He’s a worthy King indeed

How in the world,in our lifestyle can you tell when one has earned the title, ‘King’?

First of all, I’m not new. Any man in the lifestyle, that refers to himself as royalty, is usually one I don’t give the time of day to, never have. A dominant should exude confidence, not arrogance. There’s a huge difference. 

The dominant who can juggle all aspects of His life (work,family,play) has my respect. Pay attention to the wording, I said juggle , not has all the answers. He’s still human. 

If He is kind to children, and animals, except snakes hates those. Can He be gallant? We all know that men want a lady on their arm in public, and a freak in the sheets. No problem there. But I want the same from my dominant. Will He be the gentleman who opens the car door, and grabs my ass too?! He does!

I want a man who worries about me, will be funny and silly with me. Who can make it a night of bdsm, or just something sexy and hot, Both make me cum, it’s about effort. Can He cook? Cuz I will clean. When I’m sick, am I a priority.

I see Him, as He is. He’s strong, but He needs a woman by His side with strength too, a partner in His life. Someone He can talk to, share His secrets with and knows that no one will ever hear it. 

He needs to know that she has His back. That she’s close to Him, clings to Him but that they can go there own ways and still be 100% committed. She His ‘ ride or die’, cuz He would be hers if He has to. Care for Him when He’s sick. His goals are her goals, and vice versa. He can make someone else a priority at times, she doesn’t blink, she knows it’s for the moment. 

She can tell when He just needs some time to Himself, she doesn’t take it personal, but pushes Him to rest and put Himself first every now and then. They make their relationship a priority, but know it takes both to work at it. Any holidays and she will go pick a gift, she knows He has more important things to do. 

If He’s off with friends, family, or His club she knows she is still on His mind. And He’s on hers!

He makes her talk so He knows what’s on her mind, what she’s stressing about. He wants to guide her, encourage her, help her. They are always there for each other.

They know the goals they have set for themselves,kids, etc… And they both work together as a team. When one succeeds, they both do! 

This is how I know He’s my king. He never insisted I call Him that, He’s to humble. But He deserves the title, it’s been earned a million times over. 

When I look at Him, really look. I see a man with lots of friends, family, and His club but still really lonely. My job is to fill that void, to become everything He needs. Be His partner, His lover, His babygirl, His slave. Cuz I’m just like Him! We have all the stuff ( job, family, friends, kids) but to grow old with someone, cherish the love they give you, take care of their heart. Then you have found someone worthy , someone who should be treated like a king, called ‘ My King’. For He is everything to me! 


How did that happen? What happened?

I’ve never had everything I’ve ever wanted, until now. The last week with my Master has been the most incredible, we’ve had the most honest,real moments. We’ve yelled, we argued, we loved, we apologized. All the while staying close but being real with one another. This drove the sex thru the roof! Omg!  I feel like I can’t get enough of Him. 

No matter what kind of moment we have had this week, raw emotion to dirty, we do it together. He has opened His heart and let me in like never before. I’m thinking I did ask for that, and I guess I had no idea how much He protects me from all these things, but the words He spoke as my mind and heart just listened. He wasn’t keeping me out( my interpretation, that He was)He had been protecting me. As He spoke I could tell it was serious for Him, for us. We will go thru everything together.

In that moment my first reaction was  ” how could you keep this from me?” Then as He kept talking my mind went to “whatever He goes thru, I’m right here. I’ll be His strength, I’ll be whatever He needs. We will get thru this, we will go thru this each step of the way, together.”

Now I know He has much stress on Him. I hate that part, I definitely don’t want to add to it. Now that He’s being transparent with me, part of me wishes I had a magic wand to change it for Him. It feels so much closer now between us, I’m glad He protects me, but I like being in the know as well. I have so much respect for Him that He might feel frustrated and lost about how things in the near future will go, I don’t blame Him, I would be too. Actually I’m already there. There has been lots to process.

The other part of me looked at the man standing before me. The path He’s heading down is full of uncertainty, He has no fear, but definitely deep concerns. Who wouldn’t? I really got to see the other side of our life together. He’s our strength. How do dominants do it? I have such a hard time when one thing falls apart. But He holds so much in His mind, His hands, and His heart. I was alittle upset hearing new things, I felt that maybe I failed, He didn’t think He could trust me with this. As He kept talking I felt something else. He trusted me, but this was a touchy subject, delicate. Men, not just dominants, don’t always like to talk about everything. He had talked to His father, another wise thinker, but there was nothing new for my Master to grasp. I realized He was thinking about it so much, that time with me gave Him that break from reality, if only for a while. My heart aches for Him. I want to tell Him that, I want to ask how He’s doing? I want Him to talk to me, if anything new happens, I want to hear about it. Go thru this together, I don’t want Him to pick and choose which things He wants me by His side for. I want to be there for all of it. The good, the bad, the ugly. 

I want to know that we are really great together, for each other. We’ve wasted time on the wrong ppl before. But I like to see how we get from A to Z together. I won’t fall apart. I won’t ask you ten million questions that you don’t want to answer, or don’t know the answers to. I want to be your safe place. I want to feel like home for you. I want you to be able to tell me everything and know I’m really listening. I do care, I wish I could change it. 

I either want to celebrate with you, or I want my heart to break right along side yours, we pick up the pieces together and put us back together again, even stronger than before. I don’t want anything in this world to pull us apart. I love that you have let me in, I really needed it. I needed to know you trust me, and for my trust to grow even more. It has, in leaps and bounds. You gave me a gift the moment the words fell from your lips. A gift I will cherish, always. 

As the end of the week showed up. I had to know if there was time for us, thank you that. I felt closer to you in that moment ,more than all the time we’ve been together. And it’s been great, but this was a whole new level. Something almost transcendent. Like a whole new realm we’ve never been to before. Our bodies had sex, but our souls made love in perfect time together. One kiss from you burned with such passion and heat, like from the sun itself. You touched me on a level that no one ever had before. We both felt it, we both needed it, we both deserve it. We have been hurt so much before, but this, what we have can’t be undone. The universe brought us together. And it keeps getting better, and hotter between us. I finally understand all the things ppl say about love, I can feel it eminate from you like electricity. I’m drawn to you, to your side. Which is the place I want to be in your life, by your side. 

Whatever that was that happened to us, was magical, I’ll never forget it. I know it won’t ever happen with anyone else. As it’s never happened before. But I want it to happen again, with only you, and for the rest of our lives.

I love you, but these words don’t even begin to describe what love really is. Think of the other night/morning, then you, and only you, will understand how deeply I feel for you! Love is the word I will use Daddy, Master, my rock, my King but it doesn’t come close . There are no words for what happened. 


I love my memes

I really do love memes, they just say what I can’t say, or when I can’t find the right words the meme does. It’s like someone just gets it. I am deep, when I want to be, and I’m choosy as to who gets to see that part of me, most have not. All these memes are for Daddy, either He has said, I might say it or think it, or it’s how I feel and I can’t say the words, even to Him but I think my soul has whispered to His many times!

Hehe, I thought it was funny! It should be on a list before you put a ring on it, but this is a good start!

I’m so wanting a relationship like this, if we can’t play together how will we live together? I hate adulting, unless I have to. But I love to play with Him! Not bratty, just be His playful kitten, but hell yeah I’d shoot Him ,with a nerf gun!!He will never see me coming!

Here’s why He’s my world: one day the kids will grow up and go do their lives. It will just be us, I want that thought ,of just He and I, to drive me to a happy place, He just does it for me!

He’s everything I never knew I wanted, needed. Now that I’ve tasted life with Him, I’m thirsty/ hungry for more. If He would ever go I wouldn’t be the same. It would kill me.

The other night, exactly what happened! Omg!!

Yes, I am!
What? You were looking for something more philosophical. That was your mistake, check back soon I’m working on a few things! But this babygirl is hungry for Daddy! Incase you missed that part,lol.

– His babygirl

I’m in His very capable hands

Who would have guessed, lol. I honestly don’t know how He can deal with so much going on in our lives. I’m just always watching Him, I’m never gonna figure how He does it. He has this way of making it look so damn easy. Job, me, kids, club, friends, family,  and any other stresses you can pile on this man. 

He deserves a vacation on a beach, minimal conversation, lots of alcohol, me by His side, and threesomes! Damn I wish I could give that to Him… one day my love, just for you my most beloved Master. 

I found some memes that do describe how I feel, or how I see things! I love memes!

Believe me, I wanna rip His clothes, all but that cut! It wont hit the ground. 

  I do tell Him this even when He says I’m a brat, I tell Him “It takes one to know one”. Only one of us will get a red  ass from this though! 

Oh, fuck! He sure does, every inch of Me! There’s nothing like Him inside of me from behind, He puts His lips near my ear and says;  “Mine”. Yes Sir, yours! Wet just thinking about Him♡

He does, He treats me like a queen. Thank you Sir, you always give so much of yourself and you never disappoint,  I don’t mean sex on this part. You’re my life Sir!

Guilty 😦 sorry Daddy, when I’m feeling like a Babygirl sex kitten I find it hard to listen. 

I’m passionate about Him. He’s got the most beautiful soul. I’ve never encountered anyone like my Daddy 

I find Him staring at me a lot. I’ve never been loved like this before. I don’t understand it, but I never get enough,lol. I miss Him the moment I know He has to go. So I stare at Him too, to remember how blue His eyes really are, they twinkle when He laughs,  when His cock is in my mouth and our eyes meet! Then His goes back in His head! Love that I affect Him like that. I’m His forever 

I never planned on Him. I was content to be alone the rest of my life, I refused to settle. Then He appeared in my life, nothing has been the same since. There is no ‘Me’ any longer, just ‘us’!

I have given Him my blessing, He asked for that. Thank you for asking, and not hurting me. So, after we live together, He can have poly. But i want Him to know all His kisses are mine, forever.  I don’t care who she is, she gets Him for a short time and then He’s gone from her life. But He’s mine forever ♡ , this is sacred to me, I need to know there’s a line no other woman can cross. 

Maybe this is why He seems obsessed with me wearing dresses?? I’m having a feeling He would like them even once His seed is planted! Just guessing here, I know my man! My Daddy! My Master!

It would not have lasted this long if it was only lust. My feelings for Him are stronger now then when we first began, I know Him so well now. My heart is tied to His. I’m right where I want to be in my life.

His very capable hands! They are rough from His job cuz He works so hard. Weathered from riding along side His brothers. Seem soft when they caress my skin, not completely but I love that. His full hands when He’s hugging one of the kids, or talking to them, showing them something, or just playing with them. Capable as life brings us things we must get through, He holds those hands out to me and I grab on, Only those hands pick me up when I’m serving, those hands hold me close to Him. Those hands spank my bottom to show me who’s in charge all the time. Those hands brush the hair from my face whether I’ve cried, or have cum on me.  Those hands part my legs and they play with my cut or go deep inside,mmm. When those hands of His hold mine, of my…I love His hands.

I never understand why I crave Him everyday

I know we have gone slow, but He knew I needed It! I want my happy ending with Him Only!
– His kitten

How to figure out if she’s ‘the one’…

Women think they know how to find their soulmate, but what about men. Let’s look at things from a man’s perspective. 

What do men need from a woman? From a relationship?

What do men really want?

1. She knows how to deal with your anger.  I don’t care who the girl is, there will be times when you fight/argue, that’s a given in relationships. To find the female who can give you space ,let you process yet wants you all the more. She knows you could be angry with her, and she wants to talk it out, so things are back to being copacedic. She’s a keeper.
2. She respects your privacy.  She’s not going through your phone. She’s not asking who’s on your phone, or trying to sneak a peek when you’re texting.  She’s not worried that you could be cheating on her, she’s secure. She doesn’t question your time with a play by play of where you’ve been. She’s not following you, or seems to be looking for evidence against you. The other side to this is , make sure she feels secure enough to give you your privacy, and allow her to have some to.
Some men seem to disappear from their life when they get a girlfriend. She’s to possessive, demanding and just wants all of his time. Every guy needs time with his friends, same is true for women. It’s unhealthy to not take breaks from each other. If you find a girl like this, you’re a lucky man.
3. She trusts you.  This is plain and simple. You will know from how she talks to you, questions she does ask are not leading .
It takes time to earn trust. If you want a long relationship then learn to trust each other. The trust she gives you, give to her as well. Then remember how lucky you are to find a female to give such trust, don’t abuse it. Trust can be destroyed in seconds .
4. She doesn’t take your excuses. This is a good thing, she wants you to face life, good or bad. But she wants you to hold her accountable too. It also means she’s planning on staying by your side. No female will invest time in you if she’s not staying for the long haul. She’s a blessing to you, be thankful.
5. She is quick witted , and come back on your humor. Humor is a big part of a relationship,  any relationship.  It’s really how we relate to others. Check her out, does she really laugh at what you’ve said. Does she add to it. Can she make you laugh. Humor is a good thing, but it must be coveted in the relationship,  otherwise she was just laughing to be polite. Not what you want. If she’s genuine with her humor, appreciates yours and is playful with you, you have found your match.
6. You share same tastes, whether it’s food, movies, music. You will have your differences, but  for the most part, in a long relationship you will want to do things together to stay strong, cherish your moments. You wouldn’t go to two separate movies or concerts.
7. She believes in you. Love can make you both do things that you normally wouldn’t do. If you find a girl that believes in you , stands by your side through thick and thin, you have it made. This kind of love is rare these days. This girl will see you as a hero, this is not the same as rescuing her. Make sure you know the difference, because one kind of girl is constructive, the other is destructive.
8. You’ve heard the old saying, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Well, it’s true. No couple can spend every waking moment together. Men need their space, they need their boys, time with their boys with no female interruption.  Not every female is OK with this. If she’s nit, let her go she’s way to possessive and clingy, and maybe for our lifestyle she’s exerting control. Keep it in check.
Ladies, let your man blow off some steam, he loves you, he needs time to just be himself, or he could learn to resent you. Now, there is a balance here, men it’s up to you to learn that. If you spend more time with your boys and neglect your relationship,  who’s fault will it be if she decides to leave?
It’s a proven fact that absence does male the heart grow fonder, give him some space and he will wander a bit, and come back refreshed ready to take on anything. This gives you ladies time with your girls.
9. She expects you to act, not just dream. This kind of woman sees your potential. She wants you to be well rounded even if it means she has to give up some of her time with you, this goes back to believing in you too. She doesn’t want you to regret not trying things in your life, if she’s on board then she’s willing to make any sacrifice necessary so you can succeed, she’s not threatened by that, she’s cheering you on. This kind of girl should be seen as a treasure, since today’s woman is about owning the man, taking all of his time, leaving him empty. Men, choose wisely.
10. She has an elastic heart. This has more to do with how she is ‘after’ an argument or fight. Is she patient, gives you some space to think, is she compassionate,  forgiving, admits when she’s wrong and can apologize. All of these things show great love for you, this kind of female doesn’t need to win, hurt you with words, have her way. But she will need you to bring the balance.  Can you be compassionate, forgiving,  give her space, apologize? If you can both get through an argument with having to win or hurt the other person, keep that girl. Today’s society says women should rule men. Look at nearly every commercial on tv, very emasculating. But the kind of girl I’m talking about won’t want to wear the ‘pants’ , she’s confident that those belong to a man.
11. She respects your friends and family. This is pretty much self explanatory, but if she’s drama remember your life will be too. If she treats your children kind, is she friendly with people in your life, does she make ghe effort to like them all and try to get along, even if this includes exes. This is a sad fact in our world, but it is reality. If your ex ,family member, or friend is hostile to her and she doesn’t try to fight back or argue and make it worse, this is a girl who really loves you. There is no perfect situation, but you will have to make sure you are proud of who you are dating and maybe in a long term relationship with. You don’t need to regret the girl you love.
12. She shelters you from the storm. When the world has kicked you, she will lift you up. She wants to hold you on sad days, listen to you about what made you this way, she knows she’s not needed to solve your problems.  She will be tender, even if it’s heart breaking and you cried this kind of girl will hold you close to her heart, you will feel the love and no condemnation, or fear of letting her in. Keep this girl.

There are more, these were the most important things to men in this study, it wasn’t my study. The study was about how to find the girl of your dreams, you only needed to find a girl with 5 or more of these qualities. But ladies you can tell men are specific to what they want, not just about a hot body and pretty face. The want substance. Who can blame them, women of today don’t know how to treat men, we aren’t shown anymore. Good luck to both sides as you try to find your King or queen to fill your life. We barely touched on the lifestyle, this was just a vanilla study, I might need to find a study of our kind! I don’t even know if I do all, or any of these. If you want to leave feedback ,plz do!


It’s been 11 months for Daddy and me♡





Since I first met Him, I was hooked. Granted I had already established thoughts about Him from the year before ,when we met briefly.  How fate, the universe, whomever it was… I had a second chance with the man who put stars in my eyes. Even though for me the timing was bad. I wasn’t about to waste my moment now that I knew second chances don’t always happen.

I needed to know if He, ‘was the one I’ve been searching for ,my entire life’. YES, YES, A MILLION TIMES, YES. I didn’t know how to tell Him. I’m not even sure He felt it.

The first time we were face to face , it took every ounce of courage in me to stay by His side, as I felt like I was in the presence of royalty and I wasn’t sure I belonged. Daddy just has this commanding presence about Him. It’s actually quite unique. I was just myself all night long, but it was hard to make eye contact, still is. His eyes always feel that they can see deep into my soul.

The man I met that night, impressed me. He was such a gentleman.  He spoke eloquently,  asked insightful questions.  He didn’t show anything but excellence. My thought was then, as it is now, ‘ Fuck, I want to be all His, forever, and ever, and ever’. Females just know, 30 seconds or less. ( I said He was eloquent, not me! LOL)

Once we began to call it a night, I knew I would want more, He’s like a drug, I’m His addict. I still cannot get enough of my Daddy. I know He reminds me of plans He has for our future. I just count myself lucky, blessed, or whatever you call it that I get to wake up each morning , and tell my Daddy that I love Him so much! He is my first love♡ He is the man I want to spend my ‘happily ever after’ with. He’s the man who is my everything! 

I’m the luckiest babygirl in the world. No one has a Daddy like mine. Next month is a year!  I have never had that with anyone who actually mattered to me. I am so excited! Life does give you what you are looking for, if your patient! I’m patient, I don’t need to know what our future holds, as long as Daddy is in my life! I’m His! He’s mine! 

I love you Daddy!  There aren’t enough words in any language to tell you how much , hopefully I can show you♡


The relationship guru

I get so many messages from subs/slaves/babygirls about the subject of
‘Love and relationships’. I hate to burst your bubble, but I’m not the authority on this subject.  Having come out of my fair share of bad relationships, some abusive physically,  some verbally, some emotionally. One was all three. I have had counseling to overcome my past. But then my past taught me who I am.  To realize if I didn’t love myself, treat myself well, then how on earth was any man going to? It does start with your relationship with your own father, he should be your shining example of how men treat you, what’s acceptable,  what’s not. But if you were already denied that relationship,  then it’s much harder for you already.

I can say that most men, who I have allowed in my life, I have walls, have shown me I wasn’t worth being the only girl they fucked. I wasn’t worth being a priority. I wasn’t worth keeping in their life.  I would hear that they loved me, while they longed for pussy elsewhere. I never treated one man that way, but a few wanted poly and when they noticed I was busier than they were, it became a one sided poly. I became like an animal all caged up. I only got their time when it was feasible for them. The problem with that, when a good woman has had enough, she’s gone. She doesn’t look back fondly. But one thing has always remained clear, they always begged me to try again.  When I asked ‘what has changed’. I heard crickets chirping. I won’t do it again, incase they didn’t realize, they left me a shell of a person. Which then I must put myself back toether. My friends and my kids have this one joke, sort of a joke. ‘Well he will miss you when you’re gone, they always do’. I don’t stay where I’m not wanted. A man’s actions show me if I belong with him, is there a place for me in your life?

My best friend and i, well a man was fucking us both, we had no idea. He lied his ass off to both of us. It wasn’t until we saw each other at a party. It took us about an hour to finally talk, once we realized what was happening… well hell hath no fury, like a woman scorned, and here were 2 women. He even brought up how much he loved, cared about me, wanted me to live with him. I do believe his actions showed me everything I needed to know. In four months of dating here’s what I saw: ( we went out to eat twice, he wanted to fuck but  don’t they all, he was apparently playing with more than just my friend, and he never went anywhere out with me (dates), tried to cut everyone out of my life, our first holiday went badly ( this stupid fuck bought me a gift but bottom of my bag was a Receipt for more gifts, all lingerie and perfume. That’s not what was in my bag,  I doubt he bought that shit for his children)  His assumptions were ridiculous.  I never loved him. Those words never came out of my mouth, they couldn’t I didn’t have those feelings. As far as living together,  well ask someone who knows me I’ve never even considered that an option, til my current Daddy. But He brought it up first.  I thought about it about for like a month. I watched Him, listened to Him. Thought about how He makes me feel. I like this idea, I would actually consider it, as long as I know every level is at 100%. Realized I was the one who said ‘ I love you ‘ first,  but only because it was eating me alive that I really wanted to say it, I had to say it. I’m a brave girl with as hard as my life is, I decided one day not to be so afraid of three little words.  I knew if He didn’t feel the same, thank Him for the experience and go on my way.  Be proud of myself that I finally said those words to someone important to me. Now if He felt them too, it would be up to Him to say them when He felt them,  ‘if’ He did. He did say it  , in His own time.  Which for me, felt real. I liked that rather then Him be like a parrot, ‘awk, I love you too, I love you too’. What my Daddy didn’t know at that time was I had never said these words to anyone and meant them. I had even been married, I didn’t feel them at all for that man, I was doing what my religious parents wanted. I had sex so apparently god would be pissed if I didn’t marry that man. He wasn’t even my first.  If we go with you have to marry each time you have sex, then Liz Taylor looks like she had her shit together. It was really my mother , whom I hate, but always sought her approval on my life. This woman couldn’t pick a good loaf of bread to eat,  but somehow felt she picked me a great guy. Could be why I don’t respect marriage. I never saw a great example of one. Both of my parents were married three times each. My mother cannot pick a good man. My dad married a wonderful woman, i like her more than i like him. I do seriously think that before you marry anyone , be honest with yourself. Is this person for you? Do you know how to be married? This question is an excellent one, since most parents could not show us what that is, divorce is just to prevelent. I saw my parents do divorce really well. But that was not the example I wanted.

Deep down inside myself, I actually like the idea of marriage.  I’m not that cold hearted. My own son was about to get married, I was glad he did not waste something so precious on the wrong girl. That was smart. I wasn’t against him getting married, but make sure this is really the right person. Every area should be 100%. If it’s not, stop fooling yourself. Remember the vows actually say, ’til death do us part’. That’s a fucking long time, so hopefully you chose well and married your best friend, cuz if not you’ll be wishing for that death part.

For me personally,  I won’t do it again. Not unless I know it’s the right person. It hurt to much the first time to fuck it up again. I won’t lie to myself, I’m not 20 yrs old thinking ‘I’ll get him to change his ways’. Men don’t change, but women don’t either. Each person is who they are, now you can adapt and make things different/better in your life. But change? I have never seen it happen.

I have talked to women about this subject, many times. I have heard the guy must be wealthy. I have dated many, billionaires, multi millionaires, rich and famous. One thing I know about me is… I couldn’t see it last long. I didn’t have this feeling for them. Something was just missing. I would leave. I had many girlfriends get mad at me. Because they would tell me I could learn to love. Umm, nope. That’s stupid. I was even told just marry them for the money,  then leave, but I’d be taken care of. That’s not how I think, it’s not me. The one thing I did hear from those men, was they loved my honesty. They knew I was one hell of a woman that wasn’t staying for money, wealth, stature. I wanted the right person, rich or poor.

I have cut my friends list down quite a bit over the years. Many are aqaintances, I see them, not to often. My bff from years ago, now lives in a three story mansion, But the guy is an asshole. I hope that money keeps her happy, but I doubt it. She shops nearly everyday. She smiles less than that. 

I guess the good thing about coming from a wealthy family, I did. Was that I learned the value of a relationship,  the value of a dollar, and they are rare to have both. But then I know poor people who aren’t happy either. Money never equals happiness. Money is a tool, it pays your bills, feeds the ppl in your home, maybe some to squander, but it’s not everything. 

I am not a love guru, relationship doctor.
As of this morning, why was this so important to write? Well. 7 of my friends are now engaged. All sharing details of wedding stuff, wanting me to attend. I’m not sure how I feel about any of it. But then I have someone close to me, who has been seriously thinking of ending her relationship.  I have listened to how/where it seemed to go wrong. They hardly see each other, they hardly have sex, they don’t go on dates, they are poly and with more play partners then with each other. They hardly talk, they hardly text.  I get so scared about that. I realize I don’t see my Daddy very often. Sometimes I have felt like I’m not a priority, or He has things more important that need His attention. My Daddy and I don’t go out much, don’t talk on the phone a lot, we text some. But when we are together, we are connected on every level.  Sex is never the goal, but even that is always hot. But in my mind , I wonder if it’s enough… I do crave to see Him more, talk more. Even things that are the past need to be settled.  It can’t be soon enough for me.
In fact I’m doubting ‘us’ because of the past. This is not a good place for me to be in. I know Daddy and I go slow, I like slow, but there’s this one thing that just makes me think I should let go. It’s the last thing I want, but I can’t stress how it hurts me, day after day.

I felt very good that, if anyone got in the middle of Daddy and I, they needed to go. I let go of 5 of my so called friends. It hurt to do, but felt necessary. Recently being told off by someone I considered a friend. I don’t do stress, I will only hold on for so long. I’m trying my best. I need Him to make this happen, catch me if I fall. I know where I want to be. I won’t force it, or try to make it happen, even ty to manipulate to get the result I want. I will just go, quietly.

No relationship is perfect , vanilla or bdsm. It’s really about a connection, something so strong that you can’t explain it. But you know you feel something for this person that you had never felt before. I have seen it end though. You can’t make anyone love you, like you do them. You can’t make someone make you a priority if they just cant/wont. You can want forever, but there are no guarantees.  You might want to marry that person, but you need to see if that’s where they are to.

It is has been very hard on me the last five months, watching some friends move in together, watching others get ready to marry, and others go their own way. I wasn’t sure how to help any of them. But mentally it took its toll on me. Made me think a lot about my own relationship.  Why on earth these women felt I hold all the answers , I will never know. But I do know that today they will realize I was always there to listen. To hopefully never give advice as only they know if it will last or not. I will always be a friend, I do care. I just don’t know all the answers.

I hope my girls recover from this shocking revelation!  Lol.

Lastly, I don’t know how to tell if any relationship will last forever, I have no crystal ball. It’s either worth your time, or not. If it goes badly, I will help pick up your pieces. If it goes great, I will be cheering you on! But I expect the same from you.

My girls know how I feel about marriage, I don’t hold back on that subject.  Any man who goes to that subject, needs four things,  or don’t bother. I don’t change my list for any man either. I won’t tell the four things, if the guy knows me, talks to me, it will come out eventually. No hurry!

As for other relationship aspects.  I’m just not a guru. I have my own short comings. I’m really not perfect, but If I love you, I will show you. It should be more than words. That person will not doubt my love. I won’t want to leave. But I will be thinking about a long time. Just keep me important,  in your toughts, communicate with me, actions speak louder than your words,  and do wonder if im happy. If i feel like I’m competing for you, I will let go, done it before. I know what I want.  I don’t have time to fuck this up, been there/done that. If any man wants me, as much as I want him, well then you have my attention use it wisely please. I don’t wish be hurt anymore, nor will I try to cause pain. I will never be afraid to say I’m sorry, I’m humble enough to know it’s the way to fix things. I can live vanilla or bdsm, I have both in my life, we all do. I am not one to waste time. If I see you are done, or backing away, like I said I will go quietly. I’m not a baby, I don’t need to be coddled. What I want/expect is simple. Be honest with me, talk to me,  I want to be the only one in your life, if I feel like 3somes consider yourself the luckiest son of a bitch, that doesn’t happen often, if ever. But don’t take advantage of it either. Make me a priority. Show me what I mean to you. If all these things are working 100% for me, then I’m happy,  I’m right where I want to be, sex is usually fucking fantstic. Any of those things change,  my balance is off,  yeah I give hints, or subtle warnings, but I’m thinking of going soon. I may even have a date picked out . Which means fix it with me, or I’ll be gone before you know it. I gave chances, plenty of them.

I hope this helps explain me, who I am as a person, as a slave/babygirl.

* I have been stressed, as of late, lots of shit on my platter. I had to trade in the plate, upgraded so I could handle more. There are some ppl who are confusing me. I’m a thinker by nature. I have been thinking a lot lately. Is that good or bad, I’m not sure yet. I’m very unsettled inside. I don’t know who to talk to. I know I want to make up my own mind. Hopefully soon. Right now though, I have it on the back burner while  dealing with other people’s issues. Things they can’t do alone. I’m sure once all my issues have been dealt with, I will feel much better. I need balance, to think clearly,  peace. Fuck with these things you’ll wish you hadn’t.