make me rethink my whole stance on it. But is it possible? Or are they the exception? She is allowed other men, as long as her Master approves of them. Which most definitely will include a conversation between both men. One will be in her life always, her Master. The other could change at any time. They both only have 1 other person each. Anymore and her Master felt it could distract him from her/her needs. They will marry one day, and still want to keep this going. I say,’ if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. More power to them, they obviously found what works. But the respect, the care, the love, you can see it. She is secure. She might have another who shares her time, but her Master means more to her, and she means everything to him.

Most view poly as a way to a means. The thinking is something like, ‘ I really crave more sex so I’m thinking I can call myself poly and get that,  this thinking is quite destructive in poly. Poly is not about sex, it’s about a relationship, as I stated. You love a person, and you found this other person, or more , that you have a deep connection to and you need them in your life. You need time with them, develop that connection. Here is where it’s tricky,  don’t forget about your other connections/ relationships.  They ALL need time , they all need to be growing or what doesn’t get your attention will wither and die off. I doubt that was what you wanted, but it does happen most of the time. Newness of the other relationship(s) takes perfect balance. 

Sex is not the most important here. It’s what happens when the connection is real. In my past, I was doing poly, but I was only given 1 night a week with a past dom. It was not enough for me. He didn’t call to check up on my emotional state. There were no dates any longer, he had no idea where I was most of the time, but his house was now full of women. I’m the type of girl that I won’t try to get your time, I either have it or I dont.  I had many play partners because men wanted a deep connection, but in our poly house the only deep connection was to the one running the house. I was so unhappy. This Dom decided for me, so I left. I was second position in his house. I know my personality.  I need time with that person.  I want to feel special, loved, cared for. When that’s not present I move on. I won’t argue, I won’t fight for you, I just go. They don’t see it coming. My first thought is you must have known all the girls in your house have different levels of need, different personalities,  cater to that. I have never seen a successful house. I would remain friends with my sisters in the house,keep play partners but not get attached. All men I met wanted this same thing, but I watched it unravel. It was devastating to everyone involved but me, I saw it coming, and I decided I needed to put ‘me’ first and not push ‘me’ aside. Since the Dom of the house didnt. I have seen many in poly relationships cheat. This makes no sense, you’re poly. But they couldn’t get rid of lust, the need for more and more pussy. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. This is not poly. This is you have a problem. Female or male, if you don’t like commitment, then don’t so it. But if you constantly find a hot piece of ass that you need to tap, you might have some issues. I have friends who are girls who are like this. No thank you, they are to destructive. I won’t do threesomes with you either. You don’t worry about being clean, just fucking. No thought to anyone’s feelings but your own. Why am I friends with this person, oh yeah I’m not anymore.

What i have with my Master: Once I became the one ‘in’ the relationship during the threesomes i had to keep jealousy in check, as His slave i want His happiness above my own. It can always be better, relationships evolve,grow. Our first threesome was with my bff! I know strange choice, but I had trust with both. I also knew my Master was not her type, she’s not a slave, all these things helped even though I still went into sub space. I have never done poly with anyone I have a deep emotional connection to, guy/girl. Yes, I’m bi. But the older I get I don’t care about a female companion in my life as much. I want that male connection. As this was how much change I went through when I left the lifestyle for close to a year. Once I came back, I knew exactly what I wanted. I liked monogamy, but I still love to look at females! We’re beautiful,  soft, sexy, what’s not to like, but no relationships with females any longer, females are to much for me to handle. No thx

So where do I see myself with poly.  Funny you should ask. My Master recently brought it up. I shot it down, but maybe I was to hasty.  But then I know the destruction of the past. So I’ve been thinking,  and thinking some more. I’m a libra and I felt maybe this subject deserved more thought. I love my Master, but if He found someone He loves as much as He loves me, who am I to say to deny His feelings, cause Him resentment.i dont fall in love easily, my Master is my first love, i waited a very long time for that so i dont feel afraid it could happen again and then what. I know me. If we are to be together long term, maybe flexible is right for us. As I don’t think we have had enough time to talk about it. I also need security and to see how He defines this as well. I know for me, I see He may fall in love with another female or more. But what do I see for myself? I never gave it any more thought, til recently.  I like the idea of threesomes, maybe foursomes (Master and 3 girls!)My Master and I don’t get lots of time together. I would love more ,but this is not all about me. I long to go on trips, go places together, do more together, talk about everything be completely transparent. Not easy when you’re busy, we do our best.  He is not always able to be with me, so maybe us defining what we can do for each other/can’t do is a good thing. He is my only love. There won’t be another that holds His place in my heart . But the idea of having another man around who has more time to spend with me, not always about sex, is quite appealing after much thought. To be able to have more time with someone and not have them feel guilty that they cannot give more to you. I try my hardest to not show my Master just how much I crave more with Him. But  I must admit,  I would rather be the only person fulfilling my Masters needs, but if we could have what my friend has, now that is beautiful. That I could do in my life.

I don’t see myself in a house ever again. I don’t want anyone to take my Masters place, balance. I do need to feel close, my personality gets lonely, libra’s are a handful. I don’t know if marriage is what my Master and i want, we have not really spoken about it much, so I will not try to answer that here, our relationship is not ready for that anyway ,at this time. But I am thinking of the possibilities, we could both have what we want with each other, get what we need from each other, and possibly others.

Sounds like a talk could be coming. See how my Master really thinks about poly. How He feels this could work for us. There must be boundaries, structure, rules. But I think I was a bit hasty, I welcome this chat now. See if we can be on the same page, or was just an idea ,but we can see ourselves being together, but  also in love , or in like, with other people as well.

Hmm interesting.  keep in mind these are my views. But true poly can be beautiful. I have never experienced it, but I know many who have. Still with the person they started with, might or might not have others all the time. Some go through times of just them and their significant other for a bit. I’ve seen it all.

– babygirl