Vanilla is just a flavor of ice cream!

For months Daddy let me off the bdsm hook so to say, gave me space as my pain got worse, I couldn’t have sex, and we both waited for my surgery.

After surgery we had to wait for me to heal, I’m a horrible patient. He was not happy with me. But He didn’t spank me out of fear I’d get hurt, but He didn’t put me on task either. He let me be me. 

I got back to work as soon I could. My body was still trying to heal and now do my normal life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… But something was amiss.

I had wracked my brain trying to figure it out. Daddy and I were good, but our connection was lacking. I wondered if we were near an end for us, I didn’t want that. We have put in almost 2 years together, we have amazing sex. We can talk about anything. He’s my best friend, my Master, my Daddy, my protector, my everything. But what’s going on?

I knew I was arguing about the same thing over and over. It’s a sore spot for me, I don’t see anything change so I figure I should accept the inevitable. I’m gonna lose Him. I’m a strong believer on working things out, trying it all before you call it a day, but I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I’m still a bit lost.

Then He did something out of the blue. He told me off. I was shocked that He did that. A little surprised too. But inside jumping for joy! He figured it out. He’s the one in charge, not me. I still haven’t asked Him if He felt the same way, cuz it came on Him right out of the blue. He told me my rules again. I’m thinking to myself, ‘ oh yeah, I have left most behind’. Not good. He let me know I will obey them as I have always been expected to do. I said, ‘Yes Sir’. As I know how to answer Him properly, but I was getting the message.

I hadn’t asked to do anything in months, I just went and did it. In all fairness even in lifestyle stuff there are some situations I can’t wait for His answer I must go, but a text will be sent and an explanation of why I couldn’t ask. It will be up to Him to decide if He feels it was good enough to let it go or will it be my ass when I see Him. He’s always been a fair Master. A very good Master.

With kids around us and We don’t get lots of time together,it’s much harder to be naked and waiting in slave position for His inspection of His property.  Only He will let me know how I shall please Him in all ways. 

I started doing what’s expected of me again. I ask for everything regardless of what it is. A few of my friends were not so happy that I had to go back to waiting for His response instead just go do what I want. But I was smiling. I knew exactly what had been missing now. His direction over our lives. We both slipped into vanilla quite comfortably and once the smoke cleared from all the issues we had with my health, bdsm was left at the wayside, in many ways.

He cares! I keep getting teary again. I now know the reason I’ve felt so lost, He was not what I was keeping my eyes on. I was just doing life. I’m good at it. But  I need bdsm, I crave the rules, structure. It shows me how much He cares. How much He loves me. Even us kinky ppl can lose our way too. 

I want to ask Him what happened? Did it just hit Him that we fell out of our roles in the lifestyle? When did He figure it out? Don’t get me wrong, we are a strong couple, we survived months of vanilla. But I wake up and I have my rules, and my structure back. I have my Master back. Oh fuck, I have plenty of bad shit coming my way, I might not survive for real. He is a great Master, a very good man, but He’s got the memory of an elephant, and I’m screwed. Which was the conversation recently. How will I start serving my sentence? Only He will answer that. He’s even prepared to take away my phone. My phone? I can’t survive without my phone. There was a time I could and did get thru life without my phone. But no phone? 

As I am most happy! My friends don’t understand, well a few do. The balance is back in my life. I am following my rules. I live by the structure He has set for me. I guess I will be asking to speak freely when I need to talk and not yelling anymore. Oh god, I have yelled at Him. He’s definitely coming for me. He’s definitely gonna make up for lost time. I’m sure He’s bdsm proofing our relationship. How not to fall back into vanilla ways. 

I feel so good, yet full of fear at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. Only He knows why. Only He knows the holy terror I’ve been. I can work in a vanilla world, raise our kids in a vanilla world, but I can’t remain in that vanilla world for to long. It changes me, and not in a good way. 

I love you Master. Thank you so much for getting us back on track. 


So what kind of life will we live?

If I know anything about my Master, its that He’s already prepared how He wants our lives to be. The art of any great Master is that to make a masterpiece, you must have put the hard work in first. Never expect it to be easy, things in this world just don’t work that way. My Master is no exception. When He wants something He’s already formed the thought, then He defines it til its what He wants, then Its put in to a process. Life with Him is never boring. We have been together nearly 2 yrs now, He can always manage to surprise me. Which is why I know He’s already got it in His thoughts how things will be. I just sit back and watch. You gotta love a strong dominant. Vanilla men, sorry you just don’t get it.

Does He expect the lil woman at home. Taking care of the house, meals, bills, kids, soccer mom, tending to His needs? Of course. Yet, He will be the strong presence in our home. He’s the head of the house. A certain respect will come with His position, as we all fall in line and we wait for His direction. If it needs to change, that’s all for Him to decide what/where/how.

Can the children fall in line. They will be expected to. To what extreme will He go if things are not His way, or His words fall on deaf ears. I do wonder about that, as my 2 youngest are good kids, but should they not want to do things Masters way how does that go? My kids have no where to go. Will my Master give them understanding and try to work with them, I do believe He will. He knows I want our lives to work out. He knows I trust Him. He knows this is what I want. But kids need to learn that He means business, I do think they will push this and test Him. They have fathers, none of which set rules,boundaries, or limits. So, I do foresee some head to head combat gonna happen. Not out of disrespect, but ‘does this man mean what He says?’ Kids expect rules and boundaries, without that they actually lose respect, same goes for our lifestyle. Any slave or sub will tell, if He sets rules but doesn’t reinforce, respect is lost. 

As our teen daughter has started to date, I gave Him full reign. Master used to be a teen boy so I  figure He will do just fine making rules for her. She seems to be taking those rules just fine. She’s not always happy, but then He’s not always happy with her. I like watching the 2 of them , He’s 2 steps ahead of her. She’s trying to be a teen and have her life. So far, His rules are very fair. 1. He must meet each guy. 2. She must dress modestly. 3. No boy is touch, kiss, hold , or think about her body. 4. The word is NO. Her first time she didn’t take His rules 100% seriously. She met dads wrath. She looked at me like to say,” Hey, are you gonna save me?”  I didn’t save her. I figured the best thing I could do for her is let her learn that I can’t be both mom and dad to her anymore. I relinquished control to Him. He’s doing great with her. The boys took longer to come around. They have a douche bag for a dad, once they saw how He was with her, they seemed to get closer to Him, trust Him more. 

I do know most of what He will expect of me, we live that way now. When He has His cut on, He’s all business. When He’s dad , He’s fun but strict. When He’s the guy with the job, He’s on task in His mind, serious side comes out. But when He’s Master, He’s fun and playful, romantic, knows what He wants, how He wants it! I’m His plaything. He takes care of what is His,still in control.

In our life, we are like a 1950’s household. He leads, He’s the head of our home. He has final say.  I am submissive, respectful to Him. I am the example to my children of how a mans to be treated. I do as I know He wants and allows. I ask for everything, He answers my requests. No, I’m not worried about being treated less than, He doesn’t do that to me. He treats me like His queen, in return He’s my King. I have no regrets. I do love the natural balance. I will not wear the pants in our family. I will not treat Him as ordinary. 

This life is not for everyone. I have friends who worry that I’m giving everything up. I’m giving up nothing, I’m having the life that I choose. No one forces me to serve Him, I do it from my heart, always will. I was never women’s lib. I think it destroyed the family, made divorce more rampant. You literally can’t turn on a tv now that nearly all commercials are about treating your man like he’s your other child. I do not agree with this, I think its part of the problem. I think families letting the woman run everything while the man sits back , is the other part.( rant over, or maybe ill blog about it).

Life gets better and better. He surprises me all the time. I know there will be more when we live together. I know I may come before Him with anything I struggle with or don’t understand, He will listen to my request and make a judgment call. This natural order works best for us. I refuse to be in charge, unless its the areas He places me in charge of. He still has final say.

How do I know this works? I have known plenty of people who live this way already, still in our lifestyle, raise their family. Go watch old shows, I love lucy, Andy griffith, leave it to beaver, these did show that ‘ natural order’. I do believe Lucy got spanked, more than once I might add. Lucy and I have lots in common. 

He’s biding His time while I heal. Waiting patiently for the Dr to release me back to our life! Then its on. I do cause trouble, but I’m cute at it! He’s not so easily put off by that. He’s got a list, and knowing Him He’s checked it twice to make sure every infraction is on it. He’s very thorough, lucky for me… Memory like a Damn elephant.

Pray for me, send happy thoughts, positive energy. Cause its coming. I can already see the eye of the storm. He never lays a hand on the kids, why me??? Lol, I know why!

– His babygirl

The way He loves me

Yes, another post about Him! How He loves me, but a little different. I personally feel that men in this world need their woman to actually give them a list of the things they do, so each man can see for himself that she really does notice Him and His efforts.  That each man know that His woman count herself blessed, be grateful, and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is loved, the family has a real leader.  

I’m at that point with Him now that we have talked recently about Him as the leader once we are together. Can the kids respect and appreciate Him? It all starts with me. Do I see Him as the leader? The head person over me, our family as it comes together?  I do. So my children will fall in line since they know that He is a real man, who can lead this family. My kids now know if they choose not to fall in line, they can go make arrangements with the other parent. I will always love and support them,  they will always be a part of my life, but I refuse to let my life be dictated to me, by my children. I’m allowed happiness too.

He has shown all of us what love really is. We had never seen love in action before, not from the head of household. When my son changed jobs recently , his own father didn’t support him. But my Daddy handed him a gift card and told him to go buy himself some tools. None of us know what to do with Daddy since we have never had anyone in our lives like him.

My daughter adores him, she has needed direction for a long time. I’ll admit I lost the war with this one, but not easily I didn’t want to give up, I haven’t totally. But Daddy sees where I could do better. He has seen my daughter at a very weak point, something shocked her enough to tears, Daddy tried to console her. The only thing my daughter has ever known is violence from my ex, my daughter actually saved my life one day. Then some days she will tell Daddy off, i want to yell at her, but Daddy stops me. He will let her talk,  she has stuff she needs to say and He just listens. He answers her back with such sweet words I don’t think she deserves, but he feels her pain that her dad and my ex have caused. This kid just wants a dad and she picked him. ‘Pops’ as she calls Him.  My daughter misplaces lots of things, her allowance has been on the list many times. We are all used to it. She let me know that He tried to give her a second allowance so I would not be mad at her any longer. I was glad She didn’t let Him bail her out, she did get quiet as she told me. She has never had anyone care about her besides me, her whole life( Her Whole 15 yr Life). He even bought her chopsticks cause she loves them, she eats everything with them from fruit, to burritos,  and more. The thought never crossed my mind to buy her good ones, I don’t know why. 

My middle son has brain damage from birth, autism, and about 16 other diagnoses. I have always been afraid that I’ll lose him, cuz I have already lost one child. I can’t handle the thought of losing another, but babying him hasn’t helped. Daddy did talk about this a few times with me. It’s not easy when it comes to this child. Especially since he’s almost died on 3 different occasions, well actually the other 2 kids have almost died on me as well. My daughter has Epilepsy and has been dead and I revived her. But my middle son I can’t let go of. I know Daddy sees this, I’m sure He has thoughts and ideas of how to help me. I will need all the help and guidance with this. 

How He loves me. He knows how much I’ve been hurt, physically, emotionally, spiritually by many. He’s a most patient man with me. He surprises me, the way He just knows when to push me hard, and when to handle me with kitt gloves. I’ve never been treated so well, or loved like this. This is a journey for all of us. 

The thought that races through my head, ‘ What did I do to deserve Him’. I don’t ever see the answer, so i just stay grateful. Why am I so excited to live with Him? Because I feel as if I’ve found my other half, my one true love! And I want to start my forever with Him, NOW! Wake up next to Him, some days I swear I’m just dreaming, life can’t really be this wonderful, can It? But reality hits, it’s really happening! We have plans!

I felt so high yesterday, high AF! My thoughts were so very clear. I love my life, learning to love myself , all because of Him♡


Let’s talk about the word ‘Daddy’ and it’s true meaning. 

What am I talking About? Well over the last few years bdsm has been growing in leaps and bounds. Some of the changes are good, some bad. If you are in the lifestyle for real then you are tired of the fakes, and wannabes. But let’s move on to cover the newest phenomenon, the role of a Daddy. Is this real or fake, is it a real name you say to Him or just a fun and dirty nickname. 

Let’s take a look at the vanilla side. It’s a cute nickname when you want your mans attention, to give him the go ahead to make a move. But it’s not a name you use out of the bedroom, in front of anyone. It’s all in fun. There’s nothing wrong with that!
But let’s take a deep look into a bdsm dynamic of a Daddy, see why this one is more real, it’s not a cute nickname, its actually a title of great respect. It’s about your male counterpart taking on the responsibility of being a very nurturing caregiver and disciplinarian to his female counterpart. He guides, gives rules/structure to her life. He’s in authority over her, much like bdsm Masters/doms, but with a twist! 

In this dynamic the Daddy will have a partner that is referred to as a little. While even the title of ‘little’ has had to grow and expand to cover the many facets of these childlike women. Some are baby-like, some toddlers, some young kid, pre teens, and teens. These women know themselves well enough to identify where the child in them identifies on this scale. I am more of a teenager. 

This is the point I need to stress that this is NOT role play for us. We actually so safe within our relationship with Daddy that we want to relinquish control to a real dominant, Daddy, and be able to be ourselves, our true personality. For us little, or middles this is not fake. It’s actually very freeing, we are always childlike, and will continue to be no matter how old we actually are. Being forced to be an adult in this world, now that feels forced and fake. 

We are smart, intelligent, strong, capable women. We can run a household, hold jobs, some of us are professionals in our field of choice. We are wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters. You can’t pick us out of a crowd, well most of the time! If Daddy and I are in public and I see hello kitty stuff I’m gonna be childlike! I talk like a teen. Act like a teen. Dress for Daddy like a teen. But I can turn it off to my life, take care of the kids, be there for Daddy. 

In this psychosexual dynamic, it’s most wonderful and healthy. There is trust, devotion, care, love , unconditional support from both partners. How will she learn to be her true babygirl self without you showing her it’s ok. But she returns that favor to show you it’s safe to be Daddy,  take care of her in all ways. 

How important is a Daddy?  Very.  He handles rewards, punishments, rules, structure, dress codes, curfews, bed times, how she eats, where she goes, who she’s allowed to be with, her training, timeouts, lectures, spankings, and more…

This dynamic is so new to bdsm that you can really personalise it how you need it to be. Masters/Doms Have been written about so much that we know what to expect from both dominat roles. But the Daddy role is just as dominant. Daddy can be as lenient or strict as He wants to be. It’s really up to the Daddy. He can best read you and what you really need/want. 

This is NOT role playing. The part that is , is the cute outfits, pigtails, socks, toys, diapers, binkies, blankies, stuffies, coloring books. This is part of your little but some of these can be just for fun, at times! While for others it’s all the time and always needing these things. See, completely up to You! That’s freeing! Finding the Daddy that meshes well with you and wants this responsibility,  priceless!

This is absolutely a real relationship. You can marry each other and still be in this dynamic. Date each other and do this dynamic. It’s emotionally and spiritually as close as you can get to another person. Enjoy. But do take it seriously, we do! 

Way more to it than just a cute nickname


A shared writing. From one of my fav fb groups. 

​10 Things a Dom Needs…

By The Dominant Gentleman
The following was written in response to some “10 Things Subs Need Doms to Know” – type writings. Shared with permission. I hope you enjoy it. You might want to share it with your own subby…

My own comments will be in bold lettering. To share my own thoughts and what moves me. I do think more of us submissive types should put more thought into our doms. For all the reasons listed. Furthermore,  as you read, you will be able to tell that this list weeds out true subs/slaves, from wannabes.  Even this new crop of submissives that have this sense of entitlement,  the lifestyle was never about, not in all my years of being involved in it. We all need to get back to basics, which starts here. I used to train and this was how I trained, for the most part.

1) Do what you’re told. Not just when you want to, not just when it’s easy, but every single time. If you’ve suddenly decided you’re a free agent that’s a conversation for negotiation in whatever format that takes in your dynamic. Until then, less talking, more obeying.

I’m guilty sometimes on this one. My Master gets busy, I have shit to do. So, asking for permission to get things done is very hard. Trying to be patient for the answer, even harder. I’ve tried just saying: “going here, going there, be back soon”. He’s not happy. As my Master I’m sure He has His reasons for being so strict. Only time it doesn’t apply is when I have an appointment,  but He needed to know way beforehand, unless an emergency,  then as soon as I can.
2) Keep your commitments. If me/you/we have decided on a certain protocol you’re expected to follow through. Nothing sucks the magic out of a D/s interaction faster than when BOTH people let protocols lapse and drift by the wayside. If you act like a part-time sub expect to be treated like one.

Asking for permission and talking out of turn (I did not ask to speak freely) I do notice when I ask to speak freely He has not refused me that request, but once. It also keeps my mind on, ‘this is my Master, my King, how would anyone treat royalty? * I’m not perfect, I do behave in human manners and get fiesty, yell, argue. I’m not perfect. I do have a temper. I can put up with a lot, that is until the storm is brewing, and pots about to boil under the surface. Beware once I’ve been pushed to my very limit. All around me feel that wrath, including my Master ( my only regret). Everyone argues and fights, sure. But I did sign up for this lifestyle and once I’ve gone to far, I am able to pinpoint that moment afterwards, then I’m very sorry. I don’t know how to stop it. But when I’m pissed I do need an outlet. I used to go shooting. That was relaxing, didn’t hurt anyone either. 

3) Try to be just a little less self-centered. The journey of submission is all about YOU, I get it. Truthfully all of us Doms get it, but there is an illusion here that needs to be maintained, and when every check-in boils down to how things are going for you and you don’t bother to ask, “How are you, are you satisfied, are you getting what you need out of me, how can I improve our shared experience?” It makes you look kinda shallow.

I will bring up my birth sign here, I’m a libra. We are not self centered, or selfish. We are givers. To much sometimes. I don’t think my Master must cater to me. I already see Him do His 100%,which makes me do mine, plus I want to add in extra. I feel a happy dom feels appreciated. Everyone wants to feel wanted, loved. I don’t mind at all showing Him how much He’s on my mind. I love Him, so my actions should speak volumes.  He should feel loved. Let Him know often that He makes you happy. Every dom needs reassurance, they are human.

4) Don’t compare yourself to other people. Whether you’re poly or monogamous, every time you look at another person and say: “I’ll bet he likes them more than me.” You’re essentially saying “I don’t trust you, I don’t trust us, I don’t really believe that you want me like you say you do.” We are with you for a reason. Not receiving the desire we feel for you is deeply insulting.

At first, this was definitely my mantra. I had been cheated on many times, but never cheated on them. I wouldn’t want anyone to feel that pain. My Master and I are sort of poly, but only for threesomes.  I have asked for His help finding females, which means He needs to talk to females. So how should I get mad, He’s doing what I asked,  helping us fund more females. Our first threesome did go badly cause of my headspace. I had no idea it would do that. He was very reassuring. (In the past doms I dated cheated with the person doing the threesome with us). We have been together long enough now to build trust. He’s put the time in to make sure I can see myself thru His eyes. I’m very thankful for that. 

5) Sacrifice. This is the deeper side of D/s, it’s where the givers separate themselves from the users. There is nothing that builds a connection faster than doing something unpleasant, when you don’t want to, without being asked, without seeking praise. It’s also very easy to take forgranted, which is why you should take your time and don’t give yourself to a Dom who’s a shithead.

Had my share of doing anything asked of me. Some things I find beneath me, degrading, or humiliating which makes it tougher for me. I’ve been there before only to actually be humiliated in front of others. But not with my current Master,  the love of my life. I found out stuff He liked and I gave myself time to build up in my head that I CAN do these things for my Master. Truth be told, now I can’t even figure out why those things were such a big deal to me. He was perfect. Didn’t treat me like crap for doing those things. In fact, changing my mind, and doing them FOR Him made us closer. I would really ask yourself  if there’s anything you can do that you’ve put off. 

6) Own your tantrums. You have feelings, deep intense feelings, if you didn’t you probably wouldn’t be a sub. I encourage you to learn to track when the kettle is about to boil so together we can point the steam in a safe direction. When you fuck up though, and I get a face full of hot water, and you say bad things, you need to accept that in the morning you’ll be held accountable for the things you said even if you didn’t really mean them. This can be a tough pill to swallow, which brings us to our next point:

This is true. I have a little bit of a temper, I try to keep things to myself, stuff them. Deal with it later. But my strategy might not be the best. I know He has plans for me after my most recent tantrum. Some things were valid, He let those go to the wayside.  He wanted me back on track. I don’t blow up often, but damn when I do…I could tell I needed someone stronger than me to guide me, but my downfall is not asking for help before I blow like mount vesuvius. 

7) Take it with grace. Ritual and submission are amazing tools to refocus the mind and deescalate emotions, but the collar is not a magic ring, YOU make the magic. You make it by catching yourself, by breathing into your rituals, by transforming frustration and stress into submission and present moment awareness. Each repetition is a form of emotional alchemy much in the same way that CBT thought-stopping is, (that’s Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, not Cock and Ball Torture, you perverts).

I like this point. And to be honest since I moved and I see Him more things have changed. But I’m not good with change. Some things shouldn’t change. Like to quiet my mind before He walks thru the door I value being on my knees before Him, even in front of others. But I like it private,  I like for Him to see I know whom I serve. He has had to make allowances. I just got home from work He’s already waiting for me, but inside I’m thinking, “I should be kneeled before Him”. I’m making dinner, helping the kids, hot and tired but the moment I see Him my whole body wants to kneel. Instinct for a slave. Even as I bring Him breakfast each morning. This gets very hard for me. I do use the ring He gave me as sort of a collar, I remind myself all day whom I belong to. I do have a few day collars that quiet the mind but they have locks,  not good for my job. I need to kneel. But I also used to enjoy Him requesting an outfit, pony tails, restraints, play collar, but with our lives being so busy He does not ask for that. Restraints, collars, kneeling keep my mind on Him. But we have to evolve with kids always around. Living together won’t solve it, we will have to figure out what works. But a slave that hardly kneels isn’t balanced before the Master. 

8) Help us to evolve. I’m talking about recognizing that every human being is a little bit lost in their own way, and the difference is that Doms don’t have someone constantly fixating on how to guide us into being better versions of ourselves. Deftly guiding power figures in the directions they need to go is the forte’ of the masterful submissive, and the difference between that and manipulation is that you always have the persons own interests at heart, even when they conflict with your own. It’s easy to love a Dom as an archetype or a caricature, but to evaluate a whole human being, and desire to kneel for them anyways is the deepest expression of love. You and I may have different toolboxes, but we are building the same house.

My point on the last one still holds true. My whole body wants to kneel. I need Him to know I desire that. Plz not in jeans my legs/knees/feet go numb, most unpleasant.  Recently  my Master had a delemma. He wanted to talk about it. I love that He values my opinion. I saw only one way to solve it. He let me I impressed Him. I didn’t do it to impress Him but that felt good too. We will have to wonder about the near future with something coming up. We must have a plan and know if anything happens I have the strength and knowhow to keep all things together. I do feel we have evolved as a couple, and M/s.

9) Stick around. Fact is, most subs vanish as soon as the honeymoon wears off. This phenomenon of women who beg for submission then pull the ripcord at 3-7 months once it’s no longer all about them makes Doms cynical, hard, and reluctant to engage, and further shrinks the pool of the few decent guys who can do this stuff well. I think a lot of this stems from the idea that Dominance is something that’s being done to you, and not with you. If you empower yourself as a co-creator of the dynamic, you’ll be able to make it last longer. I think it might also stem from the fact that a good chunk of lifestylers (both Dom and sub) are emotionally broken jackasses. Sorry, I’m a dick.

Here, some things I agree with some I dont. I do not, have never felt like leaving cuz the focus is off me. That is not the kind of person I am, being a libra we need to be fair, we’re driven by that. I will leave however if I feel anyone is cheating, or has something better to do. I should be on the list somewhere. I don’t need your whole life to be me/us. But don’t say you want that and then your actions say something else. My motto has always been, ‘I never stay where I’m not wanted’. I have had a few hurdles in my current relationship with my Master. Things I was not sure I could, or wanted to deal with. But keeping my mind on how much I love and care for Him helps me. He reminds me that the things I don’t like are not forever. That helps. It doesn’t have to be all about me, but I do need to know where it all stands. Am I safe here with you as my dominant. These are normal questions to ask. I don’t think you need to put yourself first, that is not a true submissive to me. We are supposed to serve.  Ask yourself, ‘can I serve this person as my dominant?’ ‘ can I respect this person as my dominant’.  Good point to remember is no one is perfect,  no relationship is either, everyone is a little dysfunctional.  What can you mentally, emotionally, physically do? 

10) Cut us some ‘effin slack for god sakes. Being a Dom is a LOT of work, it requires time, focus, and a wide open emotional bandwidth. It takes discipline to hold your ground when things are difficult, knowing that if you repair them with vanilla ‘bargaining’ tactics you will also dissolve the dynamic in the process. As a sub starts to see you as more human, it gets harder. When she/he gets to the “resistance” stage of the relationship, it gets harder. As real life starts to throw you curve balls, it gets harder. Aside from the emotional aspect of things, what it takes to keep things fresh and interesting is an aspect that is hard to appreciate until you’re the one in charge. The thing they don’t tell you about being a Dom is that even if you have the gravitas to make a girl melt, if you don’t have the creativity to constantly invent and reinvent new twists on a very old theme, you’re just a tall dark stranger standing there with your dick in your hand. Sometimes I think this is why geeks end up being better Doms than their smokey eyed, jackbooted, ‘true dom’ counterparts.

This goes back to what I said earlier. Dominants are human too. And as such they need to feel loved,  wanted, cherished, let them know how you feel. Yes, they doubt themselves. Sometimes you are not the easiest sub to deal with, they want to beat you cuz you gave them a lot of shit. Thank them for holding back. For treating you with love and care. For knowing how to deliver what you want. These are not easy things. If you think being a dominant is easy, think again. I have heard doms say they were a sub at one time to know how hard that role is. I can respect that. But have you the sub ever tried putting your feet in their shoes. You might want to beat you too. Especially those brats! The lifestyle is about respect,  not entitlement. You are entitled to live in this world, to pay taxes, to die at your appointed time, end of your entitlement. If you think your Dom wants to hear how entitled you feel, He may release you, plz don’t be surprised. Start really reading about the lifestyle,  what it was really about. Because if you identify as a sub/slave (the original titles)I never know where all the other shit came from, then you serve. That’s is, plain and simple.  If you feel a pout coming on as you read that ,it’s your problem. We serve, nothing more, nothing less. If He’s the right dominant for you, then serve Him well so He feels appreciated.  It will not go unnoticed.

The point here is that the big “D” takes more than you think and there are going to be days, even weeks when we’re not going to be able to pull it off. I can tell you from experience that nothing means more to a Dom than when you still keep your rituals even through the thin times. Holding that space shows your strength, and you can take tremendous pride in serving with poise where your vanilla counterpart might be nagging and whining. With your devotion you pull us back like a compass, beckoning towards whats’ truly important, this secret journey of trust and growth that we are both on together.

I most definitely agree with this last statement.  It is hard work.  My Master is a busy man, but rather than remind Him that I’m lonely, or wanting my way. I try to serve. Sometimes serving is just a small text so He knows I am thinking about Him. He does that for me. Bringing Him breakfast. Helping Him in small ways. Reminding Him, ‘I’ve got your back so the world can’t hurt you’. He does that for me. When He’s super tired let Him know you would rather He rest and see you soon. Of course I want to see Him, hold Him, kiss Him. But He has a plan for ‘our’ lives together. So backing Him up is what He needs. My Master is a biker as well, so I know His club depends on Him. I knew the strength ,on my part, it would take. Do I always love it? No, but He makes up for it later! We are still working together! We still communicate. He trusts ne, like I trust Him. I do have my bad days, so does He. For some reason mine are way more painful than

Take care of this person you call your dominant.  Feed them, water them, even after midnight! Do for them. Serve them. They know you aren’t perfect, but human. We do however, live a lifestyle within our real relationship, unlike vanillas. I felt like this was important to hit on since many subs in groups do not seem to understand these points.  Good luck on your submissive journey.  Plz don’t think I have all the answers, I dont. I just have lots of years here. I’m not happy with all the changes in the lifestyle.  It should get back to basics, not all this bullshit,all these new titles. 


Did I hear that right? Godly side of serving your man?

Women today leave the ‘obey’ part out of marriage vows. I was guilty, I didn’t love my ex and the thought of obeying someone I had no respect for seemed impossible,  it was. With Daddy ‘obey’ is something I’m expected to do or pay the consequences. Plus I respect Him. 

But for a moment I will be writing on a godly side of serving your man(husband/boyfriend). The article I found is about marriage, not living together. But I found it quite interesting that the one group of people in this world who are always putting our lifestyle down the most, Christians. You are so very guilty and supposed to be doing the very same things we do. So I’ll be touching on these points. I might even add in the scriptures that are given, so if anyone decides it’s wrong, you may pull that bible out and read it yourself. Yes, I’m being condescending,  but I find it delicious that all the time you put us down, you are supposed to be doing the same things. Can you say, hypocrit?

As this man of God puts it, feminism was the downfall here. It’s where it started for women to lose their place. To think of men as equals. Uh hello, he’s the head of the home. That’s in your bible. Women now speak out of turn, with no respect. Daughters watch mothers and then learn this. So, young females learn younger to treat men with disregard. You have wives shaming husbands in public and in private. Your daughters are watching. So are your boys. 

In a godly home the head, or father figure should be setting the mold for how men are to be treated in his home. His wife should follow his example completely,  then the children can see how to properly be in those roles. (Remember I didn’t write this article, churches have, all over the USA)

As you can tell I didn’t write the article, but I do indeed like hearing other points of view. I’m not godly, but I respect god. It’s a private thing. I do not live my life as a christian woman,  (marriage)maybe one day. But even without marriage I am following most of those headings that are so important.  The other side of this is that this practice of how women are to behave is as old as time. It was the original thought for a successful relationship,  but the godly world bashes us for following these principles. So where are we wrong? I will give you the marriage part. But other than that and we add in kinky sex, we are all pretty much the same. Not entirely,  we try to never judge Christians as harshly as they judge us. Granted I’ve expressed some strong feelings here, but I’m tired of being looked down upon for our lifestyle doing exactly as you’re supposed to do, and we do it willingly I might add.

Even in this article I’m still not trying to judge you. I am however, pointing out how much alike we truly are. I find it funny. Our lifestyle chooses to use your laws, principles to better our life and we are put down for it. Yet you ignore them and think yourself better. 

I didn’t write the bible, or the article. But I am sharing both. Go work on yourselves before putting others down.  I believe that’s in the scriptures to. ‘Do unto others’.  How about treating everyone with love. We try to, what’s your excuse?


Let’s talk poly – tics, everything poly

I don’t know your kink, but mine used to include poly,  I learned to hate it because ‘most’ don’t do it right.

Where to begin. If you think you’re poly,  or considering poly it’s quite important for you and your partner to define poly, what do each of you think it means? For poly to work, you MUST both be on the same page at all times. I have seen poly destroy more relationships than it helped. Don’t lie to yourself or your partner about what you ‘think’ you might be able to handle, now is the time for complete honesty.  With the right people, right structure, right boundaries it can go good. I have friends who live this way everyday. I have friends who don’t do straight up poly,  but only threesomes to make the relationship stronger, more fun.

How do ‘I’ define poly=  good place to start. Well first off, I’m all for threesomes, but I was always the ‘third’, I slipped in/ I slipped out. But threesomes is not ‘true’ poly. True poly is when 2 people are on the same page, have excellent communication skills, they deeply care about one another. In love with each other, but they found another, or others that they love too.  They have this connection like no other. They are comfortable with one another. They meet each others needs, but they both have a common desire to love more people. Poly is about relationships,  not one night stands. It’s saying to your hubby, boyfriend,  any significant other that I love you, I also love this other person and need them in my life as well. You may live with or marry the person who means the most to you, but then you have this whole other relationship going on. You will need balance, perfect structure and boundaries to live this way.  To keep more than one person happy. Poly is not swinging, just putting that out there. This is a touchy subject for most, I understand that. But to be fair most don’t even know what poly is. I have heard doms make the statement,  ‘i do poly cause I need more variety, different pussy all the time’, that’s not poly either, that’s you feeling entitled to fuck anything that comes along, which makes you pretty much an asshole. If you already feel this is your need, why on earth are you in a relationship?  You obviously should not be in one. Then bang all the pussy you want, but don’t hurt others, and don’t fucking cheat.  Be honest, say the words, ‘this is not working for me’. I could respect that, I’m sure most could ,after the sting wore off.

For poly to work properly, you need a clear definition of what it is, what it isnt. I have a bff ,she’s a slave and in position #1. She is fine with poly, as she knows what’s going on with her Master 24/7, nothing is kept from her. She can trust she is so important. Her needs are met, they talk all the time. He helped her to know she will always be #1, and as such she will know everything,  I mean everything. That is really how poly works. The one who is in your life is not the one to keep in the dark, not if you dare try poly, that person will be gone if trust is not deep enough. My friend is by his side, as his. He put structure in place so she knows 24/7 she can go to him and ask anything, except she has never had to ask. She already knows what’s going on in her home/relationship with her Master. This is beautiful to me. I love talking to her about it. As I have done poly, I have never had this. This would make me rethink my whole stance on it. But is it possible? Or are they the exception? She is allowed other men, as long as her Master approves of them. Which most definitely will include a conversation between both men. One will be in her life always, her Master. The other could change at any time. They both only have 1 other person each. Anymore and her Master felt it could distract him from her/her needs. They will marry one day, and still want to keep this going. I say,’ if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’. More power to them, they obviously found what works. But the respect, the care, the love, you can see it. She is secure. She might have another who shares her time, but her Master means more to her, and she means everything to him.

Most view poly as a way to a means. The thinking is something like, ‘ I really crave more sex so I’m thinking I can call myself poly and get that,  this thinking is quite destructive in poly. Poly is not about sex, it’s about a relationship, as I stated. You love a person, and you found this other person, or more , that you have a deep connection to and you need them in your life. You need time with them, develop that connection. Here is where it’s tricky,  don’t forget about your other connections/ relationships.  They ALL need time , they all need to be growing or what doesn’t get your attention will wither and die off. I doubt that was what you wanted, but it does happen most of the time. Newness of the other relationship(s) takes perfect balance. 

Sex is not the most important here. It’s what happens when the connection is real. In my past, I was doing poly, but I was only given 1 night a week with a past dom. It was not enough for me. He didn’t call to check up on my emotional state. There were no dates any longer, he had no idea where I was most of the time, but his house was now full of women. I’m the type of girl that I won’t try to get your time, I either have it or I dont.  I had many play partners because men wanted a deep connection, but in our poly house the only deep connection was to the one running the house. I was so unhappy. This Dom decided for me, so I left. I was second position in his house. I know my personality.  I need time with that person.  I want to feel special, loved, cared for. When that’s not present I move on. I won’t argue, I won’t fight for you, I just go. They don’t see it coming. My first thought is you must have known all the girls in your house have different levels of need, different personalities,  cater to that. I have never seen a successful house. I would remain friends with my sisters in the house,keep play partners but not get attached. All men I met wanted this same thing, but I watched it unravel. It was devastating to everyone involved but me, I saw it coming, and I decided I needed to put ‘me’ first and not push ‘me’ aside. Since the Dom of the house didnt. I have seen many in poly relationships cheat. This makes no sense, you’re poly. But they couldn’t get rid of lust, the need for more and more pussy. I hate to be the bearer of bad news. This is not poly. This is you have a problem. Female or male, if you don’t like commitment, then don’t so it. But if you constantly find a hot piece of ass that you need to tap, you might have some issues. I have friends who are girls who are like this. No thank you, they are to destructive. I won’t do threesomes with you either. You don’t worry about being clean, just fucking. No thought to anyone’s feelings but your own. Why am I friends with this person, oh yeah I’m not anymore.

What i have with my Master: Once I became the one ‘in’ the relationship during the threesomes i had to keep jealousy in check, as His slave i want His happiness above my own. It can always be better, relationships evolve,grow. Our first threesome was with my bff! I know strange choice, but I had trust with both. I also knew my Master was not her type, she’s not a slave, all these things helped even though I still went into sub space. I have never done poly with anyone I have a deep emotional connection to, guy/girl. Yes, I’m bi. But the older I get I don’t care about a female companion in my life as much. I want that male connection. As this was how much change I went through when I left the lifestyle for close to a year. Once I came back, I knew exactly what I wanted. I liked monogamy, but I still love to look at females! We’re beautiful,  soft, sexy, what’s not to like, but no relationships with females any longer, females are to much for me to handle. No thx

So where do I see myself with poly.  Funny you should ask. My Master recently brought it up. I shot it down, but maybe I was to hasty.  But then I know the destruction of the past. So I’ve been thinking,  and thinking some more. I’m a libra and I felt maybe this subject deserved more thought. I love my Master, but if He found someone He loves as much as He loves me, who am I to say to deny His feelings, cause Him resentment.i dont fall in love easily, my Master is my first love, i waited a very long time for that so i dont feel afraid it could happen again and then what. I know me. If we are to be together long term, maybe flexible is right for us. As I don’t think we have had enough time to talk about it. I also need security and to see how He defines this as well. I know for me, I see He may fall in love with another female or more. But what do I see for myself? I never gave it any more thought, til recently.  I like the idea of threesomes, maybe foursomes (Master and 3 girls!)My Master and I don’t get lots of time together. I would love more ,but this is not all about me. I long to go on trips, go places together, do more together, talk about everything be completely transparent. Not easy when you’re busy, we do our best.  He is not always able to be with me, so maybe us defining what we can do for each other/can’t do is a good thing. He is my only love. There won’t be another that holds His place in my heart . But the idea of having another man around who has more time to spend with me, not always about sex, is quite appealing after much thought. To be able to have more time with someone and not have them feel guilty that they cannot give more to you. I try my hardest to not show my Master just how much I crave more with Him. But  I must admit,  I would rather be the only person fulfilling my Masters needs, but if we could have what my friend has, now that is beautiful. That I could do in my life.

I don’t see myself in a house ever again. I don’t want anyone to take my Masters place, balance. I do need to feel close, my personality gets lonely, libra’s are a handful. I don’t know if marriage is what my Master and i want, we have not really spoken about it much, so I will not try to answer that here, our relationship is not ready for that anyway ,at this time. But I am thinking of the possibilities, we could both have what we want with each other, get what we need from each other, and possibly others.

Sounds like a talk could be coming. See how my Master really thinks about poly. How He feels this could work for us. There must be boundaries, structure, rules. But I think I was a bit hasty, I welcome this chat now. See if we can be on the same page, or was just an idea ,but we can see ourselves being together, but  also in love , or in like, with other people as well.

Hmm interesting.  keep in mind these are my views. But true poly can be beautiful. I have never experienced it, but I know many who have. Still with the person they started with, might or might not have others all the time. Some go through times of just them and their significant other for a bit. I’ve seen it all.

– babygirl