The long road ahead

As my bff has found the Dom of her dreams, things are heading full steam ahead. She’s now at the very crucial point, becoming fully His.

He is starting to break her. For those in our lifestyle you know what I’m talking about. Each Dom will shake is head in accordance, as they have each broken someone who means something to them. Each submissive smiles and has that moment of ‘ oh dear God , the pain. But it’s all worth it.

Was it really worth the pain? When it’s the right Dom, yes. I’ve known some that would help break any sub or slave, no relationship was needed. Just your time, and respect for the Dom. No sex involved. It was just to free her from all the pain of the past, set her free. Help her grow in each area of her life to be the best she can be. I’ve met fake Dom’s who took this breaking very wrong. Used the women for sex, no real training. I’ve been here a long time, even my first Master who helped train me to a point, knew it would not be sexual, never was. It was about protocol, rules, expectations, how to serve with your whole heart. Once he was done we were released. He let us know he’s gone as far as he was able, training would be accomplished by the one who picked us for their own. He was right. I learned plenty. I was happy, peaceful, young, and now searching for my other half of the puzzle. I now look at all exes as life showing me what I don’t want. If I think about this any other way, my self talk really goes badly, ‘ how could you be so stupid’, ‘ what were you thinking’, ‘ were you on drugs for that whole relationship’. Shit like this, unhealthy.

Granted I still have my good days, and my bad days. But most are good! I’m happier now that my Master has shown me how He wants me to serve Him. How to think, how to behave. He’s made room for my babygirl side, not much room for the brat in me. My friend did ask, ‘ how will I know when training is done?’ that’s a fair question, ‘ never’. As people we are always evolving and changing, He will know the way, so follow Him. 

When you’ve been single a long time, how do you just let someone take over your life? One step at a time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will you be. Believe me, she doesn’t always like my answers. Each sub or slave will have their own breakdown and rebuild, no two are alike. 

She is cautious if he will read her and know what she needs, doesn’t need. On this, I giggled alittle. They are born dominant, they think dominant, they sleep dominant, they react dominant in this world. We, however, are submissive so we can only understand our side of things. This is where trust will take you further. Just let go… Yes, easier said,than done. But we submissives all go through this fire.

Why must I be broken? Aren’t I fine the way I am? This gave her cause for concern, does he want a perfect woman and she is his willing victim. To the untrained eye it might appear this way. I had to find an analogy she could relate to. Her children and gardening. I started, ” if your child was full of unhappiness,sadness, pent up emotions, not living life to the fullest would you leave your child there? If any of your plants were not doing well would you let it die, or work on bringing it back?” Her response, ” I’m not heartless I would guide my child with love ,listen to them, help them thru, do what was necessary. The plant too”. I smiled at her, she looked puzzled.

Let me explain! He sees you not living at your full potential, pent up crap from the past, things that need to go. He will show you how to release it all. Then he will fill those empty spaces with things you actually need. And show you who you really are, the real YOU that you were meant to be before life happened to you. Plus, you’re his so you will learn how to please him. Think of his needs before he speaks of them. Put him first in all things. This is what Dom’s do, when he’s done you will be an amazing woman, the woman you were always meant to be. And since he’s the one doing the work, he reaps all the benefits. I can hardly wait to see you six months from now, a year from now. 

She wondered if this is what makes me love my Master more? Yes, it does. Plenty of men before Him saw my pain, and made more, whether intentional or not. He saw my worth, what I can become. Even the things He puts me in charge over in my life, He still watches those. He still pushes me, even out of my comfort zones. The only thing is I don’t fight near as much. I will occasionally ask if this one area can be untouched, the answer is usually, ”No, I expect it to be done, no more questioning me”. Believe me I know how to grit my teeth and bare it really well. But once I get through it I’m very happy, I grew again. 

My Master knows me like a book. He’s knows when to push, and when to leave something alone and maybe try it again at a later date. For instance, humiliation, my ex robbed me of all my emotions. My Master could hardly say anything to me that I didn’t take it like a personal hit to mean He must hate me as much as my ex. Years later, my Master can look at me and ask, ” who’s Daddy’s lil whore?” I’m smiling like an idiot! And my babygirl side is bouncy and giggling, ” me Daddy!!” I’ve changed so much. He, my Master, knows my past, knows me so well that with only words He could kill me if He wanted. A few times, in the heat of an argument, He has cut me and I’m bleeding out. Only He didn’t leave me like that, lifestyle or not, we are still only human. He has had to fix me up again, and send me on my way. I’m good again. But there’s a difference, what other men meant for harm, my Master had no intention of harming me and leaving. It’s fixable. 

The vanilla world knows nothing of this kind of thing. Vanilla women are not allowed to let vanilla men break them down and build them up again, but better. Most vanilla men wouldn’t know where to begin. This is where I have always felt like our lifestyle is far superior than our vanilla counterpart. We choose to be an open book, they hide their true feelings. 

If you are so unhappy in your own world that you cannot see the beauty in this breaking down do NOT mssg me, I will not be kind. I have seen tv and many about females letting men deconstruct you, or take your identity. The commercial that comes to mind is a woman being  led around by a man, she’s on a collar and leash. He leaves her outside a store, the commercial sees her the same as a common house pet. I see the beauty in the collar and leash. As you wouldn’t want your dog to go to far from you, safety reasons, how would you let your woman go to far from you? But this particular commercial is made by feminists movement, and infringes my rights. They do NOT decide for me, my Master will. He has only my good in mind. For those small minded people, you make me sick 

The road ahead is a long one for bff, reason being, does she have a submissive side that she’s denied for years? If there is her Dom will be bringing it out. She’s never been trained before so everything is a surprise. I’m trying to show her how to respectfully ask for clarification. She did however not listen to me, and he stopped his process once she questioned and then told him what she can’t handle. But then asked him to explain what he’s doing, after he already did. I was shaking my damn head. Yikes! If this had been me and my Master, let’s just say I’d be lucky to be alive. This is where my bff says, ” I will not be in fear of any man”.  Wanna bet?

I calmly say, ” I never said fear, I said reverence”. I did try to explain to stop fighting the process. She let me know that he’s aware of how far he can push her and things that are hard limits and will stay that way. Again, I’m shaking my damn head, and I’m thinking” just shut up”.  

I had to explain why when she starts telling him she’s doing her best, that he gets up and leaves. Always a hard one! I explained it’s several reasons. 1. He knows it’s not your best, but you’ll get there how he wants you to be, he must push to see what that is. 2. How submissive are you. 3. Only one of you will be in charge and he leaves to remind you he chooses to be in your life and feel the pain of his empty presence. 4. You need to stop talking, this is his job. 5. Once you said, Yes , you lost all rights, you’re his.

She did let me know that breaking hurt like a son of a bitch. ” You don’t say?” Was my come back! She’s not sure she can continue. I ask, ” do you love him? Do you trust him? If not, don’t go thru the fire for him. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s worth it”. We submissives know that ONE DAY when you look in the mirror, you finally see the person looking back. You wonder WTH is going on. Oh my god, he broke me. The only person you have to thank is him. The only person you want is him. You have value because of him. You now know all that pain was worth it! 

I gave her a hug as I left, I wished her the best. I hope she sticks with the breaking down, she needs it. She deserves to let go of all the crap from her past. She hugged me again, and said she was sorry for never paying attention to things I said. Or seeing the slave I am for my Master. She always thought the things I do to show my Master love and respect were mundane. Now she sees for herself! No apology was necessary, but I do get the added joy of when we go somewhere she MUST ask, and wait for the response. Paybacks a bitch! 

I’m still very thankful for my Master seeing potential in me. I don’t always see it. But I like me more now, than ever! All because of Him. Is His work done in me? Nope, it never ends. Thank you Daddy!


Confession is good for the soul, but not the ass 

I’m a babygirl, but I’m a brat too. I want lots of things in this great big world, but I really want my way! 

Wanting my way is not new to me. Getting my way, well that’s a whole other thing! Daddy is careful to find the balance between wanting and getting my way. Recently, Daddy has been very busy, He was not paying as much attention to this babygirl, I became very sad. 

Sad turned into bratty, turned into His lil monster. My first thought was He’s so busy ,and I was patient at first. The busier He got, the less of Him I got. I felt like even when I saw Him, i was only getting what was left. He seemed distracted. He was even on His phone more than usual. I did have Him physically, but He was a million miles away. At first, I tested my bratty theories, how much attention was He really paying me. All of a sudden I felt like I was right, we weren’t going anywhere together. If we spent time together it was in front of a tv., or Netflix and chill. I want more than sex, I love His company.

At first, I tiptoed around Him, Daddy is a beast. His growl is as bad as His bite. I started by saying snarky things when He was on His phone, such as; ” You wouldn’t be opposed to me having pop would you?” Daddy heard pop, which is something off limits. But what He didn’t hear was the whole question, the way I said it, NO was the answer I needed to get my way. This continued thru more things, I was trying to see if He heard me. He didn’t. He paid attention to what He thought I said, what He thought He heard. I knew I couldn’t do this at the wrong time. My Daddy, ladies and gentlemen, is a smart man, He’s always been 2 steps ahead of me, but I felt right now He had bit off more than He could chew. This wasn’t all the time for Him, cuz when I got His attention I really got it. I wasn’t doing this activity unless I felt it was fair, or justified. 

I knew also that I couldn’t keep it up long, I would lose respect for Him and myself. After a few things I’d try to tell Him before it got to big, but He was busy, I was about to tell Him one day but He had to go something came up, He asked if we could talk later, but it never happened. 

I was having a time getting pop, junk food. I got to go where I wanted, usually a movie, or a midnight run to fast food on weekends. I did shop, but then it hit me I would be hiding the stuff because Daddy is a smart man.  I knew if the ‘mouth from the south’ ( my daughter) knew anything or was with me ,Daddy would find out. I know this because I made the mistake of going to some stores with her and the moment she was in front of Him it was like she had diarrhea of the mouth. She was talking about where we went, what we bought. I tried to stop her, but He didn’t allow it. He looked most displeased.  I tightened my security, no more daughter, well at least not with me. I had Wednesdays if Daddy wasn’t around and every other weekend. I would give limited information on my whereabouts, be vague  ( I have some errands). I did have errands but i didnt hurry home, or just casually forget to say im home.

 I figured im not cheating, just doing things He wouldn’t approve of in a million years. The worst part is after seeing suicide squad 4 times, He was supposed to go with me, I really really wanted that shirt Harley Quinn was wearing, ‘Daddies lil Monster’. That was definitely me. I tried to buy it one day, figured id only wear it when Hes not around. But Daddy is not stupid by any means, He was just distracted. Plus if mouth from the south saw the shirt, Daddy would find out. The lady asked,” will that be all sweetie?”  I yelled at her, ” no, I can’t have it, He’s gonna find out.but I really want it, I even texted Him and asked for it, but do you think He would answer, no He hasn’t , He just ignored me again”. The lady looked at me like I lost my mind, but I really did want the shirt,  and I didn’t get it. But I was even more mad now cuz the busier He got ,the more it seemed He ignored me by not answering a small text. I would ask for pop, alcohol, junk food… no text, I felt I didn’t even matter. Could someone be that busy?

I went to my friends and said He won’t answer a text. They agreed that after all this time together a simple text would be nice, but that when Daddy was busy, He was busy. It was really nothing new. Ok, I get that. But I’m feeling very lonely, ignored, like maybe I don’t matter. You’re Daddy has always been one to be sporadic on weekends, that was His time. He would answer as He chose to. My friends asked if I asked to talk to Him, tell Him how I was feeling? No.i didn’t.  Oh yeah, you’re the one that doesn’t talk, you like pushing everyone away since you’ve been hurt so much. Was that true? Did I do That? Was I pushing Daddy away since I was feeling so bad? I needed to think about this. My friends told me to tell Him, I’m not good at being guilty, I suck at it. They said once I tell Him it will all be ok, I felt a certain peace about it, cuz a month of feeling guilty was to much for me.
There were a few weekends that I was all by myself, nothing to do. My girls were all busy. Daddy was doing fun and interesting things. There is nothing worse then this babygirl being alone with nothing to do. I did try to text Daddy,  but I waited and waited,  now I felt ignored. I drank my ass off, I played ,by myself of course,  but nonetheless it was without permission.  

The guilt was eating me alive.  I vowed one night to tell Him everything,  but then His phone rang, it was like a 30 minute call. By the time He was done I felt justified not saying a damn word. It was just me and my secret. 

The hardest part is that Daddy knows me well. ” what’s on your mind babygirl? You have that look you get”. A few times I did start crying, work and life had some big struggles for me. The lawyer over a part of my life was not going well. Work, if i did work, seemed like was not working everyday. That was stressful. I lost a lot of money all at one time. I was going to sleep at night, in tears, cuz I couldn’t figure out how it would all work. Daddy tried to console me, but my thought was ; ‘ you’re just going to kill me when you know everything,  I won’t have to deal with it all, I’ll be dead’.  My blood pressure was sky high from it all, worst thing was I wasn’t taking the meds. I hadn’t in months. I really enjoyed Him holding me at that moment, so it wasn’t a good time to tell. For me, I need to feel close to Him. Not constantly, but any disconnect scares me, I take it badly. 

Confession time. Daddy had things He wanted to talk about, I had no idea if He knew anything about my activity. I even had a dream that He put a tracker on my phone. Thankful it was just a dream. After we talked, guilt ran through my body, I wondered if this was the right time to tell Him? He was being so honest with me about something private. I decided to just listen. What I heard was Daddy had messed up to. But He knew I mattered to Him very much, thats why we were talking. To get back on track. I wanted that very much, but I knew we couldn’t get back on track until I told Him everything. It was already a trying day, so much to process, and I don’t process at lightning speed, but I was up very late trying to do that. It was very important. I thought we were supposed to see each other the next day. We didn’t. I did think about leaving it all in a text, run away from home. Live under an assumed name, change jobs. But those darn kids love Him, I do to!

Time to face the music. I was quite worried , how do you tell a beast , face to face, that I was mad at you and rather than ask to talk ( I’m not good at, but I have to now) I just decided to hurt you, cuz  I felt you hurt me. I had this brilliant speech all prepared, I think I even had charts. I knew tears wouldn’t be helpful, but some might fall cuz this is my Daddy.  I was going to let Him know that stuff He told me i felt on a scale of 1-10 , Daddys was like a 9, I felt justified that mine was more of a 6 or 7. 

Face to face changed everything. I’m that moment before I spoke,  I was thinking it would be great to be Charlie,  from Charlie’s angels,  I could speak thru a box from an undisclosed location. He was looking at me, waiting for me to speak, ready to listen. My brilliant speech left my head. All that came out was , “Daddy I’ve been doing lots of things, and you’ve been so busy you know none of it.” His face hardened a bit, but He kept talking and eating , He had this nice tone as He spoke,  which made me feel oddly peaceful, enough to tell Him everything. EVERYTHING. I told why I felt justified in doing this sort of activity. Now I felt our talk was going well. I was so surprised, and felt the weight of the world off my shoulders. I finally looked Him in the eye, uh oh, that look didn’t seem good. I sized up the situation, Could I make it to the door,  get through it, and out the front door before He could grab me? My fight or flight instincts were kicking in, maybe He saw me panic which was why when He started walking towards me the gap to getting out the door was closing in fast.  Before I knew it He was on me, one hand on me, the other on His belt. I was thinking well that is not fair. You mess up and no one spanked you. But I mess up and I get beat. A smile came across my face. I knew in that moment I was loved. He showed restraint, I’m alive! But I was smiling, not out of disrespect,  but out of love for Him. I respected Him more at that moment cuz He wasn’t about to let me continue what I was doing.  I didn’t want Him to go. He is my first love. But I knew I deserved it, and with each smack of the belt on my ass I felt how much He loves me!  I spent the next few days feeling great, I knew I was still in trouble, but my Daddy knew everything, no more hiding stuff. I even reminded Him about a question He used to ask me on a weekly basis . He said He stopped cuz He liked giving me some freedom and letting me be a person and in charge of myself, not a slave all the time. I wondered if next time He could just say that. I like freedom, but tell me first so I don’t think I’m just being ignored,or not cared for. 
We did realize our communication needs some work. We are back on the same page! And we want to stay there!

The Deeper The Love 

Friday night was a date night with Daddy and another couple. We had a great time. But let’s start at the beginning. 

Daddy got to my home, I was ready and waiting! I followed His directions down to the last letter. I hoped i met with His approval, His face seemed to say it all, yes. I was so excited to be going to have some fun with Him. Plus show Him that I’ve been reading a lot about how to please my Biker Daddy. I have taken this very seriously as i want to earn His respect so He knows He can trust me in any situation. I want Him proud of me! I won’t fail. Daddy let me know last night that I  was His ‘good girl’! 

Before our night really starts, Daddy and I had some dinner.  As we were driving to meet up with the other couple, Daddy put on music from His phone. I smiled when it played, as i realized we both listen to the exact same song and think about each other. How did we do that?, with all the music out in the world we both pick the same song! I was mezmerized. As we drove to their home we were singing to the music and holding hands. Ahhh, life is Good! We met up with the couple, introduce everyone, head to our destination. I like that Daddy is letting me in deeper, into His life. This step  of letting me meet club members is a big deal for Him, I could tell. So being on my best behavior, remembering all the stuff I’ve read about ,was my priority. I want Daddy to stay in my life for a long time, so Him knowing how important this is to me makes sense. 

When we arrived at our destination I kept quiet, didn’t interrupt Daddy, stayed by His side. I did try to keep a light conversation with the other female. But I kept my eyes and attention on Daddy. I know the biker lifestyle is considered more on the vanilla side, but i find many aspects of bikers lifestyle remind me of , well bdsm, so I felt very comfortable.

As Daddy was in line to pick up our tickets, we see this group of people, lots great energy going on. Daddy says, “That will be you soon.”  Now I’m looking at this group with complete curiosity. I see a girl in a short black dress with her arm around a man she’s obviously with, i see a group of men and women just laughing and talking, to the right i see a female wearing a sash that reads, ‘Bride to be’. I didnt ask Daddy for clarification, so i spent time being just puzzled about what He was talking about. I guess I should have asked for Him to clarify as im still puzzled. Did He see something i missed? Were one of these people ,who caught my eye, what He was talking about. Damn i wish i could read

Our night was very fun, but as a few situations happened i wasnt sure what to do, i needed Daddys attention. I noticed the few times I needed to get Daddy’s attn was when the waitress stopped to take our order, and i got hungry. I knew better than to interrupt, so I sort of elbowed Daddy, it did get His attn so I could point to her. It was the only thing that came to mind so Daddy wouldn’t be mad. He seemed to understand that I wasn’t trying to get my way, only help everyone order. This being our first time out in this situation,  Daddy did make sure i was doing fine all thru the night. Thank you Daddy.

The night was great. Daddy seemed pleased. That was my goal. I behaved as instructed. As we made our way out of the venue and back to the vehicle my thoughts were could I do this forever… Yes!

 On the drive home Daddy talked and I listened. He was very open about trying this in the past with other females only to wind up pissed off. He was very pleased with me. I had done exactly what I set to do, have Him be proud of me! Be happy that I’m His. I am His slave so all night my thoughts were gathered around that,  it is always right as i put my Master first, and I’m sure He could tell. I may have dressed sexy, but there was only 1 man I wanted , Daddy.  I may have been stared at by other men, but they can look at what is ONLY Daddy’s. There is no one in this world who can take my eyes off Daddy.  

All night long Daddy led, i followed. As we got back home, Daddy and I seemed very much in sync. It was like we shifted again, but for me , no more fear of it. We got into bed, Daddy found a movie , we were tired but not exhausted.  We started talking a bit, then Daddy made a move, and it was on. Oh Yeah! I got pounded by my Daddy. It was good, so damn good. I fell asleep right after, i just couldn’t keep my eyes open. I felt safe, completely happy. He gives me everything i need. We woke up several hours later, and had sex again! I did wonder if this will be what it’s like when we live together… 

Daddy and i talked for hours, i listened, He listened. I’ve been stressed. He held me while i let a few tears go. I love this man in my life, making it a much better place to live, thrive. I did hear Him about some tough things for me, my kids. Not that I’m doing a bad job, but i am not pushing the kids so they’ve gotten to relaxed. He is right, i realize i can’t do everything. I need some help. I hope Daddy is ready for all of us in His life, it won’t be easy but hopefully worth it to Him, cuz He’s all i got. 

The whole night, into the next morning was fantastic. If this is how life with Daddy is gonna be, yay! I know i think about it a lot anymore. I’m even dreaming about it more and more, that doesn’t usually happen to me. Weird. 

As Daddy went to go do His day, and i do mine my thoughts were never far from Him. But i do like waking up next to Him, one day…

To be honest, i played the song Daddy and i had been listening to. Its link is on here. But yesterday everytime i heard it tears fell. I have never been much of a crier, ever. But He does something to me, reaches a place in me no other man came close to, My heart. I have one! I was known as the ice queen, now i get it, this is the right man for me. I’m hoping i can still listen to this song and not cry everytime! 


Oh what a night!

Let me start by saying: I have the best Daddy in the world!

Why? Glad you asked. Well if you follow my blog (thank you for following) then you know I’m a handful. You probably feel for my Daddy that He has His hands full with me. Then add in that He has to work, raise kids, be with family and friends. I’m like a part time job?… full time job?… not sure which one!

Yesterday was Daddys birthday, and I tried to give Him everything He asked for plus some extra things. I like to spoil Daddy too! Well, things fell apart, Daddy didn’t get His most wanted gift. I worked hard but I failed. I don’t like failure, I took  it very hard. Daddy was kind and powerful, as He is over everything.

While I was feeling moody cuz it all went wrong, Daddy had other plans. I’m glad He did ,cuz it was the best time. We spent time watching a show together, just laughing. Then we decided to go out to dinner for sushi, Daddys choice. But before we leave the parking lot, Daddy hands me something,  it’s a ring! How is it that it’s Daddys birthday but I get the present? It’s beautiful! I love it! The whole night was just fun after that moment. Dinner was good, I’m glad I tried new things. Well He made me! Lol

Once back home we talked to my kids and once Daddy was out, I got Him to bed. It was the first time, that I remember,  that we didn’t have sex and then fall asleep. It didn’t feel like sex was missing at all. It was still a great night together! I had one of my kids take a pic of my ring so I could show my friends.

Daddy, did wake me up early for some play time! Oh!!! My!!! God!!! He breathed on my neck,  oh fuck, and then lightly sucked it. My body went off the deep end,I was horny as fuck, ok more than usual. My neck is one of those areas that get me going. Then we fell asleep, woke a bit later to do it again! My ass is sore too, not from what you think, dirty minded people. It’s sore cuz He’s been leaving some marks on it. They sting, I say ‘ow’ He starts all over again. Not the funnest game for me.

If this is even close to what life will be like with Him, damn…i am the luckiest girl ever! The way He talks to me , shares with me, shows me the way He wants me to go. He doesn’t let me get out of hand. There is more but these are the things I notice the most. The respect I show Him cuz I love Him. I’m a very happy girl, that is until He had to go this morning. I got teary, I missed Him the moment the door closed behind Him. I’m so in love with my Daddy!


My gift from Daddy, thank you Daddy♡ The part makes me tear up about Daddy, is no man has ever cared for me like He does. I would like to stop crying, I’m not much of a cryer, or I wasn’t before Him. It is everything to me to be loved like He loves. That He wants the best for me/Us. I know I’m on His mind. I know I’m important, even when I screw up or can’t give Him everything He desires. But threesomes are a ‘must’. I want Daddy to have that as long as we are together!