Life is so lonely

First off, thank you to several of you for asking me to keep writing,even through tragedy. I am really struggling with real life right now, and when I try to find the words,I’m at a complete loss. You’re going to hear about my REAL life, as a slave, going thru tragedy. 
As you are aware of, we lost our little girl about 2 months ago. Everyone can agree that if you don’t pull together, you pull apart thru something so awful. We are definitely trying to pull everyone together. We have four other kids, so it was very important to us to keep our family in tact, but then the unthinkable happened… My Master taken into custody since just one detective felt maybe that my Master should be held accountable for this accident. Are you kidding me? With proof it was an accident, they took him away, put him in jail. Anyone who has heard what has happened can’t believe that they did this. It was an accident, I’m not allowed to talk about the details of this case. Omg, it’s a case. My body and mind are numb. I’m a slave with my Master locked up. I am now unprepared on how to handle everything on my own. I have two jobs now to pay our bills, and I had to pick the important ones. I can only see my Master on a video call, we can’t see each other in real life. We haven’t touched, kissed, held hands, been intimate since that day. We weren’t given a moment to figure out how I’m supposed to do all of this on my own. 

How has it all been… Well as His slave, I’m lost. I have no real way to serve Him. So I do all I can. We still try to keep the lifestyle first and foremost, but I had to call Him something besides Daddy or Sir since everything is recorded and we don’t want anyone in our business. So calling babe, sweetheart, my love was approved really fast. 

Once bail was set we contacted our family and very close friends, we were pretty sure someone would help him, get him home so we still had an income and most importantly, our other kids needed him as much as I do. Much to our surprise, no one stepped up. It’s a secure bail. That means they could put up their home, they know he won’t hurt their trust and just run. He needs to get back to work and us save since it could be very real jail time for him. They now know it’s an accident, but feel he should be held responsible. We have come to the point that we must face that he may have some time behind bars. My Master is still his wonderful self, he’s making friends, he gives me info on how to help others inside. As His slave I gladly help. I found a way to serve! Be of use. My Master tells everyone that I’m the perfect ‘girlfriend’! He’s still the perfect Master. 

Our love for each other didn’t change at all. Our love for our kids hasn’t changed. I just now look at the kids when misbehaving, instead of saying “when your dad comes home” it’s now ” there’s a video call tonight, wait til then to talk to your dad”. It was an adjustment. My Master feels like a caged animal that I must be in charge of it all. I’ve never had to do that before. I’m tired more of the time, I’m stressed, a bit depressed. We are down to one car and that one is having a few problems. I am wanting,with my whole heart, to win the lottery get Him out, and go back to being the slave who’s NOT in charge. I’ve yet to just stop and try to process, I refuse to think about it. I lean on my friends and cry very little. I just stuff it. My friends point out that wasn’t this way before. Of course not, I had a Master who knows my every mood, still does. Only this isn’t about me. It’s about our child. It’s about my Master, our head of our home. 

One of the hardest things is, in our lifestyle we don’t prepare the submissive for something of this magnitude. Why not? Because we actually don’t think it will happen to us, that’s a normal response. I am actually trying my hardest to find my bearings. I may be going through this for a bit. His court date is set for March, it doesn’t look like he has a way out to come home and help out our family financially. I’m angry with that thought, there is no one else doing anything,but me. 

Good things that are happening… Believe it or not, there is some! We, our family, have remained close. I have told the kids to tell me when they need me to spend extra time with them. Each of our kids have spent extra time with me, whether it’s just to talk about their dad or ask me to pay for an extra video call to talk to their dad ,alone. There are less tears, that first month was just the hardest. I couldn’t fall apart, the kids looked to me. I wanted to give them confidence that I can do this. Our kids and the few friends who have remained by my side tell me how easy I make this look! The kids know that Mom and Dad are still very much in love and very much on the same page. Our kids have seen us pull together and have an attitude of ‘ this won’t break us’. I can tell our family is healing, we find ways to keep our lost daughter a part of our lives. My Master and I laugh and cry together. He’s a beautiful soul, always has been. I’m faithfully by His side, no matter how tough. And believe me that statement is saying a lot. 

There were no date nights, we will do a special video together and talk about where we would go, what we would be doing if we were out right now. He will tell me how proud He is of me. We both talk about all the reasons we love each other. It’s a different kind of date night! He will sing to me. We also do postcards, letters to each other. Our connection is still very much there. We have the kids and Master talking! All laughing at my phone screen! Tells me we are doing something right! This isn’t easy, it’s your worst nightmare. But we are happy people, and that part has been coming back out. My Master still runs this family. 

How does this slave cope: well the few friends that stuck by my side are females or gay. I get to snuggle with them , I get plenty of hugs, plenty of kisses. I need the closeness. I’m also a babygirl. My gay bff let’s me snuggle up next to him like I did my Master. My girls let me hug and kiss them. All are things I miss so much, but these are important things. My friends may not know just how much their closeness right now helps me. One of my friends knows I don’t eat, don’t sleep. She puts a pillow in her lap and she tells me to put my head on the pillow and one of us starts talking, getting it all out all the while she plays with my hair. I try hard not to fall asleep I want to enjoy my time with her, she knows once I’m out she reads, texts her Daddy, watches TV. She’s been moved up to family. I adore my friends, they will never know how much I love them. I couldn’t get through this without them. 

Recently my Master asked me a very important question! He asked if I’d marry Him when all this is done and over. 

Yes,Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes!!!!!!

We don’t do anything traditionally! We even had to pick out a ring in a much different way. We did a video call and the kids helped me pick it. It was a cheaper ring, more of a place holder til He’s home and can pick the ring! It’s more for me I think, so I know I’m completely His. Even though I don’t go to sleep with Him , I don’t wake up with Him. I don’t text Him thru the day. We have calls as He can. I schedule video calls, we do write! We know this isn’t going to be easy, but it’s completely doable. I will need my friends, oops I mean family! I will need our kids! I could use a better job cuz I’m exhausted for a lil bit of money. 

So, this is our life right now. It’s not pretty by any means. I wish I had more answers than questions. I’m hoping that everyone gets thru this easily. I’m hoping I can find a Pro Bono lawyer to take His case. I may need to keep writing, as I can, just in case there are more submissives going thru the same thing. 

Yes, I’m looking at wedding ideas! Yes, I’m happy in some areas which sounds crazy since there is so much heartache. Yes, once He’s home I will gladly relenquish control over our lives right back to Him. Now I have a great reason to lose 20 lbs. I want to be in a beautiful dress! Life will always be great, I’m with my soulmate, my best friend, my Master, my Daddy, my confidant, my guide, He’s absolutely my everything! One thing stands true, even in the face of all this ugliness in our life , the pain, I’m still true to who I have always been. My feelings for our kids and my Master have not changed, are not lies. You will know that part of me didn’t change. 

I miss our daughter, so much. I miss Him so much. I love our family! 

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Do I want these things?

As Daddy and I were recently talking ,He wondered if I wanted these things:

I’ll admit when I got married the first time I  didn’t get most of these things. No ring, no beautiful wedding, no honeymoon. But I also didn’t get married for love. Things with Daddy are much different, I took my time to make sure He is the person I really wanted in my life. I didn’t rush into anything. I do want a future with Him. Question is, do I really need all those things, or just exist peacefully under the same roof with the man I love and that would be enough?

I gotta say, I never saw myself getting married again. But the idea of marrying someone who loves me, wants me in their life for more than just sex is wonderful! We have tons in common. I want to serve Him. I love our family. We just fit together perfectly. It works so well without the ring,wedding, marriage now…

Ahh , but the romantic in my soul sees all the things I’ve never had and wants them! As long as He does! It would be nice to have something wonderful with Him, as long as He feels the same way!

So there’s your answer Daddy❤️

Do you know what suffering really is…

I do. Since my completely horrible life with my ex from hell. 2 separations. I was the dumbest woman in the world to go back. Even after dating my daughter’s father, not long, just long enough to feel I needed validation as a woman ,get knocked up, and it was over.

Moral of my story: be careful who you keep in your life, be even more careful with whom you choose to have children with.

The law has never been on my side. Not when I was an abused wife. Not when my children saw and heard so much. County that I live doesn’t believe in domestic violence, it’s a Christian area. They only believe I wasn’t a good wife. Nevermind his cheating,blaming, all the abuse, none of it mattered. Not even broken ribs, not with his handprints on my throat. 

Once I finally grew the balls to leave, I ran! I wanted freedom. But I didn’t know there would be casualties. I would pay dearly for those. My son would turn 18 in only so many years, and then I would get guardianship, and I did. He’s special needs. But the one that broke my heart, was my daughter. 

See, my ex promised to give me my kid. But in the state where I live all his underhanded bullshit got him the right to stay in my daughter’s life. He’s not not her biological father, he’s a different man and in her life. But the law in AZ let this asshole have time with my daughter. He helped raise her. Since no Police Dept would ever make any statements about domestic violence, all I had in court was my word. The judge wouldn’t even listen to the children, as his lawyer said I’d messed with their minds and turned them against him. None of it true. The kids hated him for all the reasons I left for. 

I thought with divorce I’d be free. I wasn’t. I was legally tied to this man forever. My daughter will turn 18 and finally get to go do her life away from him. She’s seen me fight my ass off in court to get her. My war brought new prisoners of war. There will be no treaty for release. He refuses to let her go only to hurt me. 

Every week it kills me just a little at a time. I want to drink but I fear I won’t stop this time. What kind of life is that.

I try not to remind myself that it’s a man’s world, they all get what they want/desire. My ex wants me broken. I am, deep inside where my heart weeps for all that we’ve gone through. I’ve sat in the aftermath once the dust settled. I lost the war. I have my daughter,sort of. To have to hold her while she cries. 

After divorce I thought about going back, not for love, to keep her safe. I wasn’t sure I’d be alive long enough to protect her, I was right. My ex had put a hit on my life. Still no jail time. Still all the same suffering. It sure is a man’s god damned world. And you can all have it, I only want one thing , my daughter. 

Yesterday, I picked up my son . He’s  in his 20’s now.  Even Special needs I want him to go far in life. The man in my life has helped me push my son. I see a future for him.

Yesterday, I wanted to see my daughter,give her a kiss and hug before I left. I was denied that. She looked at me, I looked at her thru the glass of his truck, both of us with tears as he and his friend drove off with MY DAUGHTER. She put her head down, never answered any of my texts . I stopped sending them after midnight.

I want to yell, scream, hurt him as he’s been killing me but that only gives him purpose. I text her that I love her. I will continue to fight for her til my dying breath, or she turns 18, whichever comes first. 

I have not ever hated on a level like this in my life. I refuse to talk to god, if you love ppl so much then give me my daughter. It’s been 4 years, we have two to go. I hate him, I hate him with every breath I take , I hate his smug look as he drives off with her week after week. I hate the law. I hate courts. I hate lawyers. I hate , I hate ,I just hate…

If you know my pain, then you get it. If you are like my asshole ex holding a kid hostage just to make more pain, go fuck yourself. You deserve a slow painful death. I’d spit on you and your grave. You aren’t fit to call yourself a person. You are human waste.

Now my other side. I look in the mirror, put make up on , go to work. I have a nice life, great kids, a loving boyfriend. I love my friends. I cook, clean, do laundry. I look just like you. I shop, eat, swim, read, write. But no one knows my secret. 

I am a hater. I have no regrets hating you so much. I hate you much that if you were crawling across the hot desert dying of thirst, and I had the last glass of water, I’d pour it out in front of you. Not one drop for you. Why? Cuz you deserve that. 

I’ve asked myself will I ever get over this. No, it’s been to much damage you’ve caused you self centered prick. 

After an accident in 2012, it changed me. I can no longer hold anger or hate for very long. Within hours I’m happy again. I think I’m broken, my kids say it’s great cuz I was the angriest human alive. Mainly because I can’t get one day back. I went back, twice. I didn’t fight back hard enough. I’m a loser, do I have my daughter? No.  I even pay other ppl to take her to my ex cause I work and I don’t want to see my ex. But she has to. Try living with that everyday. Just to keep focused on my hate I have to write it down before my memory tears thru the hate and I’m happy again. I hate my brain. I want to stay angry.

When the man I love says I’m beautiful, I see a monster who hates. When he says I’m a great mom, I try to be, but explain that to my daughter who put all her trust in me and I failed and she nearly took her own life. When the man I love wants a life with me, I wonder why, I’m broken. Do I really have anything to give? My love. But is that enough. Will He one day just wake up and realize I was the wrong woman. Now I don’t get that time back either. Can I handle marriage? He’s brought it up. I don’t always see the pint of marriage, maybe one day I will see value in me, as He does. My friends and my kids say to let Him save me from myself. How do I do that? They are glad I’m still with Him after nearly 2yrs. But stuff in His personal life feels like it’s pushing me very hard. My friends and kids say to hang on tight, this is the guy for my forever. That He can put me back together, He will love me no matter what. That we belong together. I felt it already. But thanks for the pep talk. 

All I see is a shell of a person. I’m trying to survive my own apocalypse. I’m drained of life most days. I can’t handle the thought of, will someone try to hurt me again. You made me your safe place. That is so foreign to me. I can’t be, I’m toxic and full of hate. 

Now you know what suffering is.

I didn’t believe in happy endings

As I’m telling my bff all about my week, I decide it’s to negative, I need to put out some positive vibes and now. I hate it when ppl are only negative with me, now I’m doing that to myself, no no no.

The positive stuff was great things going on. Kids are doing great, except a few are sick, no big. Our littlest one did fall and hit her head, she’s gonna be fine! So happy. I’m getting some job offers! But when my bff asked how Daddy and I are doing, I stopped dead in my tracks. I get quiet. Tears well up in my eyes, my voice is shaky. She starts thinking the worst. I smile at her thru my tears that are just ready to fall down my cheeks.

She demands an answer from me, I’m overwhelmed and choke on the words. I start again, “He believes in me”. She smiles back at me, hugs me. I say, ” there’s tons to tell you!”  I have never been treated like that before, not in my life. I’m not sure I deserve it. But He’s talking about big things, scary things like meeting His family, that’s huge to me. He’s reminded me a lot ‘we’ will get thru all of this together. He keeps asking me what’s wrong. Well I’m scared to death of how things in my life are going ,but He’s been right by my side this whole time. He’s not wavered. He’s been my Master, my Daddy, my best friend, and my soulmate. He’s been strong for me. He’s been my rock, my shoulder to cry on even as He’s been guiding us all. He’s been in control, so much so that I haven’t wanted to drink all the alcohol in the world. Him having that power has been so freeing and wonderful for me. I have such deep respect. I’ve spent much time right now in babygirl mode, He’s allowed it! The slave in me is there, but the woman in me is struggling to find the courage one more time to get shit done. I’m trying to stay motivated. I’m trying to keep my eyes on Him.”

There was so much more to say, but trying to find the words to describe Him, nearly impossible. If I can’t tell Him how I feel, how will He know? Does He truly understand that my love for Him drives me each day? Probably not. Or that I’m trying not to count the minutes til He and I get to wake up to each other each morning! I can hardly wait, it feels more tangible then ever now. 

It’s been a long wait , but it was worth every second. We know each other so well. I know what He wants/needs without any words. He’s the same way with me. I’m the luckiest babygirl in the world. I have the love of the most amazing man ever. I get to spend the rest of my life with Him. One day I get to take His name even if it’s only 2 letters off from mine,lol. Plan a life with Him! My god I love this man. I’m so thankful He loves me beyond words too. That He even wants the job of taking care of me and all the kiddos. Believe men like Him don’t come along everyday. I’m looking forward to our future! 

I always thought Disney got it all wrong, that there were  no happy endings, but I found mine, or He found me???

Daddy’s babygirl
Hope you all had wonderful holidays!! Now it’s a new year, with new hope. 

Problems? We ain’t got no stinkin problems.

Today is about problems within your bdsm relationship and how we deal with them. My girlfriend’s each have a different area of their lives that is challenging right now. That’s reality. Even those crazy vanilla people have problems to. But within bdsm we are supposed to be more connected, deepen our communication, make the Dom, or sub more important so we can avoid problems.

Funny thing, no matter what, life hands you lemons. It’s what you do with them that counts. OK, so vetting is one thing, and in bdsm we definitely encourage it. Take the time to see if this is the person for you. Can you be in charge of this sub/slave? Can you submit to this Dom? These are great questions, but many only see the sex side, and forget that a real relationship is forming. Put sex aside, if you can’t ,at least in your mind so you can be real with yourself. Do you really belong with this person? My true thoughts here : is that you will need 3-6months to truly answer that question. No one can hide their true self forever, and don’t lie to yourself. Some of you knew it was wrong from the start(anyone can tell, you’re in denial). 

I know in the wonderful world of bdsm, it’s damn hard to wait for “the one”. But I’m gonna say it! Yep, it’s so worth it! My Daddy is “the one”. A bit of advice, you CAN find ‘ the one’ , and still fuck it up. So take your time. If you’re planning long term, then taking your time just makes sense. I’ve trained subs/slaves for a long time. The hardest part was telling them everything I’m writing here, to have it fall on deaf ears. They would be collared in weeks, maybe a month. Yes, I have a problem with that. It’s the equivalent to an engagement ring, would you get engaged after weeks with someone, I’m hoping the answer is no. These same women come crying to me pretty fast, that it didn’t work out and I trained them wrong. Nope, I’m not responsible for your victim shit.

What went wrong so fast? Well, do you really know each other. Did you accept that person and all their baggage? If you want any relationship, you must realize we ALL have baggage. Unless your Dom/sub has been on a deserted island for many years , highly unlikely, then we all come with baggage. For the relationship to work, you must be comfortable enough to unpack that baggage, and both sort it all out. First, get past the honeymoon phase, usually 3-6 months. If you can get to that point and you still respect each other, the passion is alive and burning, you have a chance.

This is no ordinary relationship. If you have or are a Dom, you’re in charge of this crazy train. Hopefully you’ve weighed it all and feel you want the sub before you, her baggage too. As his/her Dom you will require him/her unpack and start moving on from the past. Set her up to be the best she can be. The Dom sets the tone , rules, structure, boundaries within this relationship. So it’s up to the Dom to present to you have He/She wants the relationship. Yeah subbies, you might get many choices, or any at all.  If He is kind ,He will want to know your thoughts on how you feel. He still has final say. My own Daddy will ask for my real thoughts, so if I’m questioning anything, confused, or feel I’m not wanting something in my life well ,we talk. I usually ask for time to think, He has granted that each time, He knows I’m a thinker. He knows when I’m ready I will ask to talk soon. I always know He is listening to me. I also know His word is final say. If at any point I can no longer serve Him, I’m free to walk away, but He would rather I communicate first. Since I suck at communication I do try my best to respectfully say what I need to say, in hopes that He’s listening and can guide me if I’m not correct in how I see things,Which is my turn to listen. We aren’t perfect, but we’ve come a long way!

As the sub, remember you serve. Can you serve on your good days and bad days too. There is no difference to the Dom in your life. He will want to know why you’re not yourself, Dom/sub, we are all human, but you still serve Him. I can only think of a few times you’d be excused from serving, at least for a bit. 

1. You died, jk. A family/friend died

2. You had a baby

3. You’re sick as a dog

4. There could be a few more, but nothing comes to mind.

Can a sub really deal with serving even when it feels the world is against you. Because that’s what you’re signing up for. I get to hear subs complain, “He treats me like I’m His indentured servant”. My first thought , ‘ I’m not surprised’, but you are,why? We made it clear what a submissive is/does. If you romanticized it, or thought it wasn’t really like that, who’s problem is that?

In the lifestyle, we have vanilla times/ moments. But we are still fully lifestyle. Even after my surgery, my Master wanted to know how I was doing, when would I be myself again. Was He being selfish,No,I am His. We are not vanilla, although while I healed we had some vanilla moments. His actions before/ after surgery showed me how much He loves me, His property. And I was focused on getting better quickly, I love to serve, it gives me purpose. I am happy when I can do for Him. He can count on me. Are we perfect, not by a long shot, but we are very good together, we balance each other very well. And after all this time together, that’s promising. We couldn’t fake it this long, OK a complete psycho could, but we are normal kinky ppl.

When I hear issues from friends, my first thought is, ‘ go talk to your dominant’. I do listen, but I will want you to do the work that our lifestyle requires. ‘ is this the real problem?’ , ‘ is there something underlying going on instead?’ ‘what is your struggle really about?’. I don’t like excuses, I like working on it. I like to think first, especially in my own life. I ask myself if this is why I’m really upset. Think it through. 

I do like the concept of living together first before anything to permanent. Do you really belong together? Where do squeeze the toothpaste from? Do you talk or fight? Can you clean up after your dominant day after day? ( Even after a hard day at work). How will you balance Dom/work/kids? ( Or is calgon just gonna take you away each night). It’s hard to get upset with your dominant when you signed up for this life. You knew what you were getting into, now you’re trying to act like a victim. Nope. Can you imagine if you got married to quickly? You would have to stick it out, or go get divorced, but there were answers right before your eyes, you ignored them. 

I guess you lied to yourself. You lied to your SO. You don’t have follow thru, or you watched 50 shades. Sorry subbies not every Dom is a millionaire, or gonna let you call the shots. You really will be serving Him, cleaning/dusting/vacuuming/ doing laundry/dishes/cooking/ entertaining/ raising kids , in His castle. 

In our lifestyle it’s not up for debate, it’s not a democracy, it’s the Dom’s way or no way. Now hopefully you took your time and got the right Dom for you. Not a fake or phony. Someone looking for a victim, or  He’s an abuser. This is your life, plan it well. Keep in mind, we all have our way of doing things, we all have problems. In the lifestyle we should be working on those problems, and any that come up in the relationship. How you communicate and work things out, should tell you a lot. Will you and your dominant last a long time? I hope you can honestly say yes. 

Problems will show up from time to time. It’s how you and your dominant tackle them together that counts. Just keep in mind, no one is perfect. But two ppl who want the same things, grow together, listen, and find their balance in our lifestyle have a great chance at succeeding. 

Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah ( Starts tonight!).

– His babygirl

Terrified of love

I have really given this a lot of thought. I am terrified, but why? For starters, I hate the thought that anything could happen to Him, and I could be alone. Things that go thru my mind: could He ever fall in love with His ex again, I’ve seen it many times that a person will go back , and not necessarily for love but for the kids. I have even had a few ask me to wait til there kids were 18 , nope. You do what you need to do, no hard feelings from me, but I won’t be waiting in the wings. 

I’m afraid He could be in another horrible accident, and well you know… That is a scary thought, He’s wrecked on his motorcycle before. I refuse to be like women I know; “if you love me/our family then you won’t ride”. Nope, that’s not me either. I don’t want Him to stop being Him, reason I fell in love with Him! Everyone has an expiration date, I can only hope we get 50 yrs together!

I worry about not being enough. What if someone hotter, skinnier gets His attention? Ok, I ‘was’ afraid of this, but something in me changed one day.i don’t want an actual open relationship, but I do like threesomes. I have some boundaries that no bitch should cross, but other than that I’m good. How did the other change? Well, I feel that if some girl can actually take His mind off me, what we have together, then it was never meant to be. Cheating is a choice. 

Let’s say, everything is perfect. He only wants me, dreams about me. Wants a life and a future together. Have some threesomes, but i am the woman at His side, loving Him, taking care of Him. He is my world. Maybe married someday, now how do I feel…scared. What if I’m not enough. What if I the biggest regret to Him. Has He really seen every side of me to make such a choice. What if at some point i can’t fulfill my duties as His slave/babygirl. What if I just need a break from the lifestyle? I do that from time to time. I put it in a pretty box, on a shelf, in my mind. I always come back to it. but what ifs are on my mind lately. He keeps saying little things,” when we live together…” I get it, it’s soon. I don’t ask what soon means, not because I’m not curious, or don’t care, not looking forward to this. I am! I want everything with Him. I just do more ‘what ifs’.

What if He hates how I decorate our home.

What if I can’t really cook, and my kids just lied and said it was good all these years cuz they were hungry.

What if I lose my looks as I age, will He still want me

What if His friends, family, or His club doesn’t like me

What if His kids don’t bond with me, like mine have with Him.

What if we fight and argue, I’m not big on that, so I know it would damage me

What if He wants to change me, will it be good for me, or will I resent Him

What if He ever cheats on me, it would kill me. I’ve been cheated on by former men in my life, it stung. But He would kill me, He’s my first real love of my life. He holds the key to my heart, the knife too. 

I deserve to be loved, past men and exes taught me that I was nothing, get used to being cheated on. There was nothing special or wonderful about me. I am nothing but a place to put a cock in where a guy wants. But my Daddy changed all that. He gave me value, worth, a crown. As I’m seated on the right of my King. I don’t always feel noble, I’m still a slut with no real worth in my head. But He makes it all wonderful since He doesn’t say or do things that change that. There really is no one else in this world who gets me, like He does. Has taken the time to talk to me, listen to me, as He does. He gives me the most beautiful gifts, I am not sure I’ve done anything to deserve them, but I love them. He’s the greatest man to me, in my heart. There is none other that could ever do what He’s done, He’s done the impossible, made me learn to love myself. I’m not conceited,but I can now look in the mirror and see some value. I feel love coming from Him, I feel it all around me. When I think of all He’s done for me, my kids, I feel so small in this life. I don’t think I can match what He’s done. I will always try, He deserves me to give my best. 

What if my best isn’t good enough, He’s still here. So maybe He sees my heart and can feel how much I love Him, care about Him, think about Him, miss Him, pray for Him. He really is my everything!

– His babygirl

My Master, the most wonderful man ever

My Master/Daddy really is the most wonderful man. Tonight we had dinner together, I try to listen but He’s sexy as hell, I really wanted to just throw the food on the floor and fuck His brains out. I didn’t. I’m trying to be more ladylike, which is what He had wanted. 

I figured while I’m in pain right now, I should take the opportunity to show restraint, be kind , do as He says. I’m hurting so much I don’t think there’s much brat in me right now. I’m not in a very slave place, my mind wants to be, but my body is in pain and so worn out. I’m really am giving it my best.

Tonight, my Master let me know how proud He is of me. I was bewildered, just lost. How on earth could He be proud of me? I’ve done nothing worthy of Him being proud. I did listen to Him. He explained why He’s proud of me. To be honest, I really needed to know. I have felt like such a failure lately, not being able to take care of my Master like I usually do. He’s everything to me. 

I am trying to not feel sorry for myself. I know I won’t feel like this forever. I will soon be back to my slave self. I’m so thankful I have such a great Master. He’s been here for me the whole time, by my side. That’s a first for anyone in my life, besides my kids and my girls. He’s surprised me so much through this. Each time anyone asks how things are going right now, I get teary while I’m talking about Him. He’s one in a million. Its such an honor to be His💞 I’m the luckiest babygirl in the world! 
Thank you Daddy, you are the most precious Master. 

– your kitten Sir