The long road ahead

As my bff has found the Dom of her dreams, things are heading full steam ahead. She’s now at the very crucial point, becoming fully His.

He is starting to break her. For those in our lifestyle you know what I’m talking about. Each Dom will shake is head in accordance, as they have each broken someone who means something to them. Each submissive smiles and has that moment of ‘ oh dear God , the pain. But it’s all worth it.

Was it really worth the pain? When it’s the right Dom, yes. I’ve known some that would help break any sub or slave, no relationship was needed. Just your time, and respect for the Dom. No sex involved. It was just to free her from all the pain of the past, set her free. Help her grow in each area of her life to be the best she can be. I’ve met fake Dom’s who took this breaking very wrong. Used the women for sex, no real training. I’ve been here a long time, even my first Master who helped train me to a point, knew it would not be sexual, never was. It was about protocol, rules, expectations, how to serve with your whole heart. Once he was done we were released. He let us know he’s gone as far as he was able, training would be accomplished by the one who picked us for their own. He was right. I learned plenty. I was happy, peaceful, young, and now searching for my other half of the puzzle. I now look at all exes as life showing me what I don’t want. If I think about this any other way, my self talk really goes badly, ‘ how could you be so stupid’, ‘ what were you thinking’, ‘ were you on drugs for that whole relationship’. Shit like this, unhealthy.

Granted I still have my good days, and my bad days. But most are good! I’m happier now that my Master has shown me how He wants me to serve Him. How to think, how to behave. He’s made room for my babygirl side, not much room for the brat in me. My friend did ask, ‘ how will I know when training is done?’ that’s a fair question, ‘ never’. As people we are always evolving and changing, He will know the way, so follow Him. 

When you’ve been single a long time, how do you just let someone take over your life? One step at a time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will you be. Believe me, she doesn’t always like my answers. Each sub or slave will have their own breakdown and rebuild, no two are alike. 

She is cautious if he will read her and know what she needs, doesn’t need. On this, I giggled alittle. They are born dominant, they think dominant, they sleep dominant, they react dominant in this world. We, however, are submissive so we can only understand our side of things. This is where trust will take you further. Just let go… Yes, easier said,than done. But we submissives all go through this fire.

Why must I be broken? Aren’t I fine the way I am? This gave her cause for concern, does he want a perfect woman and she is his willing victim. To the untrained eye it might appear this way. I had to find an analogy she could relate to. Her children and gardening. I started, ” if your child was full of unhappiness,sadness, pent up emotions, not living life to the fullest would you leave your child there? If any of your plants were not doing well would you let it die, or work on bringing it back?” Her response, ” I’m not heartless I would guide my child with love ,listen to them, help them thru, do what was necessary. The plant too”. I smiled at her, she looked puzzled.

Let me explain! He sees you not living at your full potential, pent up crap from the past, things that need to go. He will show you how to release it all. Then he will fill those empty spaces with things you actually need. And show you who you really are, the real YOU that you were meant to be before life happened to you. Plus, you’re his so you will learn how to please him. Think of his needs before he speaks of them. Put him first in all things. This is what Dom’s do, when he’s done you will be an amazing woman, the woman you were always meant to be. And since he’s the one doing the work, he reaps all the benefits. I can hardly wait to see you six months from now, a year from now. 

She wondered if this is what makes me love my Master more? Yes, it does. Plenty of men before Him saw my pain, and made more, whether intentional or not. He saw my worth, what I can become. Even the things He puts me in charge over in my life, He still watches those. He still pushes me, even out of my comfort zones. The only thing is I don’t fight near as much. I will occasionally ask if this one area can be untouched, the answer is usually, ”No, I expect it to be done, no more questioning me”. Believe me I know how to grit my teeth and bare it really well. But once I get through it I’m very happy, I grew again. 

My Master knows me like a book. He’s knows when to push, and when to leave something alone and maybe try it again at a later date. For instance, humiliation, my ex robbed me of all my emotions. My Master could hardly say anything to me that I didn’t take it like a personal hit to mean He must hate me as much as my ex. Years later, my Master can look at me and ask, ” who’s Daddy’s lil whore?” I’m smiling like an idiot! And my babygirl side is bouncy and giggling, ” me Daddy!!” I’ve changed so much. He, my Master, knows my past, knows me so well that with only words He could kill me if He wanted. A few times, in the heat of an argument, He has cut me and I’m bleeding out. Only He didn’t leave me like that, lifestyle or not, we are still only human. He has had to fix me up again, and send me on my way. I’m good again. But there’s a difference, what other men meant for harm, my Master had no intention of harming me and leaving. It’s fixable. 

The vanilla world knows nothing of this kind of thing. Vanilla women are not allowed to let vanilla men break them down and build them up again, but better. Most vanilla men wouldn’t know where to begin. This is where I have always felt like our lifestyle is far superior than our vanilla counterpart. We choose to be an open book, they hide their true feelings. 

If you are so unhappy in your own world that you cannot see the beauty in this breaking down do NOT mssg me, I will not be kind. I have seen tv and many about females letting men deconstruct you, or take your identity. The commercial that comes to mind is a woman being  led around by a man, she’s on a collar and leash. He leaves her outside a store, the commercial sees her the same as a common house pet. I see the beauty in the collar and leash. As you wouldn’t want your dog to go to far from you, safety reasons, how would you let your woman go to far from you? But this particular commercial is made by feminists movement, and infringes my rights. They do NOT decide for me, my Master will. He has only my good in mind. For those small minded people, you make me sick 

The road ahead is a long one for bff, reason being, does she have a submissive side that she’s denied for years? If there is her Dom will be bringing it out. She’s never been trained before so everything is a surprise. I’m trying to show her how to respectfully ask for clarification. She did however not listen to me, and he stopped his process once she questioned and then told him what she can’t handle. But then asked him to explain what he’s doing, after he already did. I was shaking my damn head. Yikes! If this had been me and my Master, let’s just say I’d be lucky to be alive. This is where my bff says, ” I will not be in fear of any man”.  Wanna bet?

I calmly say, ” I never said fear, I said reverence”. I did try to explain to stop fighting the process. She let me know that he’s aware of how far he can push her and things that are hard limits and will stay that way. Again, I’m shaking my damn head, and I’m thinking” just shut up”.  

I had to explain why when she starts telling him she’s doing her best, that he gets up and leaves. Always a hard one! I explained it’s several reasons. 1. He knows it’s not your best, but you’ll get there how he wants you to be, he must push to see what that is. 2. How submissive are you. 3. Only one of you will be in charge and he leaves to remind you he chooses to be in your life and feel the pain of his empty presence. 4. You need to stop talking, this is his job. 5. Once you said, Yes , you lost all rights, you’re his.

She did let me know that breaking hurt like a son of a bitch. ” You don’t say?” Was my come back! She’s not sure she can continue. I ask, ” do you love him? Do you trust him? If not, don’t go thru the fire for him. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s worth it”. We submissives know that ONE DAY when you look in the mirror, you finally see the person looking back. You wonder WTH is going on. Oh my god, he broke me. The only person you have to thank is him. The only person you want is him. You have value because of him. You now know all that pain was worth it! 

I gave her a hug as I left, I wished her the best. I hope she sticks with the breaking down, she needs it. She deserves to let go of all the crap from her past. She hugged me again, and said she was sorry for never paying attention to things I said. Or seeing the slave I am for my Master. She always thought the things I do to show my Master love and respect were mundane. Now she sees for herself! No apology was necessary, but I do get the added joy of when we go somewhere she MUST ask, and wait for the response. Paybacks a bitch! 

I’m still very thankful for my Master seeing potential in me. I don’t always see it. But I like me more now, than ever! All because of Him. Is His work done in me? Nope, it never ends. Thank you Daddy!


What’s it all for?

Pain… In our lifestyle it’s a foreground. We know most of us fall into 1 or 2 categories, love to give pain (sadists), love to accept pain ( masochists). 

After reading some new articles in a popular psychology magazine, I’ve gained new insight from the articles as to how healthy our lifestyle really is. 

Our lifestyle let’s us go with our own flow. We pick where we fit in, being dominant or submissive and everything in between. You’re accepted for who you are. And let’s add this to, respected. Could that be any better? You get to find someone who has the lifestyle in common with you, but you will try to find someone you are in perfect balance with. Of course this makes those relationships deeper, we have opened ourselves up to each other and are exposed. We both must trust that we can be ourselves, and then you include, another deepest level of connection between two ppl. 

OK, the lifestyle is not always perfect. But it works! You can find what you need here, even if only someone’s play partner. 

Let’s look at the lifestyle deeper. I have a friend who is a psychologist. She swears there’s nothing better than our lifestyle, which she practices in bedroom only! To be able to ask for what you need. Yes, we are supposed to have a trusted person in our life ,and this goes both ways. My Master sometimes ‘needs’ to just give pain. It’s cathartic for Him, you can see it coursing through His veins. Since I’m His slave I do as I’m told. Even though I would have anyway. I ‘need’ pain. It’s quite cathartic for me as well. For me, it clears my mind, stress goes bye bye, I can think again! It’s great. I should ask for pain more, but when your dominant is also a sadist ( be careful what you wish for!) If He asks if I need some extra pain, all He’s gonna hear is: ” I’m good! I’m doing so good, but thanks for thinking of me” Lol. The funny thing is He knows when I’m really unhappy, and I need something. I want to shop, drink, fuck. But I really need His guiding hand to just give me pain. Only my sadist loves me to beg for it. That gets Him going, the thoughts rush in of what He’d like to do to me, before I know it He’s got me bent over the side of the bed, or anything nearby, giving me pain, fucking me from behind, and beaming with pride cuz I’m a hot teary mess. Granted, once He’s done I’ll be in His strong arms being cared for and loved, but in that moment,love looks different. 

That’s what the world sees. Violence. But what you see as violence, I need, I crave, I desire. I feel closer to Him at that time since He’s giving me what I need, what I asked for. He will even push my limits, sometimes take away my choice, punish me. The trust in that moment is amazing, I have to trust He can and will give me what I need without harming me permanently, or killing me, or crushing me emotionally. He trusts me to give Him my body to do with as He chooses, to serve,put Him first. All I see in this is the beauty of it. The world doesn’t see what we see. 

There is something to be said for working out your inner demons, even things you’re scared of. A good dominant will not let you stay in that frame of mind, even if they don’t own you but do care about others in our world, they may just help you through your darkness. I’ve seen it plenty of times. 

For instance, in a class that Dominants and submissives were taking, the man running the class asked all subs ” Are you stuck anywhere?”. We all knew what that meant. An older woman, a slave, raised her hand. She explained that she and her Master had been together for many years, they had a beautiful life together, four kids and some grandkids. Her life was to serve, that was up until the moment he died. In a way she died, as in she just stopped. There was no Master to guide her, or even release her. The whole room felt that pain. Four ,long time Masters/highly respected in the community, stood up and went to her. They all vowed to guide her through her menagerie of feelings. Check on her, and get her to a place emotionally and physically that she could be released. It took alittle over a year, but that’s what this lifestyle is really about. It’s not sex, that’s the icing on the cake. But when vanilla ppl visit our world to dip their toe into the bdsm pool, or just visit after reading a certain/seeing those movies, do they even spend any real time here to grasp any of this? Probably not. Just here for the sex. But there’s so much more.

I used to teach subs and slaves, i could tell without any doubt who really wanted this lifestyle. For those who wasted my time, I taught them red flags and told them to be very cautious, because no self respecting dominant would want someone not serious, so only those who were pretend dominants would want them. I was right Everytime. These subs and slaves would get angry with me when these men were to rough, harmed them, or even raped them. I warned them. But they chose not to heed the advice. Am I at fault? No. If you wanted dirty sex, even bad ppl know to come here. But don’t you dare blame the lifestyle. We didn’t harm you, we accepted you, just as you are. We tried to help you, you didn’t want help. This lifestyle is no joke for those of us who need it, crave it. This is how I live each and everyday, there is no vanilla anything for me. Maybe at work, in front of relatives or kids, but that’s about it.

When will the world ever see the beauty in who we are, how we live… Maybe never. 

There’s absolutely more to say on this subject, but for now I’ll close.

The gift

He did give me something most wonderful,I get to talk! My gbff came over last night, we talked and talked for hours. He has known me longer than most people, and he definitely wanted to know what was up with me…

All I told him was that my Daddy wants me to talk. That my Daddy said in the two years we’ve been together I haven’t talked much. Well that’s mostly lifestyle. I have never been given the green light to talk. I can’t remember a master or a Dom who wanted me to talk, occasionally yes, but for the most part I was to be seen and not heard. That has been the norm for the lifestyle. 

Other slaves I know , most are like me, quiet. We are reserved until we are together having some girl time, we can’t shut up! If we text each other, we can’t shut up! We are female, we don’t shut up, but any master walk in the room, we STOP, dead in our tracks. It goes back to quick answers. ‘Yes Sir’ ‘ No Sir’.  

Our job as a slave: to listen, to serve, to respect, to give, to care, to answer, to please, to be of use.  Does it sound like we talk much? We don’t. We all can go to our Masters and ask to speak, when we really need to talk. That doesn’t mean things will change. But we were heard. It’s how a slave is taught to communicate. 

Now He’s changed things. He gave me this ‘ gift of gab’. He did not say if there were any rules. Like, do I still need to ask Him if I may speak and then actually speak. Maybe rules are coming. Maybe He wanted to see if I could even open up. But He started this, it’s pouring out of me. I haven’t held back. I just say it. It’s so exciting! I’m actually breathing easier, my stomach doesn’t hurt and it always hurts. It’s like I’m not stuffing it all for once, and staying silent. I can see how it could get out of hand. I know when I’m around people in Daddy’s life, do NOT make Him regret this gift. I’m to be seen and not heard at those times. How do I know? Cuz He never said it was a free for all. Say what I want, to anyone I want, at anytime I want. What He said was talk to me. 

This gift might be reserved for Him only. But being His property I also have to think about my position in the world as well. A slave would never run at the mouth and embarrass her Master. So there really are plenty of times when I just shut up in public, to friends, to family. But recently I haven’t. All of them saying the same question, ‘ What’s this new thing?’ 

I’m talking! Yes, there are words coming out of my mouth bitches, and most of you have just begun to hear me.
I do wonder will He take this gift from me, just have enough of me talking. Cuz I’ve got things to say! I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially Him. But what if I need to say something? There are times, many times,  like when He’s on His phone so much I just really want to say, “please put your phone down I really need your time” but I don’t say anything.  Or one of my kids, I really want to say: ” go live your gd life, quit making me take care of your ass. You don’t give 100% to be independent, and you seem perfectly fine with me taking care of you. You shouldn’t be fine with this, I love you but I’m fucking exhausted”. I let this same child know that since I cosigned for a car that went back to the bank, you ruined my credit, but you’re gonna help me pay for the bankruptcy. He’s owed me money in the past and I let it go, but this won’t be forgiven. You’re paying me. But there are others who owe me money,one person owes me $4000, and I’ve said nothing to them. But maybe I should.i don’t remind ppl that they owe me, I’ve not gotten any payments,I just let it eat at me. Even my gbff I told Him how I felt too. He was shocked, said it’s like a new me. 

I can see how this gift could get me into trouble too. But I can feel how freeing it is as well! 

Who’s next? Just step right up so I can tell you what I think of you, your life, your choices, how I always listen to your shit. But do you do that for me… 

Problems? We ain’t got no stinkin problems.

Today is about problems within your bdsm relationship and how we deal with them. My girlfriend’s each have a different area of their lives that is challenging right now. That’s reality. Even those crazy vanilla people have problems to. But within bdsm we are supposed to be more connected, deepen our communication, make the Dom, or sub more important so we can avoid problems.

Funny thing, no matter what, life hands you lemons. It’s what you do with them that counts. OK, so vetting is one thing, and in bdsm we definitely encourage it. Take the time to see if this is the person for you. Can you be in charge of this sub/slave? Can you submit to this Dom? These are great questions, but many only see the sex side, and forget that a real relationship is forming. Put sex aside, if you can’t ,at least in your mind so you can be real with yourself. Do you really belong with this person? My true thoughts here : is that you will need 3-6months to truly answer that question. No one can hide their true self forever, and don’t lie to yourself. Some of you knew it was wrong from the start(anyone can tell, you’re in denial). 

I know in the wonderful world of bdsm, it’s damn hard to wait for “the one”. But I’m gonna say it! Yep, it’s so worth it! My Daddy is “the one”. A bit of advice, you CAN find ‘ the one’ , and still fuck it up. So take your time. If you’re planning long term, then taking your time just makes sense. I’ve trained subs/slaves for a long time. The hardest part was telling them everything I’m writing here, to have it fall on deaf ears. They would be collared in weeks, maybe a month. Yes, I have a problem with that. It’s the equivalent to an engagement ring, would you get engaged after weeks with someone, I’m hoping the answer is no. These same women come crying to me pretty fast, that it didn’t work out and I trained them wrong. Nope, I’m not responsible for your victim shit.

What went wrong so fast? Well, do you really know each other. Did you accept that person and all their baggage? If you want any relationship, you must realize we ALL have baggage. Unless your Dom/sub has been on a deserted island for many years , highly unlikely, then we all come with baggage. For the relationship to work, you must be comfortable enough to unpack that baggage, and both sort it all out. First, get past the honeymoon phase, usually 3-6 months. If you can get to that point and you still respect each other, the passion is alive and burning, you have a chance.

This is no ordinary relationship. If you have or are a Dom, you’re in charge of this crazy train. Hopefully you’ve weighed it all and feel you want the sub before you, her baggage too. As his/her Dom you will require him/her unpack and start moving on from the past. Set her up to be the best she can be. The Dom sets the tone , rules, structure, boundaries within this relationship. So it’s up to the Dom to present to you have He/She wants the relationship. Yeah subbies, you might get many choices, or any at all.  If He is kind ,He will want to know your thoughts on how you feel. He still has final say. My own Daddy will ask for my real thoughts, so if I’m questioning anything, confused, or feel I’m not wanting something in my life well ,we talk. I usually ask for time to think, He has granted that each time, He knows I’m a thinker. He knows when I’m ready I will ask to talk soon. I always know He is listening to me. I also know His word is final say. If at any point I can no longer serve Him, I’m free to walk away, but He would rather I communicate first. Since I suck at communication I do try my best to respectfully say what I need to say, in hopes that He’s listening and can guide me if I’m not correct in how I see things,Which is my turn to listen. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve come a long way!

As the sub, remember you serve. Can you serve on your good days and bad days too. There is no difference to the Dom in your life. He will want to know why you’re not yourself, Dom/sub, we are all human, but you still serve Him. I can only think of a few times you’d be excused from serving, at least for a bit. 

1. You died, jk. A family/friend died

2. You had a baby

3. You’re sick as a dog

4. There could be a few more, but nothing comes to mind.

Can a sub really deal with serving even when it feels the world is against you. Because that’s what you’re signing up for. I get to hear subs complain, “He treats me like I’m His indentured servant”. My first thought , ‘ I’m not surprised’, but you are,why? We made it clear what a submissive is/does. If you romanticized it, or thought it wasn’t really like that, who’s problem is that?

In the lifestyle, we have vanilla times/ moments. But we are still fully lifestyle. Even after my surgery, my Master wanted to know how I was doing, when would I be myself again. Was He being selfish,No,I am His. We are not vanilla, although while I healed we had some vanilla moments. His actions before/ after surgery showed me how much He loves me, His property. And I was focused on getting better quickly, I love to serve, it gives me purpose. I am happy when I can do for Him. He can count on me. Are we perfect, not by a long shot, but we are very good together, we balance each other very well. And after all this time together, that’s promising. We couldn’t fake it this long, OK a complete psycho could, but we are normal kinky ppl.

When I hear issues from friends, my first thought is, ‘ go talk to your dominant’. I do listen, but I will want you to do the work that our lifestyle requires. ‘ is this the real problem?’ , ‘ is there something underlying going on instead?’ ‘what is your struggle really about?’. I don’t like excuses, I like working on it. I like to think first, especially in my own life. I ask myself if this is why I’m really upset. Think it through. 

I do like the concept of living together first before anything to permanent. Do you really belong together? Where do squeeze the toothpaste from? Do you talk or fight? Can you clean up after your dominant day after day? ( Even after a hard day at work). How will you balance Dom/work/kids? ( Or is calgon just gonna take you away each night). It’s hard to get upset with your dominant when you signed up for this life. You knew what you were getting into, now you’re trying to act like a victim. Nope. Can you imagine if you got married to quickly? You would have to stick it out, or go get divorced, but there were answers right before your eyes, you ignored them. 

I guess you lied to yourself. You lied to your SO. You don’t have follow thru, or you watched 50 shades. Sorry subbies not every Dom is a millionaire, or gonna let you call the shots. You really will be serving Him, cleaning/dusting/vacuuming/ doing laundry/dishes/cooking/ entertaining/ raising kids , in His castle. 

In our lifestyle it’s not up for debate, it’s not a democracy, it’s the Dom’s way or no way. Now hopefully you took your time and got the right Dom for you. Not a fake or phony. Someone looking for a victim, or  He’s an abuser. This is your life, plan it well. Keep in mind, we all have our way of doing things, we all have problems. In the lifestyle we should be working on those problems, and any that come up in the relationship. How you communicate and work things out, should tell you a lot. Will you and your dominant last a long time? I hope you can honestly say yes. 

Problems will show up from time to time. It’s how you and your dominant tackle them together that counts. Just keep in mind, no one is perfect. But two ppl who want the same things, grow together, listen, and find their balance in our lifestyle have a great chance at succeeding. 

Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah ( Starts tonight!).

– His babygirl

Terrified of love

I have really given this a lot of thought. I am terrified, but why? For starters, I hate the thought that anything could happen to Him, and I could be alone. Things that go thru my mind: could He ever fall in love with His ex again, I’ve seen it many times that a person will go back , and not necessarily for love but for the kids. I have even had a few ask me to wait til there kids were 18 , nope. You do what you need to do, no hard feelings from me, but I won’t be waiting in the wings. 

I’m afraid He could be in another horrible accident, and well you know… That is a scary thought, He’s wrecked on his motorcycle before. I refuse to be like women I know; “if you love me/our family then you won’t ride”. Nope, that’s not me either. I don’t want Him to stop being Him, reason I fell in love with Him! Everyone has an expiration date, I can only hope we get 50 yrs together!

I worry about not being enough. What if someone hotter, skinnier gets His attention? Ok, I ‘was’ afraid of this, but something in me changed one day.i don’t want an actual open relationship, but I do like threesomes. I have some boundaries that no bitch should cross, but other than that I’m good. How did the other change? Well, I feel that if some girl can actually take His mind off me, what we have together, then it was never meant to be. Cheating is a choice. 

Let’s say, everything is perfect. He only wants me, dreams about me. Wants a life and a future together. Have some threesomes, but i am the woman at His side, loving Him, taking care of Him. He is my world. Maybe married someday, now how do I feel…scared. What if I’m not enough. What if I the biggest regret to Him. Has He really seen every side of me to make such a choice. What if at some point i can’t fulfill my duties as His slave/babygirl. What if I just need a break from the lifestyle? I do that from time to time. I put it in a pretty box, on a shelf, in my mind. I always come back to it. but what ifs are on my mind lately. He keeps saying little things,” when we live together…” I get it, it’s soon. I don’t ask what soon means, not because I’m not curious, or don’t care, not looking forward to this. I am! I want everything with Him. I just do more ‘what ifs’.

What if He hates how I decorate our home.

What if I can’t really cook, and my kids just lied and said it was good all these years cuz they were hungry.

What if I lose my looks as I age, will He still want me

What if His friends, family, or His club doesn’t like me

What if His kids don’t bond with me, like mine have with Him.

What if we fight and argue, I’m not big on that, so I know it would damage me

What if He wants to change me, will it be good for me, or will I resent Him

What if He ever cheats on me, it would kill me. I’ve been cheated on by former men in my life, it stung. But He would kill me, He’s my first real love of my life. He holds the key to my heart, the knife too. 

I deserve to be loved, past men and exes taught me that I was nothing, get used to being cheated on. There was nothing special or wonderful about me. I am nothing but a place to put a cock in where a guy wants. But my Daddy changed all that. He gave me value, worth, a crown. As I’m seated on the right of my King. I don’t always feel noble, I’m still a slut with no real worth in my head. But He makes it all wonderful since He doesn’t say or do things that change that. There really is no one else in this world who gets me, like He does. Has taken the time to talk to me, listen to me, as He does. He gives me the most beautiful gifts, I am not sure I’ve done anything to deserve them, but I love them. He’s the greatest man to me, in my heart. There is none other that could ever do what He’s done, He’s done the impossible, made me learn to love myself. I’m not conceited,but I can now look in the mirror and see some value. I feel love coming from Him, I feel it all around me. When I think of all He’s done for me, my kids, I feel so small in this life. I don’t think I can match what He’s done. I will always try, He deserves me to give my best. 

What if my best isn’t good enough, He’s still here. So maybe He sees my heart and can feel how much I love Him, care about Him, think about Him, miss Him, pray for Him. He really is my everything!

– His babygirl

The Deeper The Love 

Friday night was a date night with Daddy and another couple. We had a great time. But let’s start at the beginning. 

Daddy got to my home, I was ready and waiting! I followed His directions down to the last letter. I hoped i met with His approval, His face seemed to say it all, yes. I was so excited to be going to have some fun with Him. Plus show Him that I’ve been reading a lot about how to please my Biker Daddy. I have taken this very seriously as i want to earn His respect so He knows He can trust me in any situation. I want Him proud of me! I won’t fail. Daddy let me know last night that I  was His ‘good girl’! 

Before our night really starts, Daddy and I had some dinner.  As we were driving to meet up with the other couple, Daddy put on music from His phone. I smiled when it played, as i realized we both listen to the exact same song and think about each other. How did we do that?, with all the music out in the world we both pick the same song! I was mezmerized. As we drove to their home we were singing to the music and holding hands. Ahhh, life is Good! We met up with the couple, introduce everyone, head to our destination. I like that Daddy is letting me in deeper, into His life. This step  of letting me meet club members is a big deal for Him, I could tell. So being on my best behavior, remembering all the stuff I’ve read about ,was my priority. I want Daddy to stay in my life for a long time, so Him knowing how important this is to me makes sense. 

When we arrived at our destination I kept quiet, didn’t interrupt Daddy, stayed by His side. I did try to keep a light conversation with the other female. But I kept my eyes and attention on Daddy. I know the biker lifestyle is considered more on the vanilla side, but i find many aspects of bikers lifestyle remind me of , well bdsm, so I felt very comfortable.

As Daddy was in line to pick up our tickets, we see this group of people, lots great energy going on. Daddy says, “That will be you soon.”  Now I’m looking at this group with complete curiosity. I see a girl in a short black dress with her arm around a man she’s obviously with, i see a group of men and women just laughing and talking, to the right i see a female wearing a sash that reads, ‘Bride to be’. I didnt ask Daddy for clarification, so i spent time being just puzzled about what He was talking about. I guess I should have asked for Him to clarify as im still puzzled. Did He see something i missed? Were one of these people ,who caught my eye, what He was talking about. Damn i wish i could read

Our night was very fun, but as a few situations happened i wasnt sure what to do, i needed Daddys attention. I noticed the few times I needed to get Daddy’s attn was when the waitress stopped to take our order, and i got hungry. I knew better than to interrupt, so I sort of elbowed Daddy, it did get His attn so I could point to her. It was the only thing that came to mind so Daddy wouldn’t be mad. He seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to get my way, only help everyone order. This being our first time out in this situation,  Daddy did make sure i was doing fine all thru the night. Thank you Daddy.

The night was great. Daddy seemed pleased. That was my goal. I behaved as instructed. As we made our way out of the venue and back to the vehicle my thoughts were could I do this forever… Yes!

 On the drive home Daddy talked and I listened. He was very open about trying this in the past with other females only to wind up pissed off. He was very pleased with me. I had done exactly what I set to do, have Him be proud of me! Be happy that I’m His. I am His slave so all night my thoughts were gathered around that,  it is always right as i put my Master first, and I’m sure He could tell. I may have dressed sexy, but there was only 1 man I wanted , Daddy.  I may have been stared at by other men, but they can look at what is ONLY Daddy’s. There is no one in this world who can take my eyes off Daddy.  

All night long Daddy led, i followed. As we got back home, Daddy and I seemed very much in sync. It was like we shifted again, but for me , no more fear of it. We got into bed, Daddy found a movie , we were tired but not exhausted.  We started talking a bit, then Daddy made a move, and it was on. Oh Yeah! I got pounded by my Daddy. It was good, so damn good. I fell asleep right after, i just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I felt safe, completely happy. He gives me everything i need. We woke up several hours later, and had sex again! I did wonder if this will be what it’s like when we live together… 

Daddy and i talked for hours, i listened, He listened. I’ve been stressed. He held me while i let a few tears go. I love this man in my life, making it a much better place to live, thrive. I did hear Him about some tough things for me, my kids. Not that I’m doing a bad job, but i am not pushing the kids so they’ve gotten to relaxed. He is right, i realize i can’t do everything. I need some help. I hope Daddy is ready for all of us in His life, it won’t be easy but hopefully worth it to Him, cuz He’s all i got. 

The whole night, into the next morning was fantastic. If this is how life with Daddy is gonna be, yay! I know i think about it a lot anymore. I’m even dreaming about it more and more, that doesn’t usually happen to me. Weird. 

As Daddy went to go do His day, and i do mine my thoughts were never far from Him. But i do like waking up next to Him, one day…

To be honest, i played the song Daddy and i had been listening to. Its link is on here. But yesterday everytime i heard it tears fell. I have never been much of a crier, ever. But He does something to me, reaches a place in me no other man came close to, My heart. I have one! I was known as the ice queen, now i get it, this is the right man for me. I’m hoping i can still listen to this song and not cry everytime! 


Middle of the night

In the middle of the night I realize I have much on my mind. I feel like I’m missing Him, but I know it won’t be forever! Just for now. We just work together so well. I love how we are both thinkers. We both just get shit done, I like that. 

I really like whatever this change is that’s happening. I don’t know how to define it, or what it is ,but it’s like we get closer all the time, more vulnerable to each other. More things are being revealed since we are so comfortable with each other. 

Yesterday, felt wonderful. He included me in things He’s needing help with, and I used to build homes. Yes build, from the ground,  up. I know I may not be the one to actually help Him although I would be if He needs me, but I had this indescribable feeling, I’m right where I want to be in my life, need to be!

Things i want Him to know:

You CAN trust me. I won’t ever cheat on you. 1. I know what it feels like, and I wouldn’t want to cause that kind of pain in another person, it’s wrong.2. If I ever feel that this isn’t working and I need some other guy, I would talk to you first and end things, not that that wouldn’t hurt but it would be more respectful of you as a person. Why more ppl don’t do this is beyond me. Once someone has cheated you should call it a day. Don’t lie to yourself about how much you love that person because obviously you really dont.

I truly love you. I will admit I thought I loved other people, children are not included in this. But the feelings I have with you are so deep,  so strong. It’s like nothing I’ve felt before. So I must have just really cared about others, because I have not felt what I have with you, for any other man I’ve ever known, includes my exes. Also lets me know that ppl do throw the word ‘love’ around a lot. But I truly,honestly love You! I’ve never loved anyone before, nor could there be anyone after you now that I know this feeling, i understand each corny love song! I get the chic movies! I also understand why someone would ask another person to be theirs forever,  you want that feeling around you to last a long time, it feels great. 

You really are my best friend. Because good or bad I want to share things with you. I value your opinion. I like talking to you, you seem to feel as safe with me as I do with you. You’ve changed my life so much, in a good way!  You push me when you think I need that. It’s like you are the first person to read me. You know when something is bugging me, you know when I’m fine. I like that you’re tuned in, I feel important. You make me laugh! I know that seems like a guy job, men like to make women laugh, but I really laugh, no making it up, no fake laughing to impress you, I think you are so funny! 

I am here to better your life as you do in mine. This shouldn’t be just one way,  lifestyle or not. I know sometimes we get caught up or lost in the lifestyle,  forget that ppl should have real roles in our life. But I think we for together quite nice ,even in the vanilla world. I like that as we get closer that ‘us’ really has meaning.  But then I also like ‘us’ in the lifestyle too. Best of it all. I like that we solve problems together. Things won’t always be so hectic,  we will have more balance as we evolve. 

I’m here because I know what I want. Which is a life with you. I know I go slow, but it seems to work. Plus we have obstacles to clear from our path. I did have this feeling the moment I met you that you were ‘the one’ the elusive one that ppl search for . I had wondered if I’d ever find you, but you found me. Twice. I got so very lucky, or whatever I’m supposed to call It! I do get why some ppl take a plunge after weeks, a few months, it’s that feeling, it’s undeniable.  It’s always there to remind that you’re with the person you’re supposed to be with. But I’m glad we didn’t rush. We have our own way.  Our own story♡  I’m sure you’ll tell the our grandchildren how grandma was a dope and lost you once, but you found her again. The second time was much better, she was ready to love! And fell in love with grandpa heart and soul, so completely! 

I love you, I don’t know why this was so important to say the words here,  but it is. Thank you for finding me, loving me, changing my life. I know you’ll pick the perfect time to put us together, I trust You! More than anyone in this world.