The long road ahead

As my bff has found the Dom of her dreams, things are heading full steam ahead. She’s now at the very crucial point, becoming fully His.

He is starting to break her. For those in our lifestyle you know what I’m talking about. Each Dom will shake is head in accordance, as they have each broken someone who means something to them. Each submissive smiles and has that moment of ‘ oh dear God , the pain. But it’s all worth it.

Was it really worth the pain? When it’s the right Dom, yes. I’ve known some that would help break any sub or slave, no relationship was needed. Just your time, and respect for the Dom. No sex involved. It was just to free her from all the pain of the past, set her free. Help her grow in each area of her life to be the best she can be. I’ve met fake Dom’s who took this breaking very wrong. Used the women for sex, no real training. I’ve been here a long time, even my first Master who helped train me to a point, knew it would not be sexual, never was. It was about protocol, rules, expectations, how to serve with your whole heart. Once he was done we were released. He let us know he’s gone as far as he was able, training would be accomplished by the one who picked us for their own. He was right. I learned plenty. I was happy, peaceful, young, and now searching for my other half of the puzzle. I now look at all exes as life showing me what I don’t want. If I think about this any other way, my self talk really goes badly, ‘ how could you be so stupid’, ‘ what were you thinking’, ‘ were you on drugs for that whole relationship’. Shit like this, unhealthy.

Granted I still have my good days, and my bad days. But most are good! I’m happier now that my Master has shown me how He wants me to serve Him. How to think, how to behave. He’s made room for my babygirl side, not much room for the brat in me. My friend did ask, ‘ how will I know when training is done?’ that’s a fair question, ‘ never’. As people we are always evolving and changing, He will know the way, so follow Him. 

When you’ve been single a long time, how do you just let someone take over your life? One step at a time! Rome wasn’t built in a day, neither will you be. Believe me, she doesn’t always like my answers. Each sub or slave will have their own breakdown and rebuild, no two are alike. 

She is cautious if he will read her and know what she needs, doesn’t need. On this, I giggled alittle. They are born dominant, they think dominant, they sleep dominant, they react dominant in this world. We, however, are submissive so we can only understand our side of things. This is where trust will take you further. Just let go… Yes, easier said,than done. But we submissives all go through this fire.

Why must I be broken? Aren’t I fine the way I am? This gave her cause for concern, does he want a perfect woman and she is his willing victim. To the untrained eye it might appear this way. I had to find an analogy she could relate to. Her children and gardening. I started, ” if your child was full of unhappiness,sadness, pent up emotions, not living life to the fullest would you leave your child there? If any of your plants were not doing well would you let it die, or work on bringing it back?” Her response, ” I’m not heartless I would guide my child with love ,listen to them, help them thru, do what was necessary. The plant too”. I smiled at her, she looked puzzled.

Let me explain! He sees you not living at your full potential, pent up crap from the past, things that need to go. He will show you how to release it all. Then he will fill those empty spaces with things you actually need. And show you who you really are, the real YOU that you were meant to be before life happened to you. Plus, you’re his so you will learn how to please him. Think of his needs before he speaks of them. Put him first in all things. This is what Dom’s do, when he’s done you will be an amazing woman, the woman you were always meant to be. And since he’s the one doing the work, he reaps all the benefits. I can hardly wait to see you six months from now, a year from now. 

She wondered if this is what makes me love my Master more? Yes, it does. Plenty of men before Him saw my pain, and made more, whether intentional or not. He saw my worth, what I can become. Even the things He puts me in charge over in my life, He still watches those. He still pushes me, even out of my comfort zones. The only thing is I don’t fight near as much. I will occasionally ask if this one area can be untouched, the answer is usually, ”No, I expect it to be done, no more questioning me”. Believe me I know how to grit my teeth and bare it really well. But once I get through it I’m very happy, I grew again. 

My Master knows me like a book. He’s knows when to push, and when to leave something alone and maybe try it again at a later date. For instance, humiliation, my ex robbed me of all my emotions. My Master could hardly say anything to me that I didn’t take it like a personal hit to mean He must hate me as much as my ex. Years later, my Master can look at me and ask, ” who’s Daddy’s lil whore?” I’m smiling like an idiot! And my babygirl side is bouncy and giggling, ” me Daddy!!” I’ve changed so much. He, my Master, knows my past, knows me so well that with only words He could kill me if He wanted. A few times, in the heat of an argument, He has cut me and I’m bleeding out. Only He didn’t leave me like that, lifestyle or not, we are still only human. He has had to fix me up again, and send me on my way. I’m good again. But there’s a difference, what other men meant for harm, my Master had no intention of harming me and leaving. It’s fixable. 

The vanilla world knows nothing of this kind of thing. Vanilla women are not allowed to let vanilla men break them down and build them up again, but better. Most vanilla men wouldn’t know where to begin. This is where I have always felt like our lifestyle is far superior than our vanilla counterpart. We choose to be an open book, they hide their true feelings. 

If you are so unhappy in your own world that you cannot see the beauty in this breaking down do NOT mssg me, I will not be kind. I have seen tv and many about females letting men deconstruct you, or take your identity. The commercial that comes to mind is a woman being  led around by a man, she’s on a collar and leash. He leaves her outside a store, the commercial sees her the same as a common house pet. I see the beauty in the collar and leash. As you wouldn’t want your dog to go to far from you, safety reasons, how would you let your woman go to far from you? But this particular commercial is made by feminists movement, and infringes my rights. They do NOT decide for me, my Master will. He has only my good in mind. For those small minded people, you make me sick 

The road ahead is a long one for bff, reason being, does she have a submissive side that she’s denied for years? If there is her Dom will be bringing it out. She’s never been trained before so everything is a surprise. I’m trying to show her how to respectfully ask for clarification. She did however not listen to me, and he stopped his process once she questioned and then told him what she can’t handle. But then asked him to explain what he’s doing, after he already did. I was shaking my damn head. Yikes! If this had been me and my Master, let’s just say I’d be lucky to be alive. This is where my bff says, ” I will not be in fear of any man”.  Wanna bet?

I calmly say, ” I never said fear, I said reverence”. I did try to explain to stop fighting the process. She let me know that he’s aware of how far he can push her and things that are hard limits and will stay that way. Again, I’m shaking my damn head, and I’m thinking” just shut up”.  

I had to explain why when she starts telling him she’s doing her best, that he gets up and leaves. Always a hard one! I explained it’s several reasons. 1. He knows it’s not your best, but you’ll get there how he wants you to be, he must push to see what that is. 2. How submissive are you. 3. Only one of you will be in charge and he leaves to remind you he chooses to be in your life and feel the pain of his empty presence. 4. You need to stop talking, this is his job. 5. Once you said, Yes , you lost all rights, you’re his.

She did let me know that breaking hurt like a son of a bitch. ” You don’t say?” Was my come back! She’s not sure she can continue. I ask, ” do you love him? Do you trust him? If not, don’t go thru the fire for him. It gets worse before it gets better, but it’s worth it”. We submissives know that ONE DAY when you look in the mirror, you finally see the person looking back. You wonder WTH is going on. Oh my god, he broke me. The only person you have to thank is him. The only person you want is him. You have value because of him. You now know all that pain was worth it! 

I gave her a hug as I left, I wished her the best. I hope she sticks with the breaking down, she needs it. She deserves to let go of all the crap from her past. She hugged me again, and said she was sorry for never paying attention to things I said. Or seeing the slave I am for my Master. She always thought the things I do to show my Master love and respect were mundane. Now she sees for herself! No apology was necessary, but I do get the added joy of when we go somewhere she MUST ask, and wait for the response. Paybacks a bitch! 

I’m still very thankful for my Master seeing potential in me. I don’t always see it. But I like me more now, than ever! All because of Him. Is His work done in me? Nope, it never ends. Thank you Daddy!

Never easy, but always worth it!

As I talk to a friend of mine today, she’s excited about her new Dom. I’m excited for her. She’s got her new rules! Knows what he wants and expects from her, she’s happy as a clam! That’s great!

She did ask me if that happiness ever wears off? That’s a tricky one to answer. If it’s the right Dom for you, then no. If he’s not, then it will be short lived. I gave her honesty, it’s best to swallow that pill now.

Shes asking me a ton of questions. She’s so happy! She wants to know why she feels like a school girl. Dominants give us a gift. The gift of freedom! The gift of being our true self. The gift of service to them. He could have picked any female for this job, but it’s mine! It comes with no paycheck, no vacation time, but the perks are plenty!

Freedom just from Him taking over your life! How’s that possible? It’s hard to explain to the vanilla world, but those of us who get it, it’s the most wonderful feeling any submissive, man or woman, can have. My choices are what He allows. I go places, only He allows. I meet up with friends, only He allows. I eat, only what He allows. I drink, only when He allows. I dress how He allows. I cum, only when He allows. I speak, only when He allows. I serve, All the time! I am actually serving in each example listed, by obeying Him. It’s an easy concept, but delivery can be hard as fuck somedays. 

I shall be her support on days when she’s tired of giving, and doing. Forgets why this was such a wonderful life. Trust me, you have those days. But we always get back on track, a great Master knows your human. That you might need a moment to just be you. They watch, observe, and then help you get back to being submissive you, it’s never forced. If it was forced you’d never find joy in it.

Vanilla people serve too. A wife who makes dinner, cleans the home, does laundry, chauffeurs the kids, is her man’s support. Umm hello that’s serving! 

My life is happy! I can understand my friends happiness, because my life rocks too! I have the love of a wonderful man, who’s also my Master. He’s my Daddy, my King, the only man who owns my heart and soul. But He’s also my friend, the one I go to when I’m falling apart, He listens then points out how to find what I’m looking for, makes me laugh! He sings to me! I love our conversations, ok when they aren’t about me being blonde. Yeah, I said it! I won’t remember it in 30 seconds! He encourages me, helps me, believes in me, wants me. I have the most amazing life! Of course we all have our good days and bad days. Make sure the good out number the bad. 

What about Him? Does He feel your love in word and deed? Hopefully so. Does He always want to be in charge? He was born dominant, as I’m born submissive. But He will have good days and bad, He’s human as well. Don’t be so selfish as to think you are the only one who has needs here, they are just different from His own. Men need to feel loved, cherished, women need to feel wanted. Always give your best to your dominant, the rate of return is great. This is where vanilla people get lost. When you communicate, on the same page, roles identified, rules established you can’t help but feel safe, happy. It’s all spelled out before you. You know what’s expected, what will happen, how it will happen. There are no grey areas. But if something is not clear, just ask , your dominant wants you to understand. You won’t be set up to fail, ever. This concept is most definitely lost on vanilla people. 

So, what did we learn today? Lifestyle is pretty easy, we make it harder than it is, we will have some challenges, but it’s always worth it! Live with no (regerts)!!! Yeah I did that on purpose, not cuz I’m blonde, but I am blonde, but cuz  it’s funny. I think I’m funny, Daddy doesn’t! But I am!  Oh forget it!

Vanilla is just a flavor of ice cream!

For months Daddy let me off the bdsm hook so to say, gave me space as my pain got worse, I couldn’t have sex, and we both waited for my surgery.

After surgery we had to wait for me to heal, I’m a horrible patient. He was not happy with me. But He didn’t spank me out of fear I’d get hurt, but He didn’t put me on task either. He let me be me. 

I got back to work as soon I could. My body was still trying to heal and now do my normal life. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it… But something was amiss.

I had wracked my brain trying to figure it out. Daddy and I were good, but our connection was lacking. I wondered if we were near an end for us, I didn’t want that. We have put in almost 2 years together, we have amazing sex. We can talk about anything. He’s my best friend, my Master, my Daddy, my protector, my everything. But what’s going on?

I knew I was arguing about the same thing over and over. It’s a sore spot for me, I don’t see anything change so I figure I should accept the inevitable. I’m gonna lose Him. I’m a strong believer on working things out, trying it all before you call it a day, but I wasn’t sure what to think anymore. I’m still a bit lost.

Then He did something out of the blue. He told me off. I was shocked that He did that. A little surprised too. But inside jumping for joy! He figured it out. He’s the one in charge, not me. I still haven’t asked Him if He felt the same way, cuz it came on Him right out of the blue. He told me my rules again. I’m thinking to myself, ‘ oh yeah, I have left most behind’. Not good. He let me know I will obey them as I have always been expected to do. I said, ‘Yes Sir’. As I know how to answer Him properly, but I was getting the message.

I hadn’t asked to do anything in months, I just went and did it. In all fairness even in lifestyle stuff there are some situations I can’t wait for His answer I must go, but a text will be sent and an explanation of why I couldn’t ask. It will be up to Him to decide if He feels it was good enough to let it go or will it be my ass when I see Him. He’s always been a fair Master. A very good Master.

With kids around us and We don’t get lots of time together,it’s much harder to be naked and waiting in slave position for His inspection of His property.  Only He will let me know how I shall please Him in all ways. 

I started doing what’s expected of me again. I ask for everything regardless of what it is. A few of my friends were not so happy that I had to go back to waiting for His response instead just go do what I want. But I was smiling. I knew exactly what had been missing now. His direction over our lives. We both slipped into vanilla quite comfortably and once the smoke cleared from all the issues we had with my health, bdsm was left at the wayside, in many ways.

He cares! I keep getting teary again. I now know the reason I’ve felt so lost, He was not what I was keeping my eyes on. I was just doing life. I’m good at it. But  I need bdsm, I crave the rules, structure. It shows me how much He cares. How much He loves me. Even us kinky ppl can lose our way too. 

I want to ask Him what happened? Did it just hit Him that we fell out of our roles in the lifestyle? When did He figure it out? Don’t get me wrong, we are a strong couple, we survived months of vanilla. But I wake up and I have my rules, and my structure back. I have my Master back. Oh fuck, I have plenty of bad shit coming my way, I might not survive for real. He is a great Master, a very good man, but He’s got the memory of an elephant, and I’m screwed. Which was the conversation recently. How will I start serving my sentence? Only He will answer that. He’s even prepared to take away my phone. My phone? I can’t survive without my phone. There was a time I could and did get thru life without my phone. But no phone? 

As I am most happy! My friends don’t understand, well a few do. The balance is back in my life. I am following my rules. I live by the structure He has set for me. I guess I will be asking to speak freely when I need to talk and not yelling anymore. Oh god, I have yelled at Him. He’s definitely coming for me. He’s definitely gonna make up for lost time. I’m sure He’s bdsm proofing our relationship. How not to fall back into vanilla ways. 

I feel so good, yet full of fear at the same time. It’s a strange feeling. Only He knows why. Only He knows the holy terror I’ve been. I can work in a vanilla world, raise our kids in a vanilla world, but I can’t remain in that vanilla world for to long. It changes me, and not in a good way. 

I love you Master. Thank you so much for getting us back on track. 

What is real communication ( not my work, worth sharing)

​What Do You Mean When You Say Communicate? I am Communicating!

By lunaKM
Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
People in the D/s and BDSM lifestyles love to say this word. We emphasize that it’s the cornerstone of the relationship, that it is the key to a successful relationship and that negotiation, a form of communication, needs to be done on a regular basis depending on the situation and relationship type. With over a decade in the lifestyle I know what they mean when someone says communicate.
A novice? Not as much.
Growing up I learned more how not to communicate for fear of reaction, response and revealing too much. I learned that the little white lie wouldn’t hurt anything and that not telling someone was sometimes better than coming clean. I heard my mother tell us many times not to tell father about something she did or purchased or talked about. What they don’t know can’t hurt them, right? The examples we’ve been exposed to has been full of secrecy and keeping our opinions to ourselves. So, you may have fantastic communication skills in the outside world.
It’s not the same thing for D/s or BDSM. Not by a long shot.
In a D/s relationship and in BDSM the opposite is true. “Dominants and submissives in a relationship speak about everything! Whereas most men and women entering into a vanilla relationship withhold information about their desires and sexual needs because they fear rejection or ridicule, in a Power Exchange relationship, these individuals candidly share their most embarrassing desires, their fears of abandonment, their fears of failure and never being good enough, their need for love and most importantly what these issues look like are immediately addressed.” (Dr. Charley Ferrer, “BDSM Relationships,” Retrieved 11/4/13) It’s very rare that you can reveal too much. Transparency is encouraged. Sharing every detail about something is more important to building trust, keeping you safe and developing strong relationships. So what is transparency?
Transparency is not lying or covering up small details. Do you have aches and pains in your left shoulder? Tell your play partner before playing with them. That goes for all medical issues. You never know what might happen and having someone know these things is safer for you. Need to skip anal sex that night because of stomach upset? Don’t just say no, tell them why. Trust me, they can take it. Omitting something from conversation can be the same as lying in some relationships.
In a relationship situation, don’t be afraid to reveal thoughts, opinions or stories that might contradict or counter what your partner has said. Try to never be hesitant to ask a question, no matter how silly it seems. In a close, intimate relationship it’s known to get to a point that you can tell the other person anything. And boy does that feel good.
For you, the novice, it can be scary to be that vulnerable with someone. The level of openness required is filled with anxiety. Take it slow. Build the trust with someone and when you are ready you will know you can share anything with them. Painful pasts can be met with compassion, fears and embarrassing fantasies with understanding and acceptance.
You will learn that communicating is a whole new world when you enter into a BDSM relationship.

I’m Daddy’s kitten,  and I approve this message. Plus i think it has valuable info everyone can learn, even vanilla ppl!

It just felt so right

Yes it did. Spending some time with Daddy at His place while His roommate was away. Doesn’t happen often, so we did capitalize on that! Since we want to live toether in the near future I viewed this time as a precursor for us. Can we enjoy each other’s company no matter what we are doing? Can we be vanilla? Can we be just like any other couple? Can we go without sex and still feel completely whole together. 

I know I put a lot on one weekend. But I was curious. I know it always feels right when we are together,  but if we change things up, does it still feel right? It did. It was everything I expected it to be, and more. Real life was happening and we went with the flow. We did life, like we always do. It proved to me no matter where we were,  what we are doing, that feeling stays right there. It’s this peaceful feeling that reminds me always, ‘ I’m right where I should be’. There’s no pressure to it. You can’t make it happen. It just does it on its own. 

So, as I left for my place this morning, get back to our normal routine, I was smiling like an idiot all morning! Not because I’m a blonde and confused, although it does happen,lol. But because this is what I want. I really am right where I should be. I’m so happy. I didn’t know anyone could ever be this happy. 

I love you Daddy♡ thanks for this weekend. 

-babygirl

I processed, but now the real work needs to happen. 

I got it! I processed this all ,mostly on my own. I got by with alittle help from my friends. 

The hard part, is putting away the babygirl, she’s to playful. Get myself back to my slave frame of mind. Some days these can be hard to separate. I hear Daddys voice in my head, something about ‘I just don’t want to separate them’. Ok, maybe Daddy in my head knows me well.  

I did need to get back to my slave frame of mind. He let me be fun,flirty, and playful. But when the real stuff comes in, I was wrong to speak without asking first, and watching my tone. I do apologize for that Sir. I’m not a perfect slave, but I want my Master to know I care when I screw up. I want Him to be proud of me at all times, but 9 times out of 10 is a realistic goal. Ok, it might be less than that. With real life, and lifestyle,  it takes a lot of work to get to that frame of mind to process correctly.  

I processed thru the weekend, now I’m just trying to let it all go. ALL OF IT. I know my Daddy well enough to know He’s a thinker and a planner. He doesn’t say anything lightly, do anything lightly. He keeps me in the know as much as I need to be. I also know that He wouldn’t tell me things and they not be true, that’s just not Him at all. If Daddy says something you can take it to the bank. He eplained some things to me this morning,  but deep inside I didn’t even need that. I knew it was something else, not even related. I trusted Him before He said a thing. What I do need is to discuss the deeper things on my mind ( finances, work,kids,losing weight, I see Him changing things). 

CHANGING THINGS, yeah I’m lost. This is the source of stress.  I need to know with all these changes what’s expected of me? Are more rules coming? More structure of how He wants things done.  But then Daddy usually tells me at the right time. So, I found myself stressing and some instruction as of what He expects. I am a perfectionist so knowing how to be ‘perfect’ is what I need. I feel lost and maybe unprepared. He let me know sometimes I’ll have fair warning, sometimes I wont have any. Omg.  I’m stressed. What will Daddy think if I screw up? How much trouble will I be in? What if the house isn’t perfect?  What if the kids say/do the wrong thing. I need some of His time so I know how to please Him in all situations. Is He aware I’m freaking out?, see if I can think on my feet? Serve even if the circumstance is less than perfect. Was I listening to Him? Ok, so this is what I really needed to talk about, have clarified. I want Daddy to look good. That even in this new thing for us, be the slave He desires and the woman He needs me to be. I’ve never been here before. So the stress is here, cuz I know my Daddy. The planner/thinker in Him already knows when this will happen. I need His guidance. 

Last night, when we were out. I kept thinking to myself ,’now what am I to do if this situation was like … or what would Daddy expect from me if this situation was like… I freaked myself out. I do that at times. But it’s a new situation.  I’m verY happy with the new situation,  I guess it’s learning my place, in the background. Will He allow me to be on my phone, or am I expected to keep my eyes on Him at all times. Fulfil any need He has? Ok, I need a course here. I have looked around for a live female who can ex plain this to me. I have one more resource to try but that is not a given. See, I don’t take things lightly either. I want Daddy to know I’m trying to be prepared. I might need a boy scout just to teach me how to be prepared. 

What takes so long for me to figure out? Oh yeah, I’m scared to do it wrong, what will the consequences be? Is there room for few mistakes? 

DADDY PLEASE HELP? Knowing my Daddy, right now He’s chuckling to Himself cuz I didn’t know how to tell Him all that was going thru my head. Daddy, I don’t want to disappoint you. I want to be so perfect that every man in the room is jealous of you, and every woman considers treating their man that way. I want my Daddy beaming with pride when they look at me, His property. That will be real pride, the one I’m striving for.

Ok, a friend asked,

“Whats the worst that could happen?”

In my mind, not pleasing Him, He be so disappointed in me that it hurts us, our relationship. He not trust me with important things ever again. That I’m left out of this, He was so ashamed of me. That would hurt so badly, I don’t think there would be any way to right that kind of wrong. 

After my weekend nothing else was important to me. Well except a darn hotel reservation.  Other than that, this is my every thought. I keep dreaming about it, but in my dream I do something  wrong. I can’t do things wrong. Now that I’ve written it all out, I feel better not so blocked. Why is it easier to write it out than to just tell Him? I’m much more scared of Him when He’s in front of me that seems to stop me from thinking, then I can’t get the words out. I start to seem stupid. I can breathe again. 

 Now to hear from Daddy. I’m wondering if I made a mountain out of something small. He knows I can do that. He will say, relax. But I have no idea how to do that. Guess I’ll be learning what Daddy is ready to teach me.
-babygirl♡

How to figure out if she’s ‘the one’…

Women think they know how to find their soulmate, but what about men. Let’s look at things from a man’s perspective. 

What do men need from a woman? From a relationship?

What do men really want?

1. She knows how to deal with your anger.  I don’t care who the girl is, there will be times when you fight/argue, that’s a given in relationships. To find the female who can give you space ,let you process yet wants you all the more. She knows you could be angry with her, and she wants to talk it out, so things are back to being copacedic. She’s a keeper.
2. She respects your privacy.  She’s not going through your phone. She’s not asking who’s on your phone, or trying to sneak a peek when you’re texting.  She’s not worried that you could be cheating on her, she’s secure. She doesn’t question your time with a play by play of where you’ve been. She’s not following you, or seems to be looking for evidence against you. The other side to this is , make sure she feels secure enough to give you your privacy, and allow her to have some to.
Some men seem to disappear from their life when they get a girlfriend. She’s to possessive, demanding and just wants all of his time. Every guy needs time with his friends, same is true for women. It’s unhealthy to not take breaks from each other. If you find a girl like this, you’re a lucky man.
3. She trusts you.  This is plain and simple. You will know from how she talks to you, questions she does ask are not leading .
It takes time to earn trust. If you want a long relationship then learn to trust each other. The trust she gives you, give to her as well. Then remember how lucky you are to find a female to give such trust, don’t abuse it. Trust can be destroyed in seconds .
4. She doesn’t take your excuses. This is a good thing, she wants you to face life, good or bad. But she wants you to hold her accountable too. It also means she’s planning on staying by your side. No female will invest time in you if she’s not staying for the long haul. She’s a blessing to you, be thankful.
5. She is quick witted , and come back on your humor. Humor is a big part of a relationship,  any relationship.  It’s really how we relate to others. Check her out, does she really laugh at what you’ve said. Does she add to it. Can she make you laugh. Humor is a good thing, but it must be coveted in the relationship,  otherwise she was just laughing to be polite. Not what you want. If she’s genuine with her humor, appreciates yours and is playful with you, you have found your match.
6. You share same tastes, whether it’s food, movies, music. You will have your differences, but  for the most part, in a long relationship you will want to do things together to stay strong, cherish your moments. You wouldn’t go to two separate movies or concerts.
7. She believes in you. Love can make you both do things that you normally wouldn’t do. If you find a girl that believes in you , stands by your side through thick and thin, you have it made. This kind of love is rare these days. This girl will see you as a hero, this is not the same as rescuing her. Make sure you know the difference, because one kind of girl is constructive, the other is destructive.
8. You’ve heard the old saying, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’. Well, it’s true. No couple can spend every waking moment together. Men need their space, they need their boys, time with their boys with no female interruption.  Not every female is OK with this. If she’s nit, let her go she’s way to possessive and clingy, and maybe for our lifestyle she’s exerting control. Keep it in check.
Ladies, let your man blow off some steam, he loves you, he needs time to just be himself, or he could learn to resent you. Now, there is a balance here, men it’s up to you to learn that. If you spend more time with your boys and neglect your relationship,  who’s fault will it be if she decides to leave?
It’s a proven fact that absence does male the heart grow fonder, give him some space and he will wander a bit, and come back refreshed ready to take on anything. This gives you ladies time with your girls.
9. She expects you to act, not just dream. This kind of woman sees your potential. She wants you to be well rounded even if it means she has to give up some of her time with you, this goes back to believing in you too. She doesn’t want you to regret not trying things in your life, if she’s on board then she’s willing to make any sacrifice necessary so you can succeed, she’s not threatened by that, she’s cheering you on. This kind of girl should be seen as a treasure, since today’s woman is about owning the man, taking all of his time, leaving him empty. Men, choose wisely.
10. She has an elastic heart. This has more to do with how she is ‘after’ an argument or fight. Is she patient, gives you some space to think, is she compassionate,  forgiving, admits when she’s wrong and can apologize. All of these things show great love for you, this kind of female doesn’t need to win, hurt you with words, have her way. But she will need you to bring the balance.  Can you be compassionate, forgiving,  give her space, apologize? If you can both get through an argument with having to win or hurt the other person, keep that girl. Today’s society says women should rule men. Look at nearly every commercial on tv, very emasculating. But the kind of girl I’m talking about won’t want to wear the ‘pants’ , she’s confident that those belong to a man.
11. She respects your friends and family. This is pretty much self explanatory, but if she’s drama remember your life will be too. If she treats your children kind, is she friendly with people in your life, does she make ghe effort to like them all and try to get along, even if this includes exes. This is a sad fact in our world, but it is reality. If your ex ,family member, or friend is hostile to her and she doesn’t try to fight back or argue and make it worse, this is a girl who really loves you. There is no perfect situation, but you will have to make sure you are proud of who you are dating and maybe in a long term relationship with. You don’t need to regret the girl you love.
12. She shelters you from the storm. When the world has kicked you, she will lift you up. She wants to hold you on sad days, listen to you about what made you this way, she knows she’s not needed to solve your problems.  She will be tender, even if it’s heart breaking and you cried this kind of girl will hold you close to her heart, you will feel the love and no condemnation, or fear of letting her in. Keep this girl.

There are more, these were the most important things to men in this study, it wasn’t my study. The study was about how to find the girl of your dreams, you only needed to find a girl with 5 or more of these qualities. But ladies you can tell men are specific to what they want, not just about a hot body and pretty face. The want substance. Who can blame them, women of today don’t know how to treat men, we aren’t shown anymore. Good luck to both sides as you try to find your King or queen to fill your life. We barely touched on the lifestyle, this was just a vanilla study, I might need to find a study of our kind! I don’t even know if I do all, or any of these. If you want to leave feedback ,plz do!

-babygirl