Here’s to us

As we began this journey ahead of us, I can’t help but notice everything is about to change again. I’m very excited, I’m ready.  I know you will push me to change, to grow, to learn all ways to please you. And you know I’m fine as long as you feed me bbq.

Everyday will be us ,Together in this thing called life. Learning more about each other , more than we have the last few years. 

I fear I will never be all that you want or need. I’m just not enough, but you’re still standing here. You try to tell me I am, but I don’t listen very well at times. Then the other night when you told me why you love me, why you picked me, how much I matter to you. It was beautiful, I was just blown away. No one has ever loved me so much. Thank you❤️

Recently, we toasted, to us. I felt something I hadn’t before.  Like my life is right where it should. I felt happy, peaceful. Sex was beyond perfect, omg!! Laughing together like I do with friends, I realize you really are my best friend, my lover, my Daddy, my Master, my King, Everything I need all rolled into one!

I wonder what the future holds. How many years we get? I’m thankful for each day with you. I’m happy to be taking this step with you. I honestly never saw you coming. I start to think to myself of all we’ve gone thru these 2 years. Honestly, if we hadn’t taken our time to grow together most of this crap could have torn us apart. I’m truly glad that we went slow, and now look at us! Going thru some very stressful stuff and as we needed a moment to take it all in, and process. Once the dust settled, look at us! Standing here, side by side, stronger than ever!  

All that we will go thru as we spend our lives together. I’m excited to see our family grow together.  As we raise the kids, have time together,making memories . Life can only be summed up in one word:

Happiness

What love feels like

I had to try to figure out what love feels like,  what it really is. I have it for my kids, some for my family even though they aren’t a part of my life any longer. But for the first time in my life, a man! I cared about people in the past , but never had this feeling about any of them , that no matter what ,I want you in my life. 

Recently, I had been more unhappy , but only with myself, my actions. I had made my mind up that I felt i might need to leave our relationship, all because things got tough over a situation from His past. It’s not really what I wanted. I should have just gone to Him to talk it out. Plus I forget, that as much as I hate drama, now I was causing some. I was  so unhappy with myself. 

I had let Him know that if the situation didn’t go my way, I would need to go on my way. That’s not what I wanted to do either. The people around me kept telling me I was doing the wrong thing. I think I knew they were right, but refused to acknowledge it. Then I was making Him miserable over things He had no control of. I didn’t look at things from His point of view. How does a dominant deal with a situation they have no control over, I don’t know, I never asked. I was so focused on my own point of view, my own feelings, my anger.

I had to think hard about how to get happy again. All I could think of was ,apologize to Him, and accept I had no control over the situation but only myself.  I truly have a slave heart, I hardly ever put myself on ‘ The List’. But how do I survive something that feels like it’s killing me? I don’t know, so  I thought, ” if the situation won’t change, I felt I had the right to think about leaving our relationship”. That became my only thought. I knew it would hurt Him, I knew it would kill me. But I didn’t see any other choices, nor did I talk to Him. I was so wrong. There are two people in this relationship, He deals with my crap. But He also has to trust that He’s as important to me, as I am to Him. How is He to do that when I’ve let Him know I wanted out if this situation gets to be to much for me.

I needed time to reflect, and I did that recently. If I wasn’t  leaving over some stupid crap then how could I deal with  it? At first, i felt sad that I could hurt the people I love so much. My kids have come to love and respect Him. I’ve bonded with His daughter, and how could I be without Him?? Was this situation so bad that it was worth so much damage. Could I ever apologize to all these people in my life over something that felt was so damn important?I knew I had to apologize to Him. I finally got the strength to say the words. Did I expect Him to be happy with me? Not really. I’m reminding Him that I almost hurt Him over my irritation. 

After lots of reflection of our situation, I finally found answers I was looking for, they were in me the whole time, who knew…I couldn’t leave, I’m a strong woman, and it’s not like my own life is without drama. Plus it’s not drama He caused. It’s that He’s stuck, but He has said He’s working on it, I trust that He is. but this situation is not fun to be stuck in. He keeps saying we have a future,  like the sound of that, it’s great, but it won’t happen if I can’t deal with this situation.

The time I’ve spent on my own over the past few weeks, just wondering how to make things right with Him. I decided I should let Him know I was truly sorry for any unkind words, for letting this situation drive me up a wall, for even saying I might need to leave , that’s not what I want at all.

I processed the situation all by myself. I thought about what parts hurt me, made me angry, and was honest with myself about “what was my real problem”, this was not easy, but for the first time I released all my anger. I saw His side, if I thought I had it bad , He had to deal with situation everyday, no matter what. I admired Him for that. He has such patience, doesn’t let this situation get to Him so much. I knew I had to let Him know that I love Him, and how could I mean that if I thought it was ok to leave and hurt Him. I couldn’t. I had to make sure He knows I can’t go. This situation after processing wasn’t difficult as I had made it out to be. I came to the point of no matter what, this situation will be around for a long time, if I couldn’t deal with it now, how would I get stronger later. I needed to be strong now. It was my decision. 

I’m sure this subject wasn’t fun for Him. But I really am sorry for what I said. How I got to caught up in my anger to see the other persons side.

As we spent our anniversary together last night, it was a beautiful night together. Wish we could do that more often. As I looked at the man in front of me I realized I want more with Him, for real. Running away when things get complicated is not what I want. When I thought about our situation I am much calmer than I have ever been. I accepted that nothing is ever perfect. I feel really good now. I processed my anger.Even others have noticed! Saying you seem better about all this. I love that ppl notice.  I am owning the bad stuff too, I hurt Him. I don’t like that, the past few weeks have been good for me. I’m seeing things differently. I’m seeing His side of things. I’m trying to be understanding that He can’t control the world, He only controls me. He’s a very patient man. He’s a good man. He loves me! I hope He knows how important He is to me, that it was super important to me that I accept His life ( good and bad), as He has accepted mine. 

Now you know what love feels like, it’s doing the right thing no matter how hard, like apologizing to Daddy.

I love you Daddy, I hope you know that

Together 2 years! And counting…

We are celebrating 2 wonderful, fun filled years together! I can honestly say, I don’t remember ever having this feeling last this long for anyone. In the past I wondered why, ppl would just tell me that we had gotten used to one another, that made no sense. Well, I’m used to my Daddy,but each day is exciting. We still have a kick ass sex life, love and respect for one another! This is definitely all new to me. I find my man interesting to talk to. I love learning new things, we still find more things we have in common. He makes me important, as a slave I’m so NOT used to that. I’m used to serving, never being heard, or treated with great importance. But He’s been different from the start.

This man in my life leaves me speechless. Makes me so happy. 

I told Him how much He’s changed my life, the lives of my children. All I can ever tell Him is how much we all need Him. It’s true, we do!

Where would I even begin to tell Him how much He means to me. There are no words in the English language that can express exactly how I feel. When you feel something for someone that you’ve never felt before, it’s hard to describe. I just know when I’m with Him, I feel loved​, protected, cared for, like He wants the best for me. If I have a problem yo He’ll solve it. ( Sry, vanilla ice ran thru my head!)

I know I repeat myself when I talk about Him. It’s really because I am still trying to process how I got so lucky. I’ve never had anyone in my life ,up to this point that made me feel so happy, usually by this point it was boring, but not Daddy. Plus we still have so much to do together, learn about each other, experience together. Sounds fun and exciting to me!

So, to be able to be with the man I love, have some dinner, enjoy each other’s company. That is my heaven. Sounds pretty perfect to me! 

Thank you Daddy that you want to be here after two years! That you must feel what I feel, how great is that! I’m so glad you’re in my life. Who could ask for anything more.

Heart of a cowboy, soul of a Master

We’ve been together for almost two years now. And wow that thought makes my head​ spin! I never saw Him coming, so of course He was a surprise. 

As I’m thinking over the last 2 years I smile to myself, all the dates, the gifts, sleepovers, time spent together, the wine, the kisses, the cuddling, the spankings both good and bad. Just bonding closer than I ever have with anyone. The magic that’s still there that has made our sex life so phenomenal, only one bad night of sex,and knowing us we could blame it on being tired. I’ve never seen two ppl work as hard as us. We know what we want, plus we’re workaholics, so we both understand one another.

I think of the past, I’m grateful for the present ( it’s a gift), but I look forward to the future. I wonder what’s really in store for us. We’ve talked about living together, talked about marriage. Nothing has been set in stone, we live in the moment. I guess He will have to surprise me, lol. I hate surprises, I need planned spontanaiety!

Our lives have been intertwined since that first moment we met, I could feel there was something different about this man the moment our eyes met, the moment He touched me, the moment He kissed me. I’ve been in awe of Him since. He’s taught me so much, how to love again, I thought I was broken. He gave me purpose. I was already independent and taking care of myself, He just made it stronger. He didn’t take it from me, He cherished it. Help get stronger in areas of weakness. Showed me new ways of doing things. 

We’ve been thru so much, dear God we really have. Some of it good, some not so good but we’re still standing. He and I bonded close and became ‘us’. We remind each other we don’t do this life alone, we are not alone, we do this together. I’ve been able to tell Him things I’ve never told anyone. Things that could destroy me, and some things I’ve tried to share with ppl in the past only to feel worse, He didn’t judge me, harm me with words, just accepted me as I am. Just that plain and simple. 

I am so happy, I can’t say enough good things about my Daddy/Master who owns me, my heart, and my soul. I was so broken when He found me, I really like who I’m becoming. I like who I am when I’m with Him. I like my life. I can hardly wait to see where we will be at six months from now, another year together…Five years…

I do love serving Him, and in return someone who won’t take me for granted. Whether He believes it or not, there won’t be anyone after Him should anything bad happen, or if this was just to end.Hes ruined me for all other men showing me unconditional love, care. There is never going to be anyone who can compare with Him, nor take my eyes off Him. Finding someone like Him was rare, men like Him are not born, they’re made. Finding Him, Him finding me, was shear luck. There could never be another man like Him, needle in the haystack theory. Not so much theory, but fact. I waited my whole to find someone to feed my soul, only Him. I waited to fall in love, find the one person who could make me believe in love, Him only. There’s never going to be another like Him. I understand that. If He chose to walk away from me tomorrow, I would have to accept my fate, being alone for the rest of my life. He would be the happiest memory ever. I was ready for life alone before Him. I didn’t make plans, I didn’t look for men. I was living my life. How on Earth would I do that without Him?  I really don’t want to. He’s mine! I’m so very happy. 

I love my Daddy! My Master! My King! My best friend, my confidant, my guide, my ol Man (lol), He’s my everything 💖 

Babygirl

If you only knew

Kitten had been snooping around Daddy’s office, the phone rang, she didn’t pick up but neither did Daddy. Where was He? She can hear water running, He’s taking a shower. She decided to snoop some more. She wasn’t​ fully aware what he did for a living, he was always mysterious about it. She couldn’t help but be curious. She looked thru his desk, nothing much in the drawers just some papers. She saw that he left his briefcase open, she opened it all the way. Inside was files and pictures of people and places. Underneath the files were two handguns. 

She was reading a file not paying attention at all that his shower had stopped, she was engrossed in what she was reading. ” Can I help you?” He said in a gruff voice. She knew he didn’t like her going thru his things. ” Sorry Daddy, I was just curious, you left your briefcase unlocked, so I peeked”. 

” Babygirl don’t you trust me to take care of you?”

” Yes Sir, I do. I just wanted to know what you do. From the looks of it you’re a bad man.”

” How so kitten? What do you think I do?”

” You take ppl out, right Sir?”

He starred at her for a minute, not sure of what to say, ” OK kitten, here it is, I do take ppl out. But only bad ppl. I’m doing the world a service really. These are ppl who plan terrorist attacks against other countries to gain control, so I stop them. I know it doesn’t seem important, but I like what I do, I make a difference and no one in the world even knows. My boss is very high up, he trusts me to take care of the trash, so I do. Do you understand kitten?”

” Yes Sir” she seemed a little shocked with the news, but could she really wrap her mind around what he did? Did she believe him? She was about to ask him more questions about his job, when he pulled on her arm, swung her around and put her over his desk. One hand on the back of her head and the other between her legs feeling her wet slit. 

” You’re wet kitten, does that excite you about what I do for a living?”

” Maybe Daddy” she smiled slyly at him. 

He pushed her head on the desk which popped her ass out more. He pulled her panties down past her ass cheeks and swatted her with hard smack with his hand, several times.

” That’s for snooping. Stay out of my office” 

” Yes Sir”

“When I get done with you, you will. I’m not convinced yet” he smacked her ass a few more times. ” Knees” her ass hurt but she wasn’t about to say a thing to him. Her head was still processing it all. She knew what was expected of her. So she grabbed his cock and stroked it and licked like crazy, hoping he’d forget about this, but that was highly unlikely. Just to teach her a lesson, he had her keep sucking his cock even after a knock on his office door , someone reminded him he had a meeting. He motioned for the man to come in. He knew kitten was struggling to wrap her mind around it all. He shook the man’s hand motioned for him to take a seat. The man starred at kitten and seemed uneasy.

” Should I come back?” The man said

” No, don’t worry about her. This is my slave she’s doing her job. Please let’s continue”. Daddy said. ” Teeth!” And he slapped kittens cheek. She was a bit preoccupied with what was going on. 

The man proceeded to talk about what he wanted done on this job, and how Daddy was to carry out orders. Daddy asked a few questions, the man got up to shake Daddy’s hand and leave.

” Daddy, that wasn’t fair. You never humiliate me in front of others. Why now?”

” Are you questioning me? I do as I want, at all times. I don’t answer to you kitten, that’s not our life, and I let you stay in the room so you could process all that you just learned, but while you stayed you were being of use, like a good girl. Plus with my cock in your mouth it was highly unlikely that you were gonna talk. Seemed like the right time to me” 

He helped her to her feet. She turned to walked away. He was right behind her, grabbed her hair, put her up against the wall, ” question me again, it will not go so well, do you understand?”. Kitten shook her head yes. He released her. She walked down the hall to their room, sat on the bed to try and think about everything she had just heard. He showed up in the doorway. She wondered if everything was a lie. 

” I kept it from you because my job is dangerous. I don’t know from job to job how things will go. I guess it wasn’t fair to keep it all from you. I did it with the best of intentions. I don’t cheat on you, ever. We do our threesomes, that’s it. You are more than enough for me to keep under control. I hope you can process this and we move on from this ”

” Yes Sir”

” I have to leave soon,but when I come back, if you want to talk we can. Just make sure you understand I answer only those questions that I think you need to know. My answers will be brief. You will know more than anyone ever has, but not everything”

” Yes Sir”

” That’s it? You’re so agreeable” he said with a grin.

” I’m a little scared of you Sir, what if you wanted to kill me?”

” I wouldn’t do that kitten. I know torture, I’d make you regret it first” he laughed

” Not funny Daddy”

” Watch that attitude, I have time to straighten out that attitude”. 

” Yes Sir”
**To be continued when I have time!**

Our day trip to Tonopah, AZ.

Mix – Kane Brown – What Ifs (Audio) ft. Lauren Alaina: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGV5Yom8JEY&list=RDBGV5Yom8JEY

Daddy and I took a trip today, played hooky from work. We got a much needed break from kids, everything.

We needed time together, things have gotten so stressful and crazy the last few months. This trip was important to both of us. Put everything in perspective. 

We talked about the past, our exes, kids, life, hopes, dreams, us as a couple. The day was beyond words. It was just what we needed. We laughed so much, made love, we got a day together and got to be naked the whole time! Who could ask for more. Not us, it was perfect! 

I can’t wait for the next trip, hopefully longer than this one was.But I will have this man in my life forever so I’m not worried about it. I’ll take whatever we can get. 

As we headed home we both had this look, we both just knew we needed today. For me, it opened my eyes to some things going on in our lives. I can’t tell Him how I just stare at Him and watch what He’s doing. Several times I got tears in my eyes, I just love Him so much. I feel so good, I hope I never forget today! I love my Daddy!!!!!!
**Song I put on this post, describes how I used to feel, when Daddy and I were first together. I’d been hurt so much I couldn’t tell which end was up. I was pretty sure He was gonna hurt me and leave eventually. Lucky me He reminded me over and over that He’s where He wants to be. Today, nearly two years together, I’m not so scared of our future together! I want everything with Him**

Sorry, I bet you thought I was gonna show you pics of Daddy and I?! Nope, we were naked all day, that’s private!!!!

Thank you Daddy, it was fantastic today! I love you!

Excited and happy for my Daddy

Yesterday was a big day for Him! He became a business owner! 

Daddy asked me twice to go with Him. I never felt it was my place to go, but I went, glad I did. It was wonderful to watch Him, his partners, just do their thing. Before we ever left Daddy was trying to find a nice way to tell me ,His slave, how He wants me to behave in this situation. As I stopped Daddy, I looked at Him and said , 

” I get it Daddy! Sit there, be pretty, shut the fuck up”

He laughed so hard. While Daddy was trying to be His gracious and wonderful self, I didn’t sugar coat it. I knew what was expected from me. I only needed His attn once for a brief minute. He was kind enough to indulge. After that I pretty much listened, sized up the people at the table and formed my own opinions, played on my phone. I was a good girl for Daddy! I represent Him to the world, so being gracious and welcoming like Daddy is helpful, and what He expects. I won’t ever be anything less than a lady unless told by Daddy that I may break that at any given moment. He’s not done that at almost 2 yrs , so I guess He just wants His slave by His side being the picture of perfection. 

Even when meeting someone for the first time, as I did recently, I spoke to the girlfriend while Daddy was talking to the guy. He kept an eye on me, every move I made. I didn’t speak incessantly so Daddy would know I’m not one to just prattle on.

Daddy seemed pleased with me in both instances. I would never make Him look bad, or speak ill of Him, treat Him as vanilla women treat vanilla men, Daddy is valued by me more than that. I hope I made Him proud that I’m His. I’m always proud that He’s my Daddy! I do think that He’s showing me that our life is changing, getting even closer, that I’m trusted more and more.

So, once we left His meeting Daddy flat out asked me what I felt about everything, how I processed it all. I tried like hell to play the stupid female, act like I didn’t understand. OK , I really didn’t understand everything I’m smart, but I don’t know business. I had to talk, tough thing about Daddy when He asks a question He expects an answer. Me: I’m not so much a talker. With girlfriends yes, with Daddy no. I do talk, I am completely honest with Him, whether good or bad, I try to let Him know my fears, my concerns, things I need Him to support me on. 

I love you Daddy! I’m so excited for you, for us! I’m so proud of you! My life with you gets better and better. I can hardly wait to see where will be in a year, five years, ten years?! As long as we are together it will be great, anything that’s worth our time and commitment might be a struggle, we’ve had plenty, but we do this together!!