Daddy, tell me true

Daddy, will you cuddle me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Hold me tight, never let me go!

Daddy, do you care about me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Tell me a story about us!

Daddy, do you want me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Show me please!

Daddy, do you cherish me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Talk to me more please!

Daddy, do you think about me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Will you kiss me , the kind that takes my breath away!

Daddy ,do you adore me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Will you play with me ,lets have some fun!

Daddy, do i make you happy?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Can we have lots of sex, the dirty kind!

Daddy ,do you like control over me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
I love that you want me, i am only yours!

Daddy, do you desire me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
Will you explain the world to me, everything!

Daddy, do you own me?
Yes babygirl, why do you ask?
I want to know where i belong!

Because i would be lost without you Daddy.

– babygirl ❤


Funishments vs. Punishments

As my Dom so lovingly put it last night, he loves to spank my ass! I am guessing this is a good thing! I even asked him if I needed to behave, he laughed, and said if I do he would have to punish me for that! I’m guessing he will be spanking for the entire time we are together!  These are considered, funishments. If my Dom is laughing and smiling, he is not pissed off then. He’s also quite the sadist so why push it , right? wrong…  It is almost a guarantee that if he gives me an inch , I want a mile. I have this bratty streak a mile wide. I love my bratty side. I see nothing wrong with it. I get to have some cute ass fun with him, make him want me even more and take what’s coming to me!!! gladly, I do like pain as well.

But when he’s mad, oh man. I know I went one step to far in some direction. I am usually looking for the exit. There aren’t any. I must either stand in front of him or kneel , however he wants me, listen to him lecture me of my infraction to his ‘many’ rules. See,  I get these scathingly brilliant ideas of how to get my way, or change the meaning of what he says, to what I actually hear. It happens a lot. I hear him say I like spanking your ass, that translates to ‘ please keep being a brat!’. That is what he said, right?? when I am in real trouble, oh my god, I usually regret pushing so hard to see just where the imaginary line is drawn. I need colors, neon sign would be nice , it should read ” you are approaching dangerous territory, stop” . I have even noticed , that if he just say LOL in a text, I need to be smart enough to shut the fuck up. It means I am digging my own hole, and he will let me fall right on in. It usually ends, ‘ Now I am mad, when I calm down I will talk to you then’. then no Dom for hours. NOOOOoooooooooo. Now my mind races like a car in the Indy 500, what moment was too far? at what point should I have stopped? Why the fuck didn’t he warn me, how fair is that?  If he’s not talking to me, fine I wont talk to him?  How pissed is pissed, I need a scale of 1-10, 1-50, 1-100?  more number we add, safer I feel! Then for the worst part, the whole mind fuck, I wait and wait, and wait, and wait, and wait, wait some more until he finally graces me with his presence, tells me why he is mad, but now calm. and my least favorite… what is coming my way. I wasn’t even curious. not one little bit. So don’t tell me. I do think he likes telling me, helps with that mind fuck. Sort of like the kid who knows they are gonna get it from their parent, but waiting is worse then the actual spank. The moment they hit your ass, you built it up in your mind so much, that it hurts worse then if they leave your mind alone. But not my Dom. He’s great at that. loves for my to stew in my juices. ( not the dirty kind). I don’t like his mind fuck at all. He knows it. it must be written all over my face. He knows that once in front of him, I am quite nervous, anything can happen, usually does. He is a sadist, 100% so its not like we were going to go to the zoo, have a nice friendly chat, him buy me some cotton candy, and skip along the way. oh no, I pick the one who is the most evil bastard on the face of the earth, Charles Manson might have been slightly worse. lol. only slightly.

Some days, after seeing the aftermath on my ass, I wondered how I survived. How did I get through the sheer torture of what I signed up and he delivers? I am never sure. But I do know he will check out his handy work, make some suggestions like hes building a home and should move this line here, or that bruise would have looked lovely over there. LOL. I am usually not amused. I am thinking to myself, is he going to add more since you are apparently not completely satisfied here? I will never say those words exactly, but there is a look, one I am sure he needs never see. If my Dom ever turns psychic and can read minds, I will be running away from home! just a tidbit of info. The reason being, if he could hear what I say in my head, with each swat he delivers to my ass, as hard as he can, I would probably receive more. I am hoping that there are some subs that know what of I speak. I cannot not be the only one who does that. By the time my aftercare is coming, I am all snuggly with him, and I like him again. Now if he asks questions, don’t ask questions, I am trying to let the pain on my ass go. Do I understand why he did that? Yeah, you were mad about… ummm… now hold on a sec I remember…. I did …. no I said? …. but I promise I wont do that again…. if he would ask for specifics, I might be in trouble. shhhhhh don’t tell him.

Our first time

I met Daddy in late April 2015. We had been talking on a fetish website and then we moved to texting each other. We seemed to hit it off. Which is different for me,  I don’t look for a connection, if it happens great. Most of the time that connection I seek is just not there. I can date people but I basically already know that wont go anywhere. But the moment we decided to meet up, it was May 15, 2015. A rainy Friday evening in Arizona. I was running late meeting up with him, the rain was so bad on my side  of town you could hardly see the lines. I was trying to get there on time , as you never keep a Dom waiting. I did text him to  let him know that the weather was the problem. He was quite understanding, but in the parking lot of the Dennys that we were to meet at and waiting for me.  Granted I had only seen his picture online, I was intrigued to say the least. In text he was always proper , as any good Dom would be. Never asked for anything inappropriate, as I was not his. I am not a slut and choose not to be treated like one, he had never treated me that way. But we were both ready to meet face to face after about a few weeks of texting. We seemed to hit it off, and he kept my attention in a text, while still having this commanding presence. Most cannot do that with me. I am a sub in the lifestyle a long time, so no mans bullshit is going to get past me. He was honest, even about what he wanted. I  had my reservations , as I wondered if he was a typical male that thinks if he says/does the right thing the woman will just melt and fall into bed with them. Guess what I am not that way. I want something more.

Back to our meet up…

I finally arrived at Dennys, I texted him to let him know that I was there, and like a gentleman he had waited for me , instead of going ahead and getting a table. I was impressed. I didn’t think manners still existed in this day and age. He let me walk ahead of him, as he held the door, something that was only a one time thing I was sure, and  knew we both knew that. As for protocol , only on that first meet ladies, or unless he changes the rules of protocol. As we were seated, I just looked at him. He was more than I expected. He has these eyes that seem to look into my very soul, his smile is actually one of those that could make your clothes fall off. We talked for a while, and for the life of me, I don’t remember most of what we said, but I walked away feeling like ‘I want this Dom’. Our lifestyle is not like the vanilla world , you don’t reel in a Dom, you let them pick you. You present yourself and then meet, he will either want to proceed, or he wont.

As we got up to leave, my heart sank, I did not want to leave this man. There was something different about him the moment we met. For me to have any want for a Dom, was highly unusual. I had not been in a relationship for quite sometime and wasn’t sure I wanted one again. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be owned. Definitely didn’t want to be collared, that is the equivalent to an engagement ring. All things I walk away from. But this Dom took my breath away. He walked me to my car, we talked a little more, then you know that awkward moment of the first kiss. Well, he grabbed me around my waist and pulled me into him, oh wow! and immediately he took my breath away with that kiss. Firm lips that just took mine , and quickly my eyes closed , which means I was seriously into this kiss. If you know me, I don’t do the romantic crap. I will keep my eyes open for everything, I don’t care what the guy thinks. But this Dom had taken me by surprise all night long. I didn’t even resist his kiss, that was different for me as well. I don’t usually let any Dom put their hands on me, no sex, I will test you for the next 2-4 months, however long I see fit. That is to make sure you wont hurt me, this is not just about sex, I can get that anywhere. I will make you wait a while so you can prove to me that this is all worth my time. I am the one who surrenders, show me why I want to. Show me why I want to serve you, make you happy, be yours. No man could ansnwer these questions for the last 4 years.  I was smiling to myself all the way home. How did he know to kiss me like that, or that I would let him, were my thoughts on the way home. How did I just undo my rules for him? Why do I desire this man so much?  I knew from the moment we met I was in trouble. He had this commanding presence and I wanted to be his. That has NEVER happened to be this fast, for any reason. I don’t care if you are the cutest guy , richest guy I have ever met. I am in charge of me.  This Dom had taken control in the most subtle ways. And I was letting him get away with that. I had the power and the right to say ‘no’, but not once did I use it.

He texted me , I was not home yet to read it, once home I opened my phone to read, ‘ you will meet me here tomorrow, this is the address, the time’. Hold on here. I could say ‘no’ but I didn’t . Why cant I say ‘no’ and resist him?

I got up the next morning , showered, did my hair /make up, dressed and was out the door in plenty of time to see him again. I arrived at the time he gave me, he was already waiting for me. This time it was real, but I didn’t know him very well except for texting and the night before.  He opened my door and pulled me from my vehicle, smiled at me, kissed me and then shoved me into his vehicle. I was afraid and on alert now. What if I was wrong about him? what if he was some crazed rapist /murderer and no one will ever see me or hear from me again? That thought went through my mind, and I am sure he enjoyed that. Especially now that I know him much better, but then I was ready to defend myself and started looking around for any weapons, a way to hurt him and run, how to get him to let me go. Which I am sure now he must have enjoyed that I was ready to fight him off of me , at all cost.  Once he got to a new location, he said to stay put, he walked to my side of the vehicle and took me by the arm and guided me to the drivers seat. He kept looking at me like I was some piece of meat, to do with as he pleased. Yet he had no idea I was looking for a way out, or was I ? He came close to kiss me and I pulled back, he then grabbed my hair and brought me to his lips for that kiss. He was getting closer to me know, and opened my legs so he could be very close to me. and that kiss was much harder against my lips.  I wanted to resist him but at this point he had just taken me and gotten his way. How would I get the upper hand here? I needed to find a way to get him off of me. and make my move.  He grabbed my wrists, pulled me out of the vehicle , and turned me around. he then put his head closer to my ear, and asked if I was  afraid of him.  I didn’t answer. He swatted my ass so hard I popped forward onto the seat. He just pulled me up again. and repeated the words. He was expecting me to answer his stupid ass question. “yes, a little scared”. He seemed pleased that I was scared, that pissed me off and now I really wanted to get away from him. What the hell was he trying to prove? Although the tighter my body got before him, the more he pulled against me. I did push his hands away, he would smile and put them back. I didn’t give up . I was not his and how dare he just take anything he wanted. I wasn’t sure if this was some evil test he has set up for subs, or just me. Who would let him treat them this way, I hated him at this point. I was not about to be used by this asshole. Then he started to undo the zipper on my shorts, he pushed me down on the seat to have this way. I fought him. I was not going to lay still for him to get off and make me feel used. I wanted out of here now, but how would that happen. I was trying to get him off of me and before I knew it he was already inside of me. the more I moved the more he grabbed the back of my head and made me stay in one position. I was not happy. I have never wanted to fight so much and had so little control. The way he kept getting my mind and then my body to respond.One moment I want away from him, the next moment I lose all train of thought and want more. What the fuck was happening? The next part will be bleeped the fuck out………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

What happened for the next certain amount of time was private. Especially for our first time. Out of respect for him , I wont dare share it. We do however just like to remember the parts that were hot. And If you couldn’t tell I am into domination, which he is great at. I also love to be taken and controlled. He played it off so well. except for a mishap that was unforeseen on our part. The part we wont mention. It all went well.

After the part that went wrong happened, I had my faith in him battered a bit. not completely, but I didn’t talk to him for several days. He finally texted me and wanted to know if I was still interested in him and wanted to proceed, leave that incident in the past and move on from there. As somehow we could both feel this invisible force that is pulling us together, we have the most incredible sex, he is definitely what I have been wanting for so long. I can only hope that he feels that too and that we stay together for a long time. I have many things I want to try with him. I want to be his and only his. He has my attention.

* just for reference, not every scene goes as planned. Sometimes unforeseen circumstances happen, and no one is perfect. Not even a Dom. But how you choose to look at each mistake and learn /grow from it shows your level of experience in this lifestyle.  We both knew that it wasn’t supposed to go wrong.  Next time, his place!!! I can fight like hell!